


thanks obama

by bytheinco_nstantmoon



Category: I Am Not Okay with This (TV 2020), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Agender Character, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Jonathan Byers, Bad Parent Ted Wheeler, Barbara "Barb" Holland Lives, Bisexual Lucas Sinclair, Bonding Over Dysfunctional Families, Coming Out, Divorce, Eleven | Jane Hopper Is Genderfluid, Everyone Gets A Redemption Arc Except Billy Hargrove, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone is related, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay Mike Wheeler, Gay Richie Tozier, Genderfluid Character, Georgie Denbrough Lives, Homophobic Language, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, It Really Do Be Like That, It's Just Kind Of Shitty, Jewish Boris Pavlikovsky, Jewish Mike Wheeler, Jewish Richie Tozier, Lucas Sinclair Is Agender, Nonbinary Character, Polyamory, Queerplatonic Relationships, Redemption, Richie Tozier and Mike Wheeler Are Twins, Richie Tozier and Mike Wheeler and Boris Pavlikovsky are triplets, Sibling Bonding, The Harrington's A+ Parenting, This is not a joke, Troy Walsh is a Harrington (Stranger Things), Ukrainian Mike Wheeler, Ukrainian Richie Tozier, Weed, also, also I WOULD GIVE MY WHOLE LIFE FOR MAGGIE TOZIER, also no beta because who the fuck betas a chatfic, anyway, are james and troy gay, aromantic nancy wheeler, at 3 AM, bill & bev are also an epic bromance, boy oh boy i hope someone reads this, but it'll be a whole mess, but still, do i need to tag internalised homophobia?????????, esp dustin i see u boy, gays can have a little angst as a treat, go me, hell yes i invented new ship tags again, however!!!!!!, i cannot believe james and troy have become so involved that i had to tag them, i know i can't write a seven person relationship like i just don't have the expertise, i literally don't know!!!!!!!!!!, i love karen i promise i really do, iconic of them tho i respect, if u read it i'll love u forever, if you've betaed a chatfic your balls are fucking massive dude, im not accepting constructive criticism on this matter, it be like that, jane and richie r an epic bromance, like literally because not me, like once, lit, literally who knows, maybe reddie or stozier and like queerplatonic bev and richie, maybe the core four will be a ship, mike's name is mikhail because that's how it works now, no beta we die like men, no i am not going to address that they are identical, no i don't know how im pairing up the losers yes it will happen, no i dont know why, no i still don't know why, no none of these are the same character, no this is not connected to my other crossover in any way, oh right, ok that's all, please read it, probably should do that, seriously fuck them, sorry if you take psychic damage, sort of?? it's about how they have family problems, tHANK U, that wasnt the intent, that's it yeah, that's ur problem not mine, thats right boys we have actual feelings in this chat, there IS a plot, there is no bad pairing in the losers club like buddy how am i supposed to choose, they smoke a lot of weed, this isn't actually a joke fic i swear, uhhhhh do i need to tag fake dating, wait, what do you mean carol's last name is perkins?????????????, what the fuck, with a 104 degree fever, yeah he's tommy's brother now, yeah i made it boreoku whatcha gonna do about it, yeah ok just. fucking everyone is poly now, yes i did that, yes stanley barber and stanley uris are both in this, yes this is a chatfic, you remember the bully james
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bytheinco_nstantmoon/pseuds/bytheinco_nstantmoon
Summary: mike doesn't actually know what the fuck's going on, ok? and honestly? neither does anyone else.--batman: hey not to be dramatic or anything but if will doesn't turn down his sixties love songs and let me sleep i can and will shoot myselfi got a big stick: im just trying to vibe jonathon let me bebatman: vibe quieter--yes this is a chatfic yes this involves the goldfinch yes it has an actual plot no i am not sorry (ok im a little sorry but please accept me)
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough & Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Eddie Kaspbrak, Bill Denbrough/Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Dina/Sydney Novak, Dina/Sydney Novak/Stanley Barber, Dustin Henderson/Lucas Sinclair, Dustin Henderson/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Eddie Kaspbrak/Stanley Uris, Eleven | Jane Hopper & Richie Tozier, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Dustin Henderson, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, James Dante & Troy Walsh (Stranger Things), Jonathan Byers & Nancy Wheeler, Kotku/Boris Pavlikovsky, Kotku/Boris Pavlikovsky/Theodore Decker, Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair/Dustin Henderson/Eleven | Jane Hopper, Mike Hanlon/Ben Hanscom, Mike Hanlon/Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon/Beverly Marsh, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris, Robin Buckley/Barbara "Barb" Holland, Robin Buckley/Barbara "Barb" Holland/Carol Perkins, Stanley Barber/Sydney Novak, The Losers Club & Beverly Marsh, Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky, Tommy Hagan/Carol Perkins, Will Byers/Mike Wheeler
Comments: 57
Kudos: 205





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for clicking this you're a real one
> 
> uhhhhh boris and mike w. and richie are triplets but that's not common knowledge so u know more than most of the characters now eyyyyyy
> 
> also uhh  
> mickeymouse: mike w.  
> i got a big stick: will  
> lululemon: lucas  
> annoyinggoose: dustin  
> kryptonite: jane  
> riptide: max  
> trashmouth: richie  
> sharpshooter: nancy  
> batman: jonathon  
> prettyboy: steve
> 
> & that should be everyone that matters this chapter (:

_mickeymouse has created a chat_

_mickeymouse has added 5+ others to the chat_

_mickeymouse has named the chimken nunget_

_mickeymouse changed 'jonathon' to 'batman'_

**chimken nunget**

**3.51 am**

mickeymouse: i hungy

mickeymouse: wamt cromch

i got a big stick: same

batman: why are you guys awake

batman: why is my name batman

batman: what the fuck

mickeymouse: ur name was boring so

sharpshooter: mike, why in god's name are you awake

mickeymouse: doin homework

mickeymouse: also being hungy

mickeymouse: wamt chimken nunget

annoyinggoose: mcdonalds

mickeymouse: mmm they hav good chimken nunget

mickeymouse: mcdonald,,,,,,,,,,,,,

sharpshooter: michael what the fuck

mickeymouse: i hungy nancy :((

sharpshooter: dumbass

trashmouth: yo not to be dramatic but. why the fuck am i here

mickeymouse: huh

mickeymouse: u know i actually didn't mean to add u

mickeymouse: but wassup dude it's been ages

trashmouth: i texted u like two days ago

mickeymouse: i didn't reply

trashmouth: well ur a jackass so who's surprised

i got a big stick: who,,, who are you

trashmouth: who,,, who are you

mickeymouse: richie, meet will, who i have definitely told you about

mickeymouse: will, meet richie, who has mysteriously never come up in conversation

trashmouth: fuck u michael

mickeymouse: back atcha, richard

i got a big stick: uh,,, hi?

i got a big stick: has,, has he said good things about me

trashmouth: he said that if god exists u were one of his miracles so yeah ig

i got a big stick: dkdndnksjs

lululemon: mike oh my god

mickeymouse: what

i got a big stick: that's so sweet what the hell

mickeymouse: i was literally just telling the truth

i got a big stick: it is very much Not true but thank you very much

mickeymouse: it's true

annoyinggoose: michael you useless lump of sand open your window

annoyinggoose: also will you're literally perfect stfu

i got a big stick: amsndkslsmsnk

mickeymouse: oh my god

mickeymouse: dustin is the only real one

annoyinggoose: i was already out so i figured i might as well lol

lululemon: ???

mickeymouse: chimken nunget,,,,,

annoyinggoose: i brought him mcdonalds

mickeymouse: i love u dusty

annoyinggoose: love u too!!!!!

trashmouth: that's such a wholesome friendship

trashmouth: i want a wholesome friendship :(

i got a big stick: i'll be your friend

lululemon: im not cut from friend material but i'll send ya memes

kryptonite: richie how are we not wholesome :((

kryptonite: also i want memes lucas why don't you send me memes

lululemon: shit jane i didn't know you wanted them

lululemon: i'll start a folder for u

kryptonite: yayyy

trashmouth: aw im sorry janey i didn't know u counted us as friends

kryptonite: of course we're friends!!!! love u <3

trashmouth: love u too <3

mickeymouse: weirdos

batman: hey not to be dramatic or anything but if will doesn't turn down his sixties love songs and let me sleep i can and will shoot myself

i got a big stick: im just trying to vibe jonathon let me be

batman: vibe quieter

sharpshooter: jon you're not sleeping you literally just texted me that you were going to watch one tree hill season five tonight stop lying

kryptonite: is this true

batman: maybe

batman: but i can't focus on the overly saturated compulsive heterosexuality when he's blasting dusty springfield

batman: william for fucks sake

batman: he connected it to my bluetooth speaker

trashmouth: right fucking on my dude i like the way you think

i got a big stick: thanks!!!!

**trashmouth >> mickeymouse**

**4.24 am**

trashmouth: they don't know, right

mickeymouse: my friends ? nah

mickeymouse: never came up

trashmouth: u mean they never asked if u have a twin brother that lives across the country ? wack

mickeymouse: ikr

mickeymouse: hey uh how are you btw

trashmouth: im pretty rad, und du

mickeymouse: im fucking sad, next question

trashmouth: oh

trashmouth: im sorry

mickeymouse: nah don't be

mickeymouse: how's maggie & wents

trashmouth: oh uh theyre pretty much the same as always

trashmouth: miss u

trashmouth: like, they miss u

trashmouth: not me lol

mickeymouse: oh yea yea i miss them too

trashmouth: how are karen and ted

mickeymouse: like a pair of rocks soaked in motor oil

trashmouth: i dont get what you mean but also i totally get what u mean im sorry man

mickeymouse: it's fine lol

mickeymouse: that's why ive got my sister

**chimken nunget:**

**4.20 am**

annoyinggoose: blaze it

lululemon: how do u manage to send that text every single fucking night

lululemon: go to Bed

annoyinggoose: blaze it, coward

sharpshooter: speaking of blazing it jonathon is a traitor

batman: what

batman: how am i a traitor

sharpshooter: getting high without me

batman: isn't it illegal to talk about drugs with the children

sharpshooter: steve isn't here and they all know what it is and im mad

batman: let me break the law on my own time nance jfc 

i got a big stick: are you high rn

batman: ...yeah

i got a big stick: you got any left

batman: im not giving my baby brother weed

i got a big stick: damn ok be like that

trashmouth: id totally give my baby brother weed

mickeymouse: you don't have a little brother

trashmouth: false news

mickeymouse: it's really not???

mickeymouse: you have an older brother

trashmouth: michael these are literal lies

**mickeymouse >> trashmouth**

**4.41 am**

mickeymouse: IM OLDER ASSHOLE

trashmouth: FUCK OFF COCKHEAD YOURE A LITTLE BABY

mickeymouse: N O

trashmouth: B A B Y

trashmouth: LITTLE TINY BABY BROTHER

mickeymouse: NO IM TALLER AND IM OLDER

trashmouth: THOSE ARE BOTH UNTRUE YOU'RE A TINY LOSER

mickeymouse: I'LL KILL YOU

trashmouth: HOW

trashmouth: YOU'RE LIKE 7 HOURS AWAY

mickeymouse: oh shit u right

mickeymouse: but watch ur back

trashmouth: and thus my baby brother becomes my paranoia

mickeymouse: TAKE IT BACK JACKASS


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 420baby: you know who else is a hot babe?  
> 420baby: our lord and saviour jesus christ amen  
> prettyboy: you're jewish???  
> 420baby: fuck right yeah ok ur right stevie worm  
> prettyboy: please stop calling me that  
> \--  
> & it gets worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look. i don't know what this "redemption arc" bullshit is. i see a character & i make them a gay disaster. nobody escapes this.
> 
> except billy hargrove but he ain't here & idk if he will be
> 
> anyway!!!  
> mickeymouse: mike w.  
> i got a big stick: will  
> lululemon: lucas  
> annoyinggoose: dustin  
> kryptonite: jane  
> riptide: max  
> trashmouth: richie  
> romeo: beverly  
> juliet: bill  
> absolutevalue: stanley  
> beepbeeprichie: eddie  
> coolguy: ben  
> thankunext: mike h.  
> prettyboy: steve  
> sharpshooter: nancy  
> batman: jonathon  
> 420baby: tommy h.  
> cornflower.curls: carol  
> lesbianhoratio: barbara  
> bigdickenergy: robin

**chimken nunget**

**10.08 am**

lululemon: yo anyone wanna hang

riptide: it's 10 am

riptide: on a thursday

lululemon: ur point

riptide: sorry forgot we were friends with mike for a minute my bad

lululemon: ok that's facts

lululemon: mike do you wanna hang

mickeymouse: yea sure where do u wanna meet

sharpshooter: mike

sharpshooter: go to class

lululemon: i was thinking mirkwood

mickeymouse: kk just let me get dressed

sharpshooter: are you still in bed?

mickeymouse: yeah why

sharpshooter: are you sick?

mickeymouse: no why

i got a big stick: mikey,,,,

mickeymouse: what

mickeymouse: it's literally one day

i got a big stick: you haven't been in chem all week it's been boring as fuck

mickeymouse: hm

mickeymouse: that's sixth period right

mickeymouse: i'll be there for u

i got a big stick: :D!!!!

trashmouth: when he skips so much he doesn't know his own schedule

batman: mood

sharpshooter: j o n

batman: i mean bad

batman: go to class

batman: if you don't go to school you die

mickeymouse: that does not incentivise me to go to school

batman: fuck

batman: i mean also mood though

sharpshooter: b o y s

mickeymouse: ur not my mom

prettyboy: no IM your mom and i say go to class

trashmouth: my aunt paid me to skip

mickeymouse: fuckin what

kryptonite: is it rude to say i’m not surprised?

trashmouth: not at all lmao

trashmouth: she was watching me because my parents were out of town and she was whining because her leg was broken and she paid me 50$ to cut for a week and stay with her until it felt better

trashmouth: it was boring as fuck but i got 30$

mickeymouse: what'd u do with the other 20

trashmouth: gave 'em to stan

kryptonite: that was sweet of you!

trashmouth: nah

trashmouth: should've given him all 50 but humans are fundamentally selfish

i got a big stick: not to interrupt sorry guys but uhhhh

i got a big stick: any of you been to the band room this morning

riptide: is it still there

i got a big stick: yeah it's chilling in the trombone section

riptide: awww

riptide: just slip out real quick, it'll leave when it wants

i got a big stick: …

riptide: william do NOT

i got a big stick: i just want a picture

riptide: ok but take a picture from where you are

i got a big stick: bad angle

riptide: WILLIAM

i got a big stick: it's fucking posing for me

i got a big stick: i love it

riptide: ohmygodohmygod

mickeymouse: im so confused

kryptonite: there's a bear in the band room

mickeymouse: there's a

mickeymouse: WILLIAM

i got a big stick: calm down it's a little bear

mickeymouse: WILL NO

mickeymouse: GET OUT OF BEAR ROOM

mickeymouse: I MEANT BAND ROOM BUT THAT WORKS TOO

i got a big stick: [bearbearmybaby.png]

i got a big stick: she's stylin'

batman: that's a really good picture wow but w i l l n o

trashmouth: bear……..

trashmouth: wanna pet……….

mickeymouse: stop stressing me out u guys

mickeymouse: don't pet wild animals

trashmouth: but i pet bill all the time

mickeymouse: what,,, what does that mean

**the losers club**

**10.31 am**

trashmouth: someone said "don't pet wild animals" and i said "but i pet bill all the time" and i don't know what that meant but i figured it should be common knowledge

romeo: JSKSJSJKS

romeo: thats so valid oh my GOD

beepbeeprichie: you type like a lesbian

romeo: i

absolutevalue: how do you know what a lesbian types like eddie

beepbeeprichie: richie

trashmouth: i

romeo: richie,,, is a lesbian?

trashmouth: baby im your lesbian

romeo: is that what you said to eddie's mom last night

beepbeeprichie: WHAT THE FUCK BEV

beepbeeprichie: HOW COULD YOU

trashmouth: yea

romeo: I COULDN'T HELP IT I'M SORRY

juliet: what the fuck

juliet: also don't pet me i'll bite you

trashmouth: that's the goal ;)

juliet: i

beepbeeprichie:

trashmouth: fine fine

**chimken nunget**

**12.01 pm**

trashmouth: i have

trashmouth: the worst hangover

trashmouth: save me

mickeymouse: did u take something for it

trashmouth: nah we don't keep painkillers

mickeymouse: why didn't u go to bill's

trashmouth: embarrassing

mickeymouse: fair enough

trashmouth: also i told all my friends that i wasn't gonna drink anymore

mickeymouse: oh shit

kryptonite: why? friends don't lie

trashmouth: we're not really friends ig

trashmouth: it's kinda complicated

**mickeymouse >> trashmouth**

**12.08 pm**

mickeymouse: what do u mean ur not really friends

mickeymouse: what happened

trashmouth: ??

trashmouth: nothing???

mickeymouse: then how are u not really friends

trashmouth: mike

trashmouth: mikey

trashmouth: mikester

trashmouth: drop it

mickeymouse: no

mickeymouse: you can't say you and bill "aren't really friends" and expect me not to be concerned

trashmouth: it's literally nothing mike

trashmouth: nothing happened

trashmouth: it's ok

mickeymouse: he's your best friend

trashmouth: yeah but like

trashmouth: ive uhh been having problems recently

mickeymouse: with bill?

trashmouth: with everyone

trashmouth: nothing bad

mickeymouse: ok

mickeymouse: let me know if i gotta drive over there

trashmouth: you can't drive, dumbass

**GREASED LIGHTNIN-**

**12.06 pm**

420baby: yo my worms

prettyboy: tommy i mean this in the nicest possible way but what the fuck

420baby: ‘ello love

prettyboy: carol check your mans

cornflower.curls: tom. tommy. 

cornflower.curls: what the fuck tommy. 

420baby: the WORLD is SPINNINGGGGGGGGGG

420baby: yo yo stevie worm

420baby: you know that byers guy right

420baby: i mean that's not a question but i figured i would phrase it as one for courtesy

prettyboy: what

420baby: the one with size 11 feet

prettyboy: no i know who you mean

prettyboy: why do you ask

prettyboy: also why are you defining him by his shoe size

cornflower.curls: why is the world spinning?

420baby: byers,,,,,, is this his car

420baby: [thishotbabe.png]

prettyboy: don't call his car a hot babe but yes???

prettyboy: why

prettyboy: what are you doing

cornflower.curls: she is a hot babe imo

420baby: you know who else is a hot babe?

420baby: our lord and saviour jesus christ amen

prettyboy: you're jewish???

420baby: fuck right yeah ok ur right stevie worm

prettyboy: please stop calling me that

cornflower.curls: hey uh tommy?

420baby: yes carrie worm

cornflower.curls: just wondering, since you didn't pick me up

cornflower.curls: how did you get to school this morning?

420baby: my brother drove me why

cornflower.curls: i 

prettyboy: tommy you know who your brother is right

420baby: fucking frank sinatra

420baby: yes stevie i know who my brother is

prettyboy: right right

prettyboy: so you know your brother is 14 right

420baby: it's his birthday tomorrow actually

cornflower.curls: on a completely unrelated note has james ever driven a car before

420baby: yes!! twice!!

420baby: when he was eight

prettyboy: im going to cry

prettyboy: has anyone ever taught him how to drive

420baby: he watched fast and furious like seven times

prettyboy: im crying

prettyboy: im literally crying

prettyboy: tommy im getting weird looks for crying in physics and it's all your fault

420baby: why are they giving you weird looks everyone cries in physics

420baby: i'll come fight them for you

prettyboy: no wtf

**therapy <3**

**12.25 pm**

prettyboy: tommy is being weirdly nice

prettyboy: that sounded so mean but like

prettyboy: he's only made one sarcastic comment in our whole conversation

sharpshooter: why are you talking to him in the first place

prettyboy: he's my friend

sharpshooter: he's a dick

prettyboy: he's trying to get better

sharpshooter: i'll believe it when i see it

prettyboy: i told him he's a selfish son of a bitch with a broken masculinity complex and he seems to have actually taken it as constructive criticism? i think?

bigdickenergy: damn

bigdickenergy: i mean you're right but still

bigdickenergy: didn't know you had it in you

prettyboy: shush, robbie

bigdickenergy: <3

prettyboy: <3<3

prettyboy: oh also

**chimken nunget**

**12.31 pm**

prettyboy: hey jonathon

prettyboy: are your shoes a size eleven

batman: i mean my feet are but all my shoes are a size ten because i haven't gone shoe shopping in four years

batman: also what the fuck

prettyboy: i

prettyboy: how the hell-

**GREASED LIGHTNIN-**

**12.33 pm**

prettyboy: [screenshot.png]

prettyboy: tommy how the FUCK did you know

420baby: why is that chat called chimken nunget

prettyboy: that's irrelevant

420baby: now i want chimken nunget……..

cornflower.curls: do you want me to get you chimken nunget toms

420baby: no i want you to go to class

420baby: get that education

cornflower.curls: aww

420baby: james has english this period i'll make him do it

prettyboy: DO NOT

prettyboy: HE IS NOT DRIVING

420baby: stevie it's fine

420baby: this is hawkins they're not gonna arrest him

prettyboy: TOMMY HES GOING TO CRASH AND DIE

prettyboy: DO YOU WANT TO KILL A CHILD TOMMY

420baby: he's not gonna die

420baby: probably

420baby: wait shit what if he died

cornflower.curls: you're both so stupid but i love you

**therapy <3**

**12.56 pm**

prettyboy: carol said she loves me and i honestly got really happy what does this mean

prettyboy: i,,, ugh

prettyboy: i wanna be friends with them!! i wanna trust them!! i wanna have everything be cool!!

prettyboy: but i wanna be friends with this version of them and i don't want them to turn around and be dicks to other people

prettyboy: but i can't change them

prettyboy: so instead i just gotta be paranoid of everything they do :/

annoyinggoose: bullshit

annoyinggoose: that's bullshit

prettyboy: ??

sharpshooter: dustin you know i love you but i've got to agree with steve this time

annoyinggoose: ok ok true they've been complete assholes nobody's arguing that

annoyinggoose: but saying you can't change them? that's bullshit

annoyinggoose: there's a difference between changing someone and making their decisions for them

annoyinggoose: change comes through communication. if you want to change them, you have to talk to them. if you want to be sure that they understand what you mean and you want to be sure that they're actually considering what you say, then talk to them

annoyinggoose: if they don't listen, it's not your problem, but if you don't make it an actual, mature conversation, then yeah, you're stuck being paranoid

annoyinggoose: or something idk

prettyboy: i-

prettyboy: when did you get so smart

annoyinggoose: im really not but im always here to help!!!!

prettyboy: no you funky little genius accept my compliments

riptide: he's right u know

riptide: u are super smart, henderson

annoyinggoose: thanks max

riptide: shoot em good, chum bucket

bigdickenergy: hi!!! what the fuck does that mean

**chimken nunget**

**1.07 pm**

lululemon: james hagan literally just walked out of class

lululemon: like just stood up and left without saying anything like lmfao i know we hate him but what a power move

**GREASED LIGHTNIN-**

**1.07 pm**

prettyboy: THOMAS ABRAHAM HAGAN I SWEAR TO GOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading my lads i appreciate it <3


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ihatethesun: i love my girlfriend even when she calls me gay <3
> 
> pizzamilkshake: i love my boyfriend even when his best friend makes me a lesbian <3
> 
> sweaterweather: i love the irreconcilable loneliness at the very core of my being <3  
> \--  
> i told tgf was in it and yall didn't even believe me smh
> 
> also yeah apparently this has stenbrough now but who's surprised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is wyatt rights bc boreoku deserves more rights and wyatt deserves more love
> 
> also there is some angst i am vaguely sorry
> 
> mickeymouse: mike w.  
> i got a big stick: will  
> lululemon: lucas  
> annoyinggoose: dustin  
> kryptonite: jane  
> riptide: max  
> trashmouth: richie  
> romeo: beverly  
> juliet: bill  
> absolutevalue: stanley  
> beepbeeprichie: eddie  
> coolguy: ben  
> thankunext: mike h.  
> prettyboy: steve  
> sharpshooter: nancy  
> batman: jonathon  
> 420baby: tommy h.  
> cornflower.curls: carol  
> lesbianhoratio: barbara  
> bigdickenergy: robin  
> pizzamilkshake: kotku  
> ihatethesun: boris  
> sweaterweather: theo

**georgie protection club**

**8.00 pm**

trashmouth: yo lads im adding some1

juliet: what

_trashmouth has added kryptonite_

trashmouth: we was talkin and i told some story about the little one and she said he sounded adorable and then i told a story about stan and she said he also sounded adorable so here u go

absolutevalue: i….. am not adorable

absolutevalue: richie what story did you tell her

trashmouth: that's nunya business uris

kryptonite: hehe

kryptonite: adorable

absolutevalue: akdjekekrjkr thank you

juliet: a keysmash?

juliet: who are you and what have you done with my stanley

**juliet >> romeo**

**8.04 pm**

juliet: i didn't really intend to have Deep Stan Thoughts today but i just called him "my stanley" and,,, yeah that was nice

juliet: i want to have a my stanley :((

romeo: bill,,,,, that's gay

juliet: bev,,,,,,,, im gay

romeo: i know

romeo: have uh,,, have you considered my advice

juliet: you mean telling him? no, not in the least

romeo: b i l l i a m

juliet: b e v e r l y

juliet: he's one of my best friends

juliet: im not losing him over a minor crush

romeo: "minor crush" he says, as if he hasn't been irrevocably in love for like three years

juliet: god i adore him

juliet: he said he loved me the other day and like we say that all the time but for some reason my gay ass FLIPPED and i made a literal squeak

juliet: like a rat

romeo: you're a rat

romeo: my little gay rat

romeo: you're my ratatouille protagonist <3

juliet: oh shit the connections breaking up

juliet: gotta blast

romeo: asshole

**the gang**

**8.09 pm**

sweaterweather: have i ever mentioned that i hate the name of this chat?

pizzamilkshake: and have i ever mentioned that i could beat your ass?

ihatethesun: you both are so stupid. i send a prayer to god just for you

pizzamilkshake: thank you boris <3 that is love

sweaterweather: i see you are pretending to be soft

pizzamilkshake: no pretense! boris makes me soft <3

ihatethesun: she said i am her second favourite person because i will never be cooler than the girl on the wendy’s sign

pizzamilkshake: redheads are cute!

ihatethesun: ah, i am dating… lesbian

sweaterweather: the implication that kotku is attracted to the girl on the wendy’s sign is honestly worse than the implication that boris would date a lesbian

sweaterweather: though, honestly, neither are surprising

pizzamilkshake: hey theo? <3

sweaterweather: yes?

pizzamilkshake: go fuck yourself with a calculator <3

sweaterweather: that is the only way i will ever be good at math <3

ihatethesun: am.. am i reading wrong, or does potter imply he has fucked himself with calculator… before?

sweaterweather: you don’t know english and you don’t know me shut the fuck up

ihatethesun: “you don’t know me” i am in your bed

sweaterweather: yeah well i’m not so checkmate

pizzamilkshake: theo that does not make it less tender

sweaterweather: why would you use that word

pizzamilkshake: at least i did not blatantly call it gay

sweaterweather: what the fuck, kotku

ihatethesun: i love my girlfriend even when she calls me gay <3

pizzamilkshake: i love my boyfriend even when his best friend makes me a lesbian <3

sweaterweather: i love the irreconcilable loneliness at the very core of my being <3

sweaterweather: wait kotku what the fuck does that mean

**coffee is better fuck you barbara**

**8.37 pm**

lesbianhoratio: who changed the name of the chat??

bigdickenergy: me

lesbianhoratio: for the last fucking time robin coffee is shit

lesbianhoratio: have you tried mint tea

bigdickenergy: no because i have taste

lesbianhoratio: take it back

bigdickenergy: i won't apologise for the truth

sharpshooter: mom the lesbians are fighting

lesbianhoratio: where have you been

sharpshooter: trying to convince mike that a pepsi is not a meal

prettyboy: what

sharpshooter: he's :) such :) a :) dumbass :)

sharpshooter: this isn't the chat for my venting but i can't really say anything in the therapy chat because i don't want to worry dustin and max

prettyboy: nancy you can vent here if you need to

lesbianhoratio: yea babygirl we got you

batman: ^^

sharpshooter: ok uhh

sharpshooter: i dont want to go into too much detail but basically mike's been super fucking weird lately

sharpshooter: he keeps skipping meals and sneaking out and i KNOW there were five beers in the fridge last night not four

sharpshooter: also he won't take his meds

sharpshooter: im just kinda concerned but like. it's mike. you cant ever be concerned about mike or he gets fucking pissed and that's the last thing we need rn

batman: shit, nance

batman: should i try to talk to him?

sharpshooter: maybe

sharpshooter: dad's being a bitch about it and i think that's making it worse

prettyboy: isn't ted a bitch about everything

sharpshooter: yeah but saying you would have been better off with no son instead of a disappointment is usually a bit too far for him

prettyboy: im sorry he said fucking WHAT

batman: yeah ok that's it

batman: is mike home rn?

sharpshooter: yeah, just got back

batman: tell him to pack a bag

batman: im picking him up, he can stay with us for a bit

sharpshooter: i 

sharpshooter: yeah ok

sharpshooter: thank you

batman: of course

**batman >> i got a big stick**

**8.45 pm**

batman: hey kid

i got a big stick: hey!!

batman: mike is gonna be staying at ours for a couple days, is it cool if he stays in your room

i got a big stick: yeah of course

i got a big stick: what's going on, though?

batman: not my place to say

batman: can you tell mom i kinda forgot to before i left

i got a big stick: ok

i got a big stick: wait are you driving rn? put your phone down

**mickeymouse >> trashmouth**

**9.04 pm**

mickeymouse: [ilovehim.png]

trashmouth: DOG

trashmouth: PRECIOUS

mickeymouse: his name is chester!!!!

trashmouth: i love chester!!!!

trashmouth: chester literally stopped my tears

mickeymouse: what's wrong?

trashmouth: literally nothing when im looking at that good boy

mickeymouse: r i c h

trashmouth: m i k e

trashmouth: it's a-okay, i promise

mickeymouse: no it's fucking not

mickeymouse: you don't cry

mickeymouse: and you definitely don't tell me about it when you do

mickeymouse: i get if you don't wanna talk to me but talk to someone, ok?

trashmouth: hhhhh

trashmouth: sir yes sir

trashmouth: give chester hugs from me

mickeymouse: i'll give him like 17

**the party**

**9.12 pm**

mickeymouse: [precious.png]

kryptonite: aww look at that smile!!

i got a big stick: aseneneneekke

lululemon: that is kinda precious i gotta admit

annoyinggoose: i love watching will draw

annoyinggoose: it's nice to see him that happy

kryptonite: ^^^

lululemon: ^^^

mickeymouse: ^^^^^^^^^

mickeymouse: nice? it's fucking beautiful

i got a big stick: guys oh my god

i got a big stick: aaaaaaaaaaaa

mickeymouse: I'm Soft For My Best Friend

i got a big stick: m i k e

mickeymouse: bitch im gonna hug you if you keep looking cute

i got a big stick: anseremeseneoe

kryptonite: you two are so cute

mickeymouse: will's just perfect, we love will

annoyinggoose: you're so right

**i got a big stick >> batman**

**9.22 pm**

i got a big stick: bitch i might be dying of gay

i got a big stick: shit wrong person

i got a big stick: shit shit shit

i got a big stick: please don't read that

batman: did you just come out to me

i got a big stick: uh no

batman: what did mike do

i got a big stick: NOTHING

batman: mhm sureeeee

batman: you're just dying of gay for no reason

i got a big stick: please pretend i never said that

batman: why

batman: will, it's fine

batman: so you're gay, so what?

batman: im aro if that makes it easier

i got a big stick: oh shit really

i got a big stick: i thought you were dating nancy ????????

batman: nancy is,,, also aro but it's like,,,, close enough??

batman: idk it's like a relationship for aro people

batman: we're just vibing

i got a big stick: so you're like,,, queerplatonic but it's a exclusive thing

batman: yeah basically

i got a big stick: that,,,, makes a lot of sense, actually

i got a big stick: that's sweet

i got a big stick: are you high? you don't normally tell me this stuff

batman: i mean yeah lmao but also to be fair i thought you were super against lgbt until literally today

i got a big stick: ????

batman: i mean that's what mike said? i figured he knew

i got a big stick: i-

i got a big stick: the boy im in love with thinks im homophobic

i got a big stick: how the hell is this my life

batman: you should probably clear that up

i got a big stick: maybe

i got a big stick: bit of a weird topic to bring up randomly

batman: i dont know how conversation works but that tracks, yeah

batman: just like. bring up gay people or smth

**chimken nunget**

**9.45 pm**

mickeymouse: :((

mickeymouse: will's ignoring me to text people

i got a big stick: let me talk to my brother you freak

mickeymouse: why would you want to talk to your brother

mickeymouse: i don't want to talk to my brother

sharpshooter: mike you don't have a brother

mickeymouse: i don't want to talk to him though

trashmouth: when mike said "i hate my brother" i felt that

mickeymouse: not what i said but ur right

**the losers club**

**9.59 pm**

trashmouth: what's up my lads

juliet: georgie just told me i hold no emotional value in his eyes

trashmouth: i-

juliet: because i said he couldn't eat nutella for dinner

trashmouth: i love that kid

trashmouth: every night i pray that he joins theatre in high school

beepbeeprichie: the implication that georgie is one day going to be a highschooler terrifies me

trashmouth: i mean you'll be old old by then

beepbeeprichie: true true

beepbeeprichie: and you'll still be annoying

trashmouth: ?? eds he's not gonna get to high school until we're like… out of college

beepbeeprichie: don't call me eds

beepbeeprichie: and yeah?? i know??

trashmouth: nvm ok

beepbeeprichie: ,,ok

**juliet >> trashmouth**

**10.10 pm**

juliet: you doing ok?

trashmouth: yeah, peachy

juliet: you seem down

trashmouth: well, im not, so,

juliet: r i c h

trashmouth: you sound like mike, stop it

juliet: you've been talking to mike??

trashmouth: yea?? he's my brother??

juliet: i just. didn't realise you guys texted

trashmouth: i mean we do more often now

trashmouth: he made a groupchat with a bunch of friends and added me so I've been talking to him in there a bunch

juliet: oh!! ok

juliet: ok cool

juliet: you made new friends?

trashmouth: yea!!!! it's really exciting for me actually lmao

trashmouth: they're all really cool, i like them!!! they're like my new favorite people!!!

juliet: im glad!

trashmouth: :)

juliet: :)

**losers club w/o richie**

**10.15 pm**

juliet: someone tell me im being paranoid

absolutevalue: you're probably being paranoid

absolutevalue: but what's wrong?

absolutevalue: i assume this is about richie, from the chat we're in

juliet: yeah and it's the dumbest thing in the world but i kinda feel like im about to cry

juliet: apparently rich got added to this groupchat with a bunch of mike's friends and that they're great and "his new favorite people" and i know that's dumb to get upset about but i don't wanna be replaced

juliet: that's my best friend i wanna be his favorite people

absolutevalue: oh…

beepbeeprichie: wait he actually said that

juliet: [screenshot.png]

juliet: there's our whole conversation

beepbeeprichie: that… yeah ok that kinda hurt. aha. only a little bit. i have to go help my mom

thankunext: hi i keep seeing my name but i somehow get the distinct feeling it's not about me

juliet: oh oh yeah i forgot you guys don't know mike

juliet: he's richie’s brother

thankunext: that answered none of my questions but ok

coolguy: ????????????

romeo: richie has a what

juliet: richie has another richie keep up babe

romeo: i,,,,, what

juliet: gimme like ten seconds

juliet: "hey where do we keep the photo albums" "shut up georgies asleep" thanks mom that's helpful

romeo: :(((

juliet: lmao

juliet: ok found them

absolutevalue: wait do you have tiny tozier pictures

juliet: yes of course

juliet: [tinytoziers.png]

juliet: [tinygang.png]

beepbeeprichie: gang gang

absolutevalue: gang gang

juliet: gang gang

juliet: [whotookthis.png]

juliet: on one hand this is cute bc tiny stan and tiny eddie and tiny toziers but on the other hand why are we all just sitting in a line

juliet: why is no one smiling

juliet: i feel like this picture is about to murder me

romeo: oh so when u say richie has another richie u deadass mean it wtf

romeo: they're identical

absolutevalue: that tends to happen with identical twins

romeo: i didn't ask for your sass, uris

absolutevalue: i didn't ask for permission, marsh

thankunext: ok but yall are deadass adorable

thankunext: i wanna see more baby pictures

juliet: my mom used to keep tons of photos, come over tmrw and we can look through em

coolguy: can i come? i don't want to intrude

juliet: it's not intruding, you're my friend

coolguy: awwww

**beepbeeprichie >> trashmouth**

**10.23 pm**

beepbeeprichie: rich

beepbeeprichie: richard

beepbeeprichie: richie

beepbeeprichie: richrich

trashmouth: richrich?

beepbeeprichie: you weren't replying

trashmouth: sorry, was busy

trashmouth: but what's up, dude

beepbeeprichie: ok don't call me an idiot ok

trashmouth: ???

beepbeeprichie: i know im probably over thinking this but you know you're stuck with me, right?

beepbeeprichie: you can't get rid of me

trashmouth: wh-

trashmouth: why would i want to?????

beepbeeprichie: idk earlier you just seemed off

trashmouth: oh

trashmouth: oh, in the georgie chat?

trashmouth: i just mean i don't imagine we'll be much in contact by the time college graduation rolls around

trashmouth: hell, im probably not even going to college

beepbeeprichie: oh

beepbeeprichie: why would we not be in contact?

trashmouth: eds i love you but do you seriously think you can stand me for that long

beepbeeprichie: yes

beepbeeprichie: i could stand you forever

trashmouth: fixkij

trashmouth: weirdo

**trashmouth >> mickeymouse**

**10.41 pm**

trashmouth: ok if i tell you something you gotta promise not to hate me more

mickeymouse: i literally couldn't if i tried

trashmouth: ok mood

mickeymouse: u can't mood me saying i hate u

mickeymouse: that's illegal

mickeymouse: bad richie

trashmouth: asshole

trashmouth: anyway uh

trashmouth: im gay

mickeymouse: mood

trashmouth: you can't mood me saying im gay wtf--

mickeymouse: bitch it's a fucking mood

mickeymouse: have u tried "im gay and i have an awful hopeless crush on my best friend, who's wonderful but also happens to be super fucking homophobic"

trashmouth: thats will, right?

mickeymouse: yeah,,,

trashmouth: he's homophobic?

mickeymouse: honestly everyone in hawkins is i can't really blame him

mickeymouse: i was too for a while? still kinda am i guess but not towards other people just,, towards me

trashmouth: like you don't care about the gays bein gay but the thought of being gay makes you hate yourself

mickeymouse: yeah

mickeymouse: basically

trashmouth: i wanna help but all i've got is "don't hate yourself" which is shitty advice

mickeymouse: thanks for trying tho

trashmouth: yeah,,, be careful with yourself, ok? we'd all be pretty upset without mr. mikey

mickeymouse: i guess

mickeymouse: im staying at will's for a bit to get away from ted and his mom always forces me to take care of myself and idk why that's kinda annoying rn

trashmouth: because you're depressed and you want to wallow

trashmouth: your moods are going to be shit sometimes, mikey

trashmouth: but just. remember that they're doing it because they love you, and remember that none of it's your fault

mickeymouse: i guess

mickeymouse: thanks richie

trashmouth: anytime, you fucking nerd

**i got a big stick >> mickeymouse**

**11.03 pm**

i got a big stick: where are you?

mickeymouse: sleeping?

i got a big stick: ??

i got a big stick: i dont see you

mickeymouse: im on the couch dumbass

i got a big stick: ??

i got a big stick: why?

i got a big stick: get in here i want to see your pretty face

mickeymouse: i love when ur tired

i got a big stick: shhhh let me love ur pretty face

i got a big stick: and the rest of ur pretty self

i got a big stick: wanna touch ur hair

mickeymouse: yeah yeah ok that's ok im coming

i got a big stick: !!!!!!!!!

**absolutevalue >> juliet**

**11.23 pm**

absolutevalue: i love you

**420baby >> 10fingers**

**12.16 am**

420baby: james where the fuck are you

10fingers: fuck off, tom 

420baby: james i fuckin swear

**chimken nunget**

**4.20 am**

annoyinggoose: blaze it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah idk what the fuck just happened either thank you for reading <3
> 
> must i scream it............... BOREOKU RIGHTS


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trashmouth: billiam is looking FINE today  
> juliet: oh my god  
> trashmouth: that swag,,,, mm yes  
> juliet: never say swag again  
> trashmouth: ok swag master  
> \--  
> they got some shit on richie & multiple people come out & it's a mess as usual
> 
> **warning!! there is a use of a homophobic slur this chapter!! (specifically the f slur!!) please be aware of this before continuing!!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so some random plot points that i forgot to mention!!!  
> -bev & bill are fake dating  
> -i'm really attached to tommy hagan  
> -that's not a plot point i just needed to add something because i set this up as a list but only had one item  
> -wait mike hanlon & ben are dating that's an actual plot point
> 
> mickeymouse: mike w.  
> i got a big stick: will  
> lululemon: lucas  
> annoyinggoose: dustin  
> kryptonite: jane  
> riptide: max  
> trashmouth: richie  
> romeo: beverly  
> juliet: bill  
> absolutevalue: stanley  
> beepbeeprichie: eddie  
> coolguy: ben  
> thankunext: mike h.  
> prettyboy: steve  
> sharpshooter: nancy  
> batman: jonathon  
> 420baby: tommy h.  
> cornflower.curls: carol  
> lesbianhoratio: barbara  
> bigdickenergy: robin  
> pizzamilkshake: kotku  
> ihatethesun: boris  
> sweaterweather: theo  
> 10fingers: James
> 
> **warning for use of homophobic language!! stay safe!!**

**juliet >> absolutevalue**

**6.45 am**

juliet: i love you too

juliet: im sorry i was asleep did something happen

absolutevalue: no, it's good you were sleeping

absolutevalue: you don't sleep enough

juliet: hm

juliet: meet me at the quarry

absolutevalue: are you sure?

juliet: stanley

juliet: meet me at the goddamn quarry

**the gang**

**6.51 am**

pizzamilkshake: are you boys in school?

ihatethesun: school does not start until 8

sweaterweather: you know what time school starts?

sweaterweather: and no, we're in bed, because we're not freaks. it's so fucking early

pizzamilkshake: in bed? like…. together?

ihatethesun: potter steals the blanket

sweaterweather: sorry, the intense bitterness festering in my heart leaves me constantly cold.

pizzamilkshake: damn… theo is emo…

ihatethesun: he has always been emo?

pizzamilkshake: ...themo

sweaterweather: fuck you guys.

pizzamilkshake: ok. boris first though, he's closer.

sweaterweather: FUCK YOU

ihatethesun: he kicked me :(

pizzamilkshake: you made boris sad. i will fuck you

ihatethesun: are you flirting or is that a threat

sweaterweather: pretty sure "I will fuck you" actually doesn't fall into either of those categories. too aggressive to be flirting

pizzamilkshake: fair enough

pizzamilkshake: let me in

sweaterweather: what?

pizzamilkshake: nevermind, ill do it myself

sweaterweather: what was that noise

ihatethesun: sounded like glass breaking :)

sweaterweather: don't smile at me

sweaterweather: kotku what are you doing

ihatethesun: :)

**absolutevalue >> romeo**

**7.58 am**

absolutevalue: i dont know why i picked you to tell but i have something i really need to get off my chest so if you hate me for it then just don't reply, ok?

romeo: im not gonna hate you for anything!!

romeo: but ok

absolutevalue: fuck

absolutevalue: sorry, the actually saying it part is… harder than anticipated

romeo: take your time!! im not going anywhere

absolutevalue: ok, uh

absolutevalue: i like boys

romeo: im glad you trusted me with that!! i support you wholeheartedly, luv

romeo: im always here if you need to talk but fully expect me to make gay jokes abt u now

absolutevalue: not in front of people, though

romeo: im not gonna out you!! but u can't escape me in dms

absolutevalue: i suppose that's alright

romeo: i love you uwu

absolutevalue: yeah yeah asshole, i love you too

**chimken nungets**

**8.04 am**

mickeymouse: im????

mickeymouse: [hescute.png]

lululemon: yes he's adorable but why are you in bed with will in the first place

mickeymouse: don't phrase it like that oh my god

mickeymouse: i was just staying over

lululemon: "just staying over"

kryptonite: i don't get it

annoyinggoose: and you don't need to, amen and hallelujah praise the lord

annoyinggoose: speaking of weird shit james hagan bought me a milkshake last night

mickeymouse: wkssnekwkw what

annoyinggoose: yea it was like 3 am and i wanted a milkshake but i felt awkward walking in and he was like "do you like chocolate" and i said yeah and he just,,, went in and bought me a chocolate milkshake

mickeymouse: that's so weird wtf

**10fingers >> 420baby**

**8.04 am**

10fingers: dude i was literally just vibin

420baby: you're still not home though

10fingers: yeah i decided to go on a walk this morning

420baby: and by "this morning" you mean "all night"

10fingers: just buzz off about it tom

420baby: fine jfc

**GREASED LIGHTNIN-**

**8.12 am**

420baby: my dumbass useless little brother stayed out all night and is being a tool about it pls send help

prettyboy: yea he bought dustin a milkshake

420baby: that's… kinda weird but ok i support it

cornflower.curls: my siblings aren't smart enough to sneak out lmao

420baby: i fucking love your sister shut up

prettyboy: yes mood claire is the best

cornflower.curls: she is not, not even a little bit, but i'll let her know you said so

cornflower.curls: she said "tell steve that if he doesn't come over soon i'll kidnap him"

420baby: when claire said "i love steve" i felt that

cornflower.curls: ANSJEJJESK MOOD

prettyboy: oh my god you guys

**romeo >> absolutevalue**

**8.23 am**

romeo: sorry if this is too personal a question but why did you tell me instead of bill or richie or something

absolutevalue: you've met bill's parents, right?

romeo: ok you have a point

romeo: but just because they're homophobic as shit doesn't mean he is

absolutevalue: i honestly don't know because it's never come up but he always looks visibly uncomfortable whenever lgbt stuff gets mentioned

absolutevalue: and maybe it's selfish but i really, really don't want to lose him as a friend

romeo: aw… ok, love

absolutevalue: and richie's homophobic as fuck everyone knows that

romeo: oh shit wait what really

absolutevalue: yeah he's super fucking against it

absolutevalue: but i don't want to lose him either

absolutevalue: i really do love him

romeo: yeah, i get it

romeo: i got you, stan

absolutevalue: thanks, bev

**romeo >> juliet**

**8.31 am**

romeo: i kind of feel like we need to address the fact that stan thinks you're homophobic

juliet: smjejeenjeje stanley i am GAY

romeo: he would k n o w that if you t o l d him

juliet: i cannot do that

juliet: what if he finds out The Other Thing

romeo: u ain't subtle anyway

juliet: not helpful

romeo: come on denbrough

romeo: just tell him

romeo: he's your best friend, he's not gonna judge you

juliet: richie's my best friend too and he would judge me

romeo: is he really that homophobic

juliet: i mean,,,, yeah

juliet: im not sure we're meant to know but a couple years ago in like seventh ?? eighth ?? grade then we all got called into the office to talk to the counselor because of bullying and like

juliet: we could hear through the door and he uh

juliet: i dont know if i should type it? does the like,, f slur make you super uncomfy

romeo: it's ok

juliet: we could hear them talking and then we heard him yell "dont call me a fucking fag" and that he's "disgusting but not like that"

romeo: s h i t

romeo: i,,, wow ok

romeo: im so sorry babe

juliet: it's whatever it's just weird to know my best friend hates me and doesn't even know it

juliet: he's kind of acting that way anyway recently tho lmao

romeo: where are u

juliet: corner store ?

romeo: stay there im coming to hug you

**the losers club**

**9.02 am**

juliet: i fucking love my girlfriend <3

romeo: i fucking love my boyfriend <3

absolutevalue: cute

romeo: thank u <3

romeo: we're hugging in the middle of the sidewalk and being a disruption would u like to join us

absolutevalue: im good but have fun

trashmouth: awww i can see u guys ur cute

trashmouth: billiam is looking FINE today

juliet: oh my god

trashmouth: that swag,,,, mm yes

juliet: never say swag again

trashmouth: ok swag master

juliet: richie no

coolguy: mike i want a hug

thankunext: ok sweetie im omw!!!

trashmouth: the cutest couple

beepbeeprichie: hello stanley

absolutevalue: hello eddie! how the fuck did you get in my room!

trashmouth: he's a monkey monkey man

**georgie protection club**

**9.13 am**

trashmouth: u ever feel sad but like for no good reason

trashmouth: shit wrong chat nvm

**chimken nunget**

**9.14 am**

trashmouth: u ever feel sad but like for no good reason

kryptonite: what's wrong?????

trashmouth: all my friends r giving each other hugs n stuff and im just sitting in the general store by myself

trashmouth: like bev deadass ran all the way across town to hug bill and eds climbed in stan's window and mike lives pretty far out but hes zoomin to ben

trashmouth: and i know two of those r couples but im just kinda :/ cause im the extra friend anyway but it's sad having it rubbed in

kryptonite: oh… yeah, i know how that feels

kryptonite: i would give you a hug if i could, richie

trashmouth: thank u baby <3

kryptonite: <3

mickeymouse: stop flirting with my ex u cheapshot

trashmouth: idk jane r u chill

kryptonite: im totally chill

trashmouth: hell yes i love u <3

kryptonite: i love u too <3

mickeymouse: oh my god

**georgie protection club**

**9.14 am**

beepbeeprichie: are you ok???

trashmouth: yea im fine lol

beepbeeprichie: hhh ok,,

beepbeeprichie: ily

trashmouth: ily more babyboy

trashmouth: just had a moment

**beepbeeprichie >> absolutevalue**

**9.17 am**

beepbeeprichie: im gonna cry this isn't fair

absolutevalue: what's wrong?

beepbeeprichie: i… ah ok

beepbeeprichie: im sort of… gay

beepbeeprichie: well, bi, actually

absolutevalue: you like girls? can't relate

beepbeeprichie: wait really

absolutevalue: yes, really

beepbeeprichie: i like richie so uh,,, obvious angst there but also he just called me babyboy and that should not have made me so jittery

absolutevalue: oh shit, eddie

absolutevalue: i kind of get that, though

absolutevalue: i like bill

absolutevalue: that was weird to type, i've never admitted it to someone else before

beepbeeprichie: damn, brother

beepbeeprichie: so we both kinda fucked, huh

absolutevalue: yeah

absolutevalue: i guess we are

**coolguy >> thankunext**

**9.12 am**

coolguy: there's no way he knows, right

coolguy: richie, i mean

coolguy: because you know what people say about him

thankunext: yeah, i know

thankunext: i think we would know if he knew, darling

coolguy: ok…

coolguy: i love you lots

thankunext: i love you too!! next weekend, i'll pick you up in my truck and we can do a little road trip to some town nearby, yeah? go on a date away from anyone we know

coolguy: oh my god that sounds amazing

coolguy: yes, i'd love that

thankunext: ok!! <3<3<3

coolguy: <3<3<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look. if dustin makes a new friend. not my problem. & if claire & troy show up. i can't be held liable. i'm just the messenger my man. i cannot be blamed.
> 
> as always, thank you so much for reading!! comment and lemme know what you wanna see if you are so compelled, & feel free to bother me on tumblr @theworriedman ((: ya boy tired & bored so this is gonna update quick again lmao


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lesbianhoratio: robin….. robbie……. my dear, why did you make this chat
> 
> bigdickenergy: to hang out with nerds apparently
> 
> cornflower.curls: ok you know what that's fair  
> \--  
> there is some bonding & there is some gaying & there is an actual mature conversation (a shock)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i kinda get the vibes that this chapter is just like. a fuckton of setup for other stuff so kinda sorry but also not sorry in the least lmao
> 
> some notes before we begin (PLEASE READ):  
> -the whole first part is a discussion on gender identity, which can be a sensitive topic!!  
> -there are some refs to a dad being a shitty dad !! there's nothing explicitly mentioned in this chapter, but please tread carefully on that particular subplot (mostly because there is a ref to strong control over his kid's weight/eating and i do not want that to do something bad for anyone). i love you all!!  
> -lots of Long Texts & sappy words eugh good luck
> 
> mickeymouse: mike w.  
> i got a big stick: will  
> lululemon: lucas  
> annoyinggoose: dustin  
> kryptonite: jane  
> riptide: max  
> trashmouth: richie  
> romeo: beverly  
> juliet: bill  
> absolutevalue: stanley u.  
> beepbeeprichie: eddie  
> coolguy: ben  
> thankunext: mike h.  
> prettyboy: steve  
> sharpshooter: nancy  
> batman: jonathon  
> 420baby: tommy h.  
> cornflower.curls: carol  
> lesbianhoratio: barbara  
> bigdickenergy: robin  
> pizzamilkshake: kotku  
> ihatethesun: boris  
> sweaterweather: theo  
> 10fingers: james  
> winkwonk: sydney  
> lorde: dina  
> mrlobster: stanley b.

**kryptonite >> trashmouth**

**3.22 am**

kryptonite: richie, can we talk?

trashmouth: yes of course babygirl

trashmouth: what's up??

kryptonite: i've been thinking

kryptonite: there was something at school today? there's this girl in my english class and today some other kids were sort of… making fun of her, but it was really weird

kryptonite: one of them said "you made a better boy" and she looked like she was crying and i didn't know what to do because i didn't get it and i feel bad

trashmouth: oh,,,, oh janey, ok

trashmouth: i mean, i don't know the kid!! so i could be totally wrong!! but that sounds… like transphobia?

kryptonite: what?

trashmouth: ok uh ive never explained this to someone before

trashmouth: you remember a few months ago, back when mikey first introduced us, when you messaged me to ask about max?

kryptonite: yeah!! yeah, because i want to kiss her!!

trashmouth: yes, exactly!!! and you remember what i told you?

kryptonite: that it's ok, but i should be careful, because there are lots of people that would hate me for it? because they're assholes without a sense of respect?

trashmouth: yes, exactly

trashmouth: i kind of hate that comparison, because i don't want you to think the two are linked, really, but remember the part about assholes with no sense of respect, ok?

trashmouth: so, what im thinking is that this kid in your class might be transgender

kryptonite: i… don't get it

trashmouth: it means, if im right, that she was born with a male body. and she might have identified as male for a while, because that's what her body said she was, but she's really not, so once she realised that, she started presenting as a female

kryptonite: that can happen?

trashmouth: yep, and it's totally valid and cool

trashmouth: there is no reason that she needs to change and no reason she ever needs to doubt who she is but some people don't like it, just like how some people don't like you wanting to kiss max

trashmouth: the gender identity and the sexual orientation aren't totally linked, though, and transphobia vs homophobia are separate problems, but that's really an opinion of my own, so i don't want to lecture you on it

kryptonite: ok!!!

kryptonite: so girls can be born boys?

trashmouth: yeah!! boys can be born girls, too

trashmouth: sometimes there are people that aren't a boy or a girl!! and that's ok too!!

kryptonite: not a boy or a girl? what are they, then?

trashmouth: im not completely educated in all of it, and it might be better to ask someone who's actually nonbinary, i'll be honest, but i know some stuff

trashmouth: the gender binary would be male and female as the two genders, and some people say that's it, that's all there is

trashmouth: a lot of science and religion and just accepting people say that the binary is bullshit, though

trashmouth: i, personally, identify as male, and i also have a male body, so im cisgender and i fit into that binary, right? and a guy who identifies as male but has a female body isn't cisgender, but he also fits into the binary

trashmouth: but there's a whole spectrum between male and female that people fill! so people can fall anywhere on that spectrum and nobody's stuck in one spot

trashmouth: it's completely normal for everyone to have some fluctuation in their gender, no matter who they are, but for binary people that fluctuation is just really tiny and natural and stays at their end of the spectrum

trashmouth: but for nonbinary people, that fluctuation isn't the same! some people fluctuate all the way from one end to another, and that's called being genderfluid! some people fluctuate but never hit either end of the spectrum, and that's what a lot of people call agender

trashmouth: i think there are also people that fluctuate from one end to the nonbinary zone and then back but never travel all the way across, but don't quote me on that

kryptonite: huh

kryptonite: that's kind of cool!!

kryptonite: that's actually super duper cool!!

kryptonite: so you can be a boy and a girl?

trashmouth: mhm!!

kryptonite: that… wow

kryptonite: is it ok that i kind of feel like i did when you said girls can kiss girls?

trashmouth: of course that's ok, baby!! which thing kind of clicked for you?

kryptonite: genderfluid, i think? because i really like wearing dresses and makeup and all that sometimes, but sometimes when people call me a girl i feel weird

kryptonite: that's part of why i broke up with mike… mostly because i just didn't like him like that but partially because it felt weird when he called his girlfriend a lot

trashmouth: genderfluid, ok! that's pretty radical! you wanna test that out for a bit?

kryptonite: yeah, i think so!!

trashmouth: alright, then

trashmouth: let me know what pronouns to use for you when you feel different, ok?

kryptonite: ok!! i think i definitely feel like a girl right now :)

trashmouth: ok, babygirl

kryptonite: is it ok if sometimes i don't really feel like either one?

trashmouth: yes!!! let me know when you feel like that, and we can test out they/them pronouns if you want

trashmouth: you want this to stay between us?

kryptonite: ok!! ok, i'd like that!!!

kryptonite: and yes, i think so… i would like to tell my friends someday, but at least until im done figuring it out, i think between us would be nice

kryptonite: i might tell mike

trashmouth: go for it if you want, i know he'll support you

kryptonite: thank you for helping me with this stuff, richie!!

trashmouth: always, janey

trashmouth: you're my best friend

**chimken nunget**

**4.20 am**

annoyinggoose: blaze it

mickeymouse: god i wish

sharpshooter: i raised him right

_bigdickenergy has created a chat_

_bigdickenergy has added 2 others to the chat_

_bigdickenergy has named the chat 'laid ease'_

**laid ease**

**10.02 am**

cornflower.curls: oh, hey! robin, right?

bigdickenergy: that's me

lesbianhoratio: eye-

lesbianhoratio: carol perkins?

cornflower.curls: the one and only

cornflower.curls: barbara holland?

lesbianhoratio: yeah

cornflower.curls: i like your username

cornflower.curls: impeccable taste

lesbianhoratio: you've read hamlet?

cornflower.curls: yep, i had a bit of a shakespeare obsession freshman year

cornflower.curls: my fixation on hamlet and cymbeline coincidentally lined up with my emo phase… how intriguing

lesbianhoratio: y o u v e r e a d c y m b e l i n e ?

bigdickenergy: god, you're both nerds

lesbianhoratio: ok rude

cornflower.curls: maybe so but ophelia is my ride or die

lesbianhoratio: robin….. robbie……. my dear, why did you make this chat

lesbianhoratio: also MOOD

bigdickenergy: to hang out with nerds apparently

cornflower.curls: ok you know what that's fair

lesbianhoratio: r o b i n

bigdickenergy: ok fine fine

bigdickenergy: because last period you were the only two that backed me when i said nick is gay for gatsby

cornflower.curls: i mean we're right

bigdickenergy: exactly

bigdickenergy: nerd

cornflower.curls: i deserve that

**the party**

**10.10 am**

i got a big stick: mike fell asleep on me

kryptonite: aw!!

kryptonite: pictures. now.

i got a big stick: [pretty.png]

i got a big stick: im getting to play with his hair (:<

kryptonite: i love playing with his hair

i got a big stick: i know…. it's so soft……

lululemon: i showed max the picture and she cooed we've done the impossible lads

annoyinggoose: give him a braid

annoyinggoose: his hair looks so nice grown out, i like that he's stopped straightening it

i got a big stick: yeah it's so fucking pretty

i got a big stick: I'm Soft For My Best Friend

kryptonite: you two are the cutest <3

i got a big stick: thank you!!! i love him

kryptonite: he loves you too!! how convenient

i got a big stick: :)

**trashmouth >> romeo**

**11.04 am**

trashmouth: you're a biséxual, correct?

**GREASED LIGHTNIN-**

**11.04 am**

420baby: kill me

prettyboy: what's up

420baby: james brought his fucking weirdo friends over

420baby: i can't do my calc homework when my head's already pounding and troy walsh is ranting about game of thrones in the next room i literally can't

cornflower.curls: do you have your door back?

420baby: no, dad said he won't put it back up until im in shape

prettyboy: 1) your dad took your door ?

prettyboy: 2) you,,, you are in shape

prettyboy: you're literally like. basketball's star player this year

420baby: yeah well my dad doesn't think so and i can't change his mind

420baby: so until i hit whatever fuckin goal he's got in mind. no door.

420baby: so no privacy

420baby: so no escape from the hellions

cornflower.curls: shit, babe…

cornflower.curls: troy is into claire, she said she'll call him and ask him to come over if needed

420baby: oh god no she doesn't need to put herself through that

420baby: if she's gonna call someone she better call someone better than that

prettyboy: doesn't claire have a boyfriend?

cornflower.curls: nah, they broke up

cornflower.curls: she's still getting over her crush on what's his name

cornflower.curls: little byers

prettyboy: she had a crush on w i l l ?

cornflower.curls: correct!! but she said he was really shy and she was afraid he would get mad or freaked out if she tried to sit with him

cornflower.curls: i love her but her anxiety is worse than tom's

420baby: r u d e

prettyboy: i,,,,, will is like the sweetest boy ever he wouldn't get mad

cornflower.curls: that's what i said!!! but she was scared :/

420baby: poor kid

**chimken nunget**

**11.21 am**

prettyboy: im literally crying what

prettyboy: william

prettyboy: william did you know claire perkins had a crush on you

i got a big stick: w h a t

prettyboy: she refused to talk to you because she thought you would get mad someone intruded on your space i-

i got a big stick: wait that's kinda sad

i got a big stick: i've never talked to her but she seems smart i wish we had talked :(

i got a big stick: not that i want to go out with her it's just sad that she was afraid to talk to me

**romeo >> juliet**

**12.00 pm**

romeo: im kind of hyperventilating

juliet: what's wrong?? what happened??

romeo: [screenshot.png]

romeo: t h i s

juliet: oh

juliet: i mean you are bi tho??

romeo: william for fucks sake look who i got it from

juliet: oh

juliet: o h

juliet: oh shit uhhh

romeo: how does he know how the fuck does he know

romeo: why is he asking what is he gonna do im flipping out

juliet: fuck bev i. i don't know

romeo: aaaaaaaaaa

romeo: i. ok! i got this

**romeo >> trashmouth**

**12.06 pm**

romeo: why do you ask?

**lululemon >> annoyinggoose**

**1.03 pm**

lululemon: hey man

annoyinggoose: hey! what's up?

lululemon: just wanted to say hi

lululemon: we haven't hung out very much recently

annoyinggoose: yep, we've all been pretty busy

lululemon: you haven't been busy, though

annoyinggoose: not true

annoyinggoose: ive been busy fucking smashing it on mario world tour

lululemon: yeah, but you could have done that with me

annoyinggoose: yeah, but you were busy

annoyinggoose: it's ok, lu, im not holding it against you

lululemon: still…………….

lululemon: come over tomorrow

annoyinggoose: mkay

lululemon: "mkay" i love when you do that

annoyinggoose: anssksk i've always done that shut up

lululemon: yeah but like it's cute

lululemon: it's got nerd vibes

annoyinggoose: to be fair… i also have nerd vibes

lululemon: to be fair… 

lululemon: yeah, you're right

lululemon: nerd

annoyinggoose: :D

**lululemon >> riptide**

**1.10 pm**

lululemon: ://

riptide: ://

riptide: i too go "://" in my presence but what's up

lululemon: do you want to go on a date with me

riptide: im sorry what

lululemon: sorry i sent that impulsively oh my god

lululemon: sorry

riptide: no it's ok

lululemon: hm asking your ex girlfriend on a date over text at 1 in the afternoon without even thinking it through is not usually regarded as ok

lululemon: we usually call those people… fückboís

riptide: i know you're not a fūckbøï lucas

riptide: and hey, we agreed we were going to be honest with each other :(

lululemon: i knowwwwww but i don't want to make anything awkward

riptide: lucasssssssssssssssss

lululemon: finefinefine

lululemon: ok uhh

lululemon: yeah. yeah, i still like you. and i know that's super weird to say since we literally broke up over liking different people, but it's true

lululemon: and the crush that i had when we broke up hasn't gone away, but my feelings for you never went away either

lululemon: so, uh. that's the truth. i guess.

riptide: wow

riptide: that's not like a bad wow i just really had no clue you still liked me

lululemon: i mean,, you didn't really need to, i figured? 

riptide: lucas i literally sit on top of you during movie night

lululemon: yeah, and? like, yeah, kinda stung at first, but you have no obligation to my feelings for you, you know? like you're my friend and i would honestly call you my best friend and i really like hanging out with you

lululemon: and the fact that you're comfortable enough with me to be touchy when i know you're not a touching person is just super heartwarming. like in the most platonic of ways. like also it kind of hurts my heart sometimes but mostly im just so grateful to have you as my friend

lululemon: also you make me have Emotions which is disgusting halt that instantly

riptide: lucas.

lululemon: max.

riptide: i cannot believe we are having this conversation over text lmao

lululemon: oh shit is that. like. mean

riptide: nah

riptide: like there are some Emotional Conversations i would prefer to have in person? like when we broke up i would have been pissed as FUCK if you did it over text. or like don't propose over text or whatever, u know

riptide: but like yeah i know getting the words out in person is hard for you and that's totally ok like it's way easy for everyone to talk about more emotional/personal topics online and if that's what makes it so you can get your point across then do it!! im not gonna get annoyed that you're trying to say what you mean

lululemon: sometimes i forget you're like. actually really brilliant and not just the funny n cool girl i joke around with

riptide: your type is just funny people that are smarter than you think

lululemon: i mean yeah but did you have to call me out like that

riptide: always <3

riptide: yeah so uh

riptide: i am equally as bad at feelings as you are but i really wanna say this so just bear with me ok

lululemon: yes of course

riptide: aight so like!! back in eighth grade i was just a dumb little baby with lots of anger and trauma and stuff

riptide: and you were annoying as all fuck but you were like the first person to ever make me feel seen, you know? like after my mom got me back from my aunt and all life fucking sucked, dude

lululemon: have i ever mentioned that i really don't like your mom. or like. your family

riptide: me either lmao

riptide: but yeah you like. made me feel like i was worth being around!! and so i kept being around you!! and then we were together and i was like fuck yes he is great

riptide: i mean you were still super annoying but it was great

lululemon: much thanks

riptide: uwu

riptide: but i was still just a little baby recovering from all the bullshit, and i literally had no fucking clue what was going on? also i lied i did not break with you because i had a crush on the guy in my math class, i broke up with you because i had a crush on el

lululemon: like half of me is like "woah bombshell" and half of me is like "yeah that tracks"

riptide: i would have told you then but i didn't know yet that you weren't straight and i didn't want to piss you off or something

riptide: and yeah i have gay vibes i think

lululemon: you do, they're pretty rad

riptide: aw <3 anyway long story short i think part of the reason i got a crush on her is because i was so lost and confused and had no clue what was going on at any given time but she kinda,, after she stopped hating me she kinda looked up to me, and i felt seen again but in a totally different way

riptide: like,,, you looked at me like i was a real person, and she looked at me like i was something to admire, and both of those were incredibly important to me

riptide: so like. 10th grade me, i will admit, is not much less a dumb baby than 8th grade me. but!! 10th grade me is way more confident in my identity and myself and isn't codependent on relationships to form my personhood so like

riptide: yeah, i still like janey. i am so fucking attracted to her. but honestly, ive never stopped liking you, and im not sure i like her more. and you're still my best friend.

riptide: and also everytime you steal my m&ms at the theatre and pretend it was dustin i have an incredibly strong urge to kiss you

lululemon: o h

lululemon: ok there is a lot to process there give me a sec to get my head in order and also yes kiss is ok

riptide: excellent, very glad kiss is ok

lululemon: uwu 

lululemon: ight alright

lululemon: so you like jane. but you also like me

lululemon: and i like dustin. but i also like you

lululemon: so. in that case. if i may be so bold

lululemon: do you want to go on a date with me?

riptide: i absolutely want to go on a date with you

riptide: if you're feeling unsure, we can keep it on the down-low and test it out before we make it official. or we can just make it official, because both work for me

lululemon: i think,,, i would appreciate a few small dates first to test it out

lululemon: but the end goal is making it official and calling you my girlfriend again

riptide: and i can't wait <3

**lorde >> winkwonk**

**4.30pm**

lorde: syd?

lorde: you said you were coming over today

lorde: where are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lucas & max really do be like we are attracted to so many people. this is how relationships work. & i love them for it
> 
> & yes!! ianowt is actually here!! & yes they will fit into the plot i promise
> 
> again, thank you sm for readingggggg ily guys <333


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prettyboy: hey i just realised i never asked
> 
> prettyboy: @mike and richie i know you're friends but like… how did you meet
> 
> mickeymouse: i-
> 
> toeshere: i-  
> __  
> a fun.... revelation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there r some kinda sad parts in here ig oof . also the ianowt don't properly come in until next chapter aksjskske ik ik im sorry but it was getting too long ok
> 
> mickeymouse: mike w.  
> i got a big stick: will  
> lululemon: lucas  
> annoyinggoose: dustin  
> kryptonite: jane  
> riptide: max  
> trashmouth: richie  
> romeo: beverly  
> juliet: bill  
> absolutevalue: stanley u.  
> beepbeeprichie: eddie  
> coolguy: ben  
> thankunext: mike h.  
> prettyboy: steve  
> sharpshooter: nancy  
> batman: jonathon  
> 420baby: tommy h.  
> cornflower.curls: carol  
> lesbianhoratio: barbara  
> bigdickenergy: robin  
> pizzamilkshake: kotku  
> ihatethesun: boris  
> sweaterweather: theo  
> 10fingers: james

**trashmouth >> romeo**

**4.45 pm**

trashmouth: shit sorry i completely passed out

trashmouth: i was just wondering

romeo: it's fine.

romeo: yeah, i am.

trashmouth: ok just checking

trashmouth: check ur mailbox uwu ily

**the losers club**

**5.00 pm**

romeo: i

romeo: richard

trashmouth: ma'am yes ma'am

trashmouth: is this about the bracelet

romeo: this is in fact about the bracelet

trashmouth: i mean i found it on ebay and i was like. doesn't work for me, obviously, so i figured i would give it to you

romeo: yes obviously i love it but r i c h i e

trashmouth: what

juliet: what's going on??

juliet: richie what did you do??

trashmouth: i just sent her a bracelet??

juliet: im so confused

juliet: bev what's going on

romeo: yeah no that's seriously what he did he sent a bi pride bracelet in the mail

absolutevalue: why to you?

trashmouth: because she's bí?

absolutevalue: what?

coolguy: what?

beepbeeprichie: she's fucking what

trashmouth: i… shit

romeo: richie this. this really wasn't public knowledge and i don't understand how you knew

trashmouth: you

trashmouth: i

trashmouth: what do you mean it wasn't public knowledge?

romeo: oh my god

trashmouth: i thought it was an inside joke or something im so sorry you guys oh my god

trashmouth: i didn't mean to out you oh my god i swear i didn’t

romeo: how did you k n o w

trashmouth: i could've sworn you told me

romeo: i did not

absolutevalue: if she was going to tell someone, why would it be you?

trashmouth: ok wow

beepbeeprichie: stan holy shit

absolutevalue: wait, that sounded so mean

trashmouth: nah it's cool, i got it

trashmouth: sorry bevvy

romeo: it's ok!! i probably needed to tell them anyway

romeo: i've always wanted to be the gay friend

absolutevalue: why do you get to be the gay friend? i want to be the gay friend

beepbeeprichie: STAN HOLY SHIT

juliet: ansnekwnwk oh my god

absolutevalue: wait no, forget i said that

**absolutevalue to toeshere**

**5.35 pm**

absolutevalue: hey, i'm sorry for what i said. i should have worded it better.

_ this user has blocked you. message not sent. _

absolutevalue: shit.

_ this user has blocked you. message not sent. _

**chimken nunget**

**5.06 pm**

annoyinggoose: hey, can anyone meet up?

mickeymouse: sorry, it's byers saturday game night

mickeymouse: tradition as of today

annoyinggoose: aw, that's cute

lululemon: i wish i could, but max and i are watching erica

riptide: ^^^^

kryptonite: dad wanted to play monopoly with his girlfriend so im hiding in will's room to call richie

kryptonite: mike and will's room?

kryptonite: boys, weigh in

i got a big stick: for the foreseeable future, yeah

mickeymouse: yeah i mean yeah i guess yeah

toeshere: im in maine and also calling janey rn sorry buddy

annoyinggoose: it's cool!! that all sounds like a lot of fun!!

annoyinggoose: except maine :/

toeshere: can confirm maine Succ

lululemon: you sure you don't wanna come here? i know erica's a menace but max and i would be down to hang

annoyinggoose: nah, you know your mom would get pissed

lululemon: true

**sharpshooter >> batman**

**5.23 pm**

sharpshooter: you didn't tell me your family was doing game night

sharpshooter: i made a pie earlier because i had nothing to do but i don't want it in the house because ted doesn't deserve any, can i drop it off for you guys?

batman: i didn't know we were doing game night until your brother tackled me off my bed and hit me with a sock so

batman: and yeah, sure! do you wanna stay and hang out?

sharpshooter: i wish i could :/ steve finally convinced me to go to dinner with him and his friends

batman: not in a weird way, right?

sharpshooter: no, not at all! he made sure to tell me that like six times

batman: sounds like steve

batman: you're going to dinner with tommy and carol?

sharpshooter: robin is coming too, but yeah

sharpshooter: he says they've gotten nicer but i don't know

batman: let me know how it goes

batman: rooting for you!

sharpshooter: :)!!

**losers club w/o richie**

**6.00 pm**

absolutevalue: ok now that my panic attack has ceased

absolutevalue: did he block you guys too

beepbeeprichie: what?

beepbeeprichie: oh… yeah

beepbeeprichie: shit

beepbeeprichie: shit shit shit shit shit oh my god

juliet: fucking shit! fuck me

romeo: oh i do not like this

coolguy: oh. oh no.

thankunext: maybe he's just having a breakdown? that's happened before

absolutevalue: oh great i caused a breakdown! so he'll hate me anyway! fucking peachy!

juliet: stan, he's not gonna hate you

absolutevalue: it's richie, you don't know that

juliet: it's richie, so i know that

juliet: it'll be ok

juliet: i promise

romeo: we can talk to him monday!! it'll be ok!!

beepbeeprichie: he's in four of my classes, i can talk to him at least once for sure

absolutevalue: ok

absolutevalue: shit, i feel like such an asshole

juliet: you want me to come over later? i can sleep at yours 

absolutevalue: your parents won't let you

juliet: trust me, they won't even notice

juliet: i'm more worried about you

absolutevalue: i… that would be really nice.

juliet: ok <3

absolutevalue: <3

**annoyinggoose >> 10fingers**

**7.00 pm**

annoyinggoose: im in the park, if you wanna like. hang or something

10fingers: that actually sounds great

10fingers: can’t sneak out till my dad is home and he’s done his rounds or whatever but he should be here around 7:15 so i’ll be there asap

annoyinggoose: aye aye captain see you then

10fingers: aye aye indeed

**mickeymouse >> sharpshooter**

**7.05 pm**

mickeymouse: do you think she'll find something good?

mickeymouse: mom, i mean? once it's over?

mickeymouse: sorry, i know you're doing stuff, i just haven't told anyone about That yet and watching hopper and ms byers made me think

mickeymouse: i don't want her to be messed up over it, yknow

mickeymouse: like i know that's super dumb because it's a divorce and that messes people up and i know it's awful but i don't even like her that much but i still think she should be happy

mickeymouse: ok will's giving me a weird look for typing so much

mickeymouse: sorry for spamming you lol hope you're having fun

**the losers club**

**10.25 pm**

absolutevalue: [billy.png]

absolutevalue: tell me, does he look high

romeo: yes

coolguy: yes

beepbeeprichie: yes

thankunext: yes

absolutevalue: thank you for participating

thankunext: is he?

absolutevalue: no

absolutevalue: he just drank four la croix and went insane for some reason

juliet: they have COCAINE i swear to god

absolutevalue: no, you're just pathetic

juliet: you're so mean

absolutevalue: mhm

absolutevalue: love you too, billy

juliet: hey stan stan look at me

absolutevalue: why did you text me that instead of just saying it out loud

juliet: you're not looking at me yet, asshole

romeo: weirdos

**sharpshooter >> mickeymouse**

**10.32 pm**

sharpshooter: sorry, that took a while

sharpshooter: we went out after dinner

sharpshooter: ok i don't really know where to start with this but mike… it's ok not to like her. yes, she's been distant because she's been utterly unsatisfied with her life and struggling to live with dad, but that doesn't erase that she's been distant

sharpshooter: just because she's your mom doesn't mean she has to feel like one, ok? if you can't reconcile those feelings in your mind then that's ok, because she wasn't trying and you deserved better

sharpshooter: it doesn't make her a bad person or someone that deserves ill, it just makes her a bad mom. that's different.

sharpshooter: i don't know if she'll get remarried, honestly. on one hand, i'm not sure she wants to after dealing with ted, but i'm also not sure she knows anything else to do. she doesn't know how to support herself. she never learned, and i don't know if she really wants to now. but either way, i'm here for you, ok?

sharpshooter: you're a loser and all that but i love you. and steve basically thinks you're his little brother now. and the byers fucking adore you. so you're always gonna have someone to turn to, even if life goes downhill, ok?

mickeymouse: life's been going downhill for a while now, let's be honest

mickeymouse: but yeah. love you too, weirdo

mickeymouse: i might come back tomorrow to get some more stuff? don't want to impose too long, but i don't think i'm ready to come back there yet

sharpshooter: hey, i've been calling barb's house my home since seventh grade. if you need to find your home someplace else, that's ok

sharpshooter: mom's going out at 3 and won't be back until 8 or 9, so you can shoot for between that and not run into either of them

mickeymouse: kk

mickeymouse: thanks nance

sharpshooter: no problem :)

**toeshere >> kryptonite**

**12.45 am**

toeshere: sorry for hanging up so quick my dad came home

kryptonite: it's ok! stab him

toeshere: no he's cool! he'd probably think you were super rad, actually, he's just really stressed and if he thinks im not sleeping enough he gets even more stressed and i don't wanna do that yknow? the man kinda deserves a hug

kryptonite: i can come hug him, i give great hugs

toeshere: if i had the money i'd buy u a ticket

kryptonite: if i had the money i'd already be there :(

toeshere: aw

toeshere: i wish you were tbh??

kryptonite: me too, richie

kryptonite: actually, i wish you were here. hawkins isn't so bad if you avoid the bad people :)

toeshere: derry is shit always lmao

toeshere: i've been saving up my money for years, but i tell u what, when i get enough i'll head straight there

kryptonite: pinky promise?

toeshere: pinky promise

toeshere: night night, janey

kryptonite: night night!

**chimken nunget**

**4.20 am**

annoyinggoose: blaze it

**the party**

**4.26 am**

annoyinggoose: lmao

annoyinggoose: lmao im fuckin

annoyinggoose: im trippin man

annoyingggoose: i'm gonna call suzie

**the party**

**7.20 am**

mickeymouse: why would you call suzie

mickeymouse: like not a bad decision i guess just… why

lululemon: tbh yeah

lululemon: also wanna catch a flick later?

mickeymouse: a f l i c k

mickeymouse: will will you pay for me

lululemon: that sentence hurt my brain

i got a big stick: s i g h

i got a big stick: fine michael i'll pay for you

mickeymouse: yayyyyy

**lululemon >> mickeymouse**

**7.27 am**

lululemon: look at u finally asking him out

mickeymouse: that's not funny

lululemon: that's not a joke

mickeymouse: l u c a s

mickeymouse: for the last time im not gay

lululemon: dude drop the act i heard you talking to jane

lululemon: no one cares that u wanna suck will's dick

mickeymouse: except will

lululemon: oh yeah

lululemon: but hey, maybe he's come around! he gives u heart eyes all the time!

mickeymouse: lmao! if he heard i was gay he'd never speak to me again!

lululemon: dude ur living in his house he obviously cares about u

mickeymouse: only cause jonathon felt bad about the divorce

lululemon: i

lululemon: what?

**chimken nunget**

**7.48 am**

prettyboy: hey i just realised i never asked

prettyboy: @mike and richie i know you're friends but like… how did you meet

mickeymouse: i-

toeshere: i-

toeshere: LMAO

mickeymouse: stop

toeshere: HOW CAN U TELL ME TO STOP

toeshere: IM CACKLING

toeshere: AHAHAHAHA

mickeymouse: richard it's not that funny

toeshere: use my full name coward

mickeymouse: ok

mickeymouse: innokenti yakovlevich pavlikovsky it's not that funny

toeshere: pullin' out the big boy guns

prettyboy: i?

prettyboy: am i supposed to know what's going on here

sharpshooter: i am…. also confused

sharpshooter: how do you know each other?

toeshere: mikhail yakovlevich pavlikovsky is a coward and a tiny baby

mickeymouse: TAKE THAT THE F U C K BACK

mickeymouse: I'M OLDER THAN YOU

mickeymouse: I'M O L D E R

toeshere: NO UR NOT UR TINY AND LITTLE

toeshere: TINY LITTLE BABY BROTHER

prettyboy: wait w h a t

mickeymouse: BURN IN H E L L

annoyinggoose: YOU'RE RELATED??????

mickeymouse: N O

toeshere: AHAHAHAHA

toeshere: BILL'S MOM HAS PICTURES

mickeymouse: DON'T YOU FUCKING D A R E

toeshere: [wesolittle.png]

mickeymouse: die

i got a big stick: what'd i miss

i got a big stick: what the shit

mickeymouse: yah yah we're twins ok cool movin' on

i got a big stick: m o v e o n ?

i got a big stick: what the FUCK michael

toeshere: *mikhail

mickeymouse: richie it's literally the same name nobody cares if it's anglicised

sharpshooter: you're adopted?

mickeymouse: i-

mickeymouse: how did you not-

sharpshooter: im- what?

mickeymouse: give me a sec

mickeymouse: before this goes any further

toeshere: wait no don't

_ mickeymouse has added ihatethesun to the chat _

ihatethesun: huh?

ihatethesun: i am stalked?

mickeymouse: sadly no

ihatethesun: ????

ihatethesun: mikhail!!!!!!

ihatethesun: groupchat? why add me

toeshere: told you mikhail is a better name

mickeymouse: shut UP

mickeymouse: richie and i accidentally told everyone we share dna so i figured

toeshere: ⅔ ain't bad tho :/

ihatethesun: you just do not like me shut up

toeshere: i mean yea

toeshere: you're right

kryptonite: I thought you said he was your favourite?

mickeymouse: w o w

ihatethesun: awwwwww

toeshere: no i didn't

kryptonite: ?

kryptonite: friends don't lie

toeshere: boris and i aren't friends

ihatethesun: no we are brothers

ihatethesun: and you love me ♡

toeshere: i would sell you to satan for a coffee bean ♡

ihatethesun: i would sell myself to satan for a coffee bean how is this a threat

toeshere: not everyone thinks they're fun crunchy little snacks boris!!!!

sharpshooter: what the FUCK is going on

batman: guys…. what the hell….

mickeymouse: we are. triplets

toeshere: we’re also illegal immigrants

mickeymouse: why would you mention that. right now.

i got a big stick: WHAT

sharpshooter: how the hell did i not know this????

mickeymouse: karen and ted hate talking about it

mickeymouse: a uh a big source of contention

mickeymouse: especially since i couldn’t. you know. formally be adopted without causing a huge hassle

sharpshooter: so we’re just… literally not related?

mickeymouse: i mean. yeah

ihatethesun: sorry on interrupting

ihatethesun: this is nancy, yes?

mickeymouse: yep, the one and only

ihatethesun: i have to say to nancy that thank you for calling mike stupid

ihatethesun: he is idiot and deserves to know

sharpshooter: i truly do try my best, thank you for appreciating my work

ihatethesun: of course, am big fan

mickeymouse: wow.

i got a big stick: are we gonna go back to the illegal immigrant thing or-

riptide: i’m literally fucking cackling

riptide: like im sorry but this is the funniest thing

toeshere: yeah that’s fair

lululemon: guys shut up dustin is sleeping

lululemon: wait hold up

lululemon: there are more mikes?

toeshere: unfortunately

ihatethesun: very common name

ihatethesun: also yes he stole my face :(

mickeymouse: you’re still not funny, you know that?

ihatethesun: theo thinks i am funny!!!

mickeymouse: theo is gay for you!!!!

riptide: im c r y i n g what

ihatethesun: maybe so. but i am also gay for him, so it cancels out

lululemon: i’m like 97% sure that’s not how it works

riptide: no no thats definitely how it works

ihatethesun: thank you kind stranger

riptide: yes, of course

lululemon: how could you betray me like this

riptide: ily <3

**GREASED LIGHTNIN-**

**7.49 am**

420baby: this is gonna sound wack but can i please come over somewhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it do be like that ig ? hope u enjoyed this complete fucking disaster. had 2 upload on my phone which was a nightmare


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mickeymouse: all i remember abt him was when he gave me vodka at hanukkah, age 4
> 
> mickeymouse: rip vodka uncle you are not missed
> 
> toeshere: damn
> 
> toeshere: wish i had gotten vodka at hanukkah, age 4  
> -  
> i fucking wish i could summarise this for you. i fucking wish i could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forewarning: this is. 61 pages in google docs. this is so many pages in google docs. this is so long. i don't know why. i'm so sorry.
> 
> there's like plot or whatever ig. troy is a fucking moron & that's straight up not my problem
> 
> mickeymouse: mike w.  
> i got a big stick: will  
> lululemon: lucas  
> annoyinggoose: dustin  
> kryptonite: jane  
> riptide: max  
> trashmouth: richie  
> romeo: beverly  
> juliet: bill  
> absolutevalue: stanley u.  
> beepbeeprichie: eddie  
> coolguy: ben  
> thankunext: mike h.  
> prettyboy: steve  
> sharpshooter: nancy  
> batman: jonathon  
> 420baby: tommy h.  
> cornflower.curls: carol  
> lesbianhoratio: barbara  
> bigdickenergy: robin  
> pizzamilkshake: kotku  
> ihatethesun: boris  
> sweaterweather: theo  
> 10fingers: james  
> winkwonk: sydney  
> lorde: dina  
> mrlobster: stanley b.

**prettyboy >> cornflower.curls**

**9.04 am**

prettyboy: you got tommy, right?

cornflower.curls: yeah

cornflower.curls: are you busy today?

prettyboy: not if you need me

cornflower.curls: aw

cornflower.curls: he says he's fine, but. i mean. it's tom

cornflower.curls: i think he needs to see you

prettyboy: yeah yeah of course

prettyboy: he's at your house?

cornflower.curls: yeah

cornflower.curls: he's asleep rn

cornflower.curls: [cutie.png]

prettyboy: aw

prettyboy: i'll be there soon

cornflower.curls: ok, thanks love

**winkwonk >> lorde**

**10.05 am**

winkwonk: ajsbdkks i lost my phone

lorde: oh ok <3

lorde: but i went by ur house and didn't see u?

winkwonk: yeah im out

lorde: that was yesterday?

winkwonk: yeah im out

lorde: syd what the genuine fuck is going on

winkwonk: just

winkwonk: im ok, i promise

lorde: i can't believe that when you won't tell me what's happening

lorde: sydney i swear to god

winkwonk: <3

winkwonk: i'll come see you like later today

winkwonk: or tmrw idk

lorde: you better

**sharpshooter >> batman**

**10.32 am**

sharpshooter: ok first of all change your username

batman: do you have any suggestions

sharpshooter: psychography 

batman: no

sharpshooter: bummer

sharpshooter: anyway do you have the jacket?

batman: which one? i have the bomber jacket

sharpshooter: no, the jean jacket

batman: i don't think so

sharpshooter: damn

sharpshooter: gc time

**coffee is better fuck you barbara**

**10.39 am**

sharpshooter: jean jacket? who has it?

lesbianhoratio: i gave it to steve like last week

prettyboy: i don't think i have it?

prettyboy: who has the coca cola shirt tho

sharpshooter: im wearing it rn

sharpshooter: @bigdickenergy get online bitch wheres the jacket

bigdickenergy: i thought jonathon had it

batman: i have the bomber jacket

bigdickenergy: oh i wanna wear that to school tmrw

batman: come over if you want

bigdickenergy: hell yes

prettyboy: wait

prettyboy: nance you wore the jean jacket out to dinner

sharpshooter: s h i t

sharpshooter: i gave it to carol

sharpshooter: fuck

prettyboy: im at hers rn i'll just wear it home

lesbianhoratio: uh you were meant to take me to the movies today harrington

prettyboy: shit

prettyboy: im sorry barb tommy got hurt and i totally forgot

sharpshooter: is he ok?

batman: nancy concerned about tommy hagan…. never thought id see the day

sharpshooter: he's not. that bad. ig

sharpshooter: plus he bought me cheesecake so

lesbianhoratio: ah yes, the famous wheeler weakness

sharpshooter: shut up

sharpshooter: is he ok, though?

prettyboy: not really

bigdickenergy: are you ok?

prettyboy: ive been better

prettyboy: im,,,, concerned

prettyboy: it's not really my place to talk about it but his dad is… not the best

bigdickenergy: shit

sharpshooter: how bad is it?

prettyboy: it could be worse i guess but his face looks like shit

prettyboy: his ankle is fucked up too, like all fuckin twisted

prettyboy: he almost cries everytime someone touches it but he keeps trying to walk because he's an idiot

sharpshooter: im omw tell him if he doesn't stay down i'll kill him

lesbianhoratio: mom friend nancy returns

**laid ease**

**11.57 am**

lesbianhoratio: hey carol

lesbianhoratio: steve told us tommy isn't doing too hot

lesbianhoratio: so… how are you?

cornflower.curls: oh

cornflower.curls: im,,, ok

bigdickenergy: sounds fake

cornflower.curls: i mean i can't just… not be upset

cornflower.curls: but i kinda gotta keep it together

bigdickenergy: you need a hug

cornflower.curls: the boys aren't really big on hugging when they're stressed

bigdickenergy: yeah neither is nance probably

lesbianhoratio: im going over rn dw robbie

cornflower.curls: sksksks ok

cornflower.curls: my parents arent home so don't worry abt knocking or anything

bigdickenergy: well now i feel left out

lesbianhoratio: get jon to drive you over

lesbianhoratio: if that's ok with carol

cornflower.curls: yeah sure, why not!!

bigdickenergy: see you soon :)

cornflower.curls: :)

**the gang**

**12.04 pm**

pizzamilkshake: theo why are there no twinkies in your house

sweaterweather: kotku why are you in my house

pizzamilkshake: because i love your twink ass ♡ feed me

sweaterweather: i… ok

sweaterweather: boris & i are right by that weird fusion place you like, i'll pick something up

pizzamilkshake: oh good good

pizzamilkshake: i have vodka & some films you will like

pizzamilkshake: hurry back, am impatient

sweaterweather: yeah yeah i know

**chimken nunget**

**12.36 pm**

riptide: yo russian boy

highriseskies: is that… me

toeshere: technically, we are ALL russian boys,

riptide: yes, you

highriseskies: yo

riptide: boris, right?

riptide: what're you like

highriseskies: uh very boring

highriseskies: smoke, swim, drink, cry, kotku, theo, smoke

highriseskies: repeat, repeat

toeshere: loser

highriseskies: youre gay

toeshere: so ??? are ??? you ???

riptide: does,,,, does being gay run in the family or what

toeshere: probably

toeshere: our uncle was gay i think

mickeymouse: dead uncle?

toeshere: yes

mickeymouse: damn

mickeymouse: all i remember abt him was when he gave me vodka at hanukkah, age 4

mickeymouse: rip vodka uncle you are not missed

toeshere: damn

toeshere: wish i had gotten vodka at hanukkah, age 4

i got a big stick: wait, you guys celebrate hanukkah?

toeshere: yeah?

highriseskies: not huge amount, uncle is dick

highriseskies: but when we were young

mickeymouse: you know

mickeymouse: in retrospect

mickeymouse: it has occurred to me that i did not mention im jewish

i got a big stick: WHAT

lululemon: WHAT

sharpshooter: WHAT

mickeymouse: oops

**the losers club**

**12.41 pm**

toeshere: im fucking crying how the fuck what the fuck

romeo: who the fuck are you

romeo: wait!!!!

romeo: oh my god!!!! richie!!!!!

romeo: you changed your user aaaaaaa

toeshere: oh yea i forgot abt that kansmdmsm

toeshere: can we please hold a moment of silence for my idiot brother, the stupidest man alive

absolutevalue: what did he do?

toeshere: we were talking in groupchat and he mentioned our uncle giving him vodka at hanukkah and anyway that's how we discovered that this fucking dumbass forgot to tell his friends he's jewish

absolutevalue: …oh my god, mike

toeshere: i know, right

toeshere: he's so dumb smh

juliet: yeah yeah mike’s an idiot

juliet: but im like ten feet behind you and i watched you walk into a tree as you sent that

toeshere: shut up ejensksk

toeshere: also get over here you lazy ass whore

juliet: f i n e

beepbeeprichie: so are we just ignoring the part where he blocked us for a day

toeshere: it was one day

beepbeeprichie: i fucking know that

beepbeeprichie: but you wouldn't talk to me at all

beepbeeprichie: i missed you, asshole

toeshere: aw i missed u 2 eds

beepbeeprichie: i take it back

toeshere: ok fair enough

toeshere: lov u

beepbeeprichie: )):<

beepbeeprichie: lov u 2

absolutevalue: cute

romeo: UGH where are ben and mike

romeo: ive texted them like four times )):

romeo: why don't my friends love me )):

absolutevalue: mood

toeshere: mood

toeshere: ey same brain cell

beepbeeprichie: i literally just said ily u rude ass whore

toeshere: 0:

toeshere: i am no whore

absolutevalue: bill is sitting in your lap

toeshere: well yes

toeshere: he's a daddy's boy ;)

juliet: suddenly ive never met this man in my life

toeshere: no wait come back

toeshere: wait stand lee where r u how can u see us

absolutevalue: i can't

absolutevalue: i just know that you're a whore and always ask bill to sit in your lap

romeo: wksnsnjJWNSMSKS

toeshere: well. yes

toeshere: to be fair he always does

romeo: you're both whores

beepbeeprichie: damn bevvy… turning on your own boyf…

**romeo >> juliet**

**12.54 pm**

romeo: i stared at my screen for like deadass seven whole seconds trying to figure out who the hell my boyf was

juliet: you really know how to make a man feel special

romeo: bitch i'll break up with you

romeo: this bracelet hath set me free

romeo: i don't need no comp het cover story no more

juliet: wait but i do

romeo: then u ain't gon be a little bitch

juliet: ok

juliet: ...mommy

romeo: i fucking hate you

**the losers club**

**12.58 pm**

romeo: bill calls me mommy

juliet: literally one time four seconds ago as a joke shut the fuck up

toeshere: WJBDMDMSM

beepbeeprichie: WHAT THE FUCK

absolutevalue: i mean. is bev not the top of the relationship

juliet: i am invoking my fifth amendment right

toeshere: oh my GOD

beepbeeprichie: jesus fucking christ

beepbeeprichie: i mean we been knew

beepbeeprichie: but go to church

romeo: and disappoint my ancestors? i ain't goin to no church if u paid me

juliet: i always forget ur a witch aksnsmsm

beepbeeprichie: wait what's that mean

beepbeeprichie: what?

toeshere: bevvy is a witch ?

romeo: i mean my dad's parents were both wiccan and they raised him that way

romeo: my real dad lmao not alvin

romeo: but my mom was super christian so like they kinda integrated it together? to an extent

romeo: idk we had like rituals and stuff but my mom went church and we used crosses for certain prayers

romeo: i don't remember all the stuff and alvin wouldn't let me do most of it so im still trying to get back into it

toeshere: holy shit

toeshere: she's a witch

toeshere: i literally had no idea what

toeshere: does that make two adopted people in this chat tho ?

romeo: yeah, kind of!! im not legally adopted because they didn't wanna bother i guess

toeshere: eyy same

toeshere: except im not adopted because that would be real hard

toeshere: im pretty sure you have to be here legally to be adopted idk

beepbeeprichie: wait

beepbeeprichie: im so confused wait what

beepbeeprichie: richie are you implying that you're an illegal immigrant

toeshere: illegally immigrating into your mom

toeshere: also yeah

absolutevalue: wait hang on

absolutevalue: i didn't know that 

toeshere: i don't tell you everything stan aksnskkske

absolutevalue: well, i

absolutevalue: i knew that

absolutevalue: i just

absolutevalue: never mind

beepbeeprichie: awkwardddd

absolutevalue: shut up

juliet: WAIT

juliet: RICHIE

juliet: IS THAT WHY YOUR VOICE ALWAYS SOUNDS SO FUCKING WEIRD WHEN YOU WAKE UP. DO YOU HAVE AN ACCENT

toeshere: i do!!! but i was not aware it came out in the morning aksjskske ??

toeshere: also ur on my lap why r u texting me

juliet: true true

juliet: say something with ur accent rn

romeo: do u have an accent kink billy

juliet: ew shut up

juliet: oh nvm maybe

romeo: KANSKSKSKEK

absolutevalue: oh my god

beepbeeprichie: i can't with you guys jfc

beepbeeprichie: what's the accent sound like tho

juliet: it's so,,,,, long

juliet: that doesn't make sense but it's like. it's so smooth. richie ur accent is so nice

toeshere: thank u uwu

toeshere: wait a minute billy stop moving i wanna say something else

beepbeeprichie: ominous

juliet: KANSMW

juliet: g u y s

juliet: guys my heart just deadass stopped wha

toeshere: ammswjwnmeke that was literally just "i have an accent"

juliet: smsndnmsks

juliet: he speak lamguage

absolutevalue: wait, what language?

juliet: uhh

juliet: sexy?

romeo: bill im fucking losing it WHAT jsndkdkedk

juliet: ok well sorry i can't identify languages ive never heard

toeshere: it's russian but thank you for the compliment

beepbeeprichie: you speak russian?

absolutevalue: you're russian?

toeshere: i mean im ukranian but i speak russian yes

beepbeeprichie: i. kind of want to hear it

toeshere: bill just straight up wants me to drop the american accent altogether

juliet: i won't lie you are correct

romeo: is this character development or character devolvement

juliet: awful bold of you to assume i could get worse

absolutevalue: bill we talked about this

absolutevalue: no self deprecating jokes before 5pm

juliet: f i n e

absolutevalue: (:

juliet: :D

**winkwonk >> romeo**

**1.15 pm**

winkwonk: can you come pick me up?

romeo: i

romeo: like, now?

winkwonk: idk

winkwonk: whenever you get the time

romeo: i

romeo: i mean yeah. sure. i can come pick you up

winkwonk: thanks bev

romeo: no problemo

romeo: i'll be there by tmrw night

**420baby >> 10fingers**

**2.17 pm**

420baby: hey r u like. alive or whatever

10fingers: uh,,, i think so?

420baby: cool cool

420baby: haven't seen you since uhhh

420baby: a while i think?

10fingers: we saw each other last night?

420baby: oh

420baby: i don't remember last night very well lmao

420baby: u were gone, right ? i thought i heard u leave

10fingers: was gone for what

10fingers: i slept over at troy's so i was gone last night yeah

420baby: rad

10fingers: thomas. what the fuck happened

420baby: dad b like that

10fingers: hm

10fingers: that's not very rad sounding

420baby: eh it's fine or w/e

420baby: anyway there's no way in hell im going back to that house and this is ur official warning that if u do i'll kick ur ass

420baby: like. i know we're not close and shit. but if you get hurt. i'll kill you

420baby: jon gave me these super strong painkillers and im high as SHIT lmao

420baby: but yeah we are officially out and im not giving u a choice in that

10fingers: i,,, ok?

10fingers: look. tom. i appreciate the concern.

10fingers: but i do not have,,,,,,, anywhere to go

420baby: come to the perkins house

420baby: we'll figure it out but im deadass this time

10fingers: i

10fingers: fine. ok

10fingers: be there soon

420baby: yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

10fingers: fuckin sober up jfc

**10fingers >> trojanhorse**

**2.27 pm**

10fingers: can i stop by real quick i forgot my jacket

trojanhorse: yeah ofc

trojanhorse: took me a while to figure out u left lol

trojanhorse: u woke up weirdly early

10fingers: u literally woke up before me ?

trojanhorse: i literally always do ?

10fingers: well

10fingers: shut up

trojanhorse: make me

trojanhorse: also why does ur jacket have a DH on the collar

trojanhorse: r those ur initials??

10fingers: im gonna give u like five seconds to think about that question

trojanhorse: i am so stupid

trojanhorse: hey wait . hey wait ive seen this jacket before

10fingers: just leave it on the porch troy jfc

trojanhorse: i stg i sat behind this jacket thru all of art class last year

trojanhorse: holy shit is this dustin henderson's jacket

trojanhorse: there has to be a story here

10fingers: troy. with all due respect. which is none. shut the fuck up

trojanhorse: i. ok?

trojanhorse: it’s on the steps?

**i got a big stick >> mickeymouse**

**2.41 pm**

i got a big stick: dude where are you

mickeymouse: ??

i got a big stick: we’re going to the lake? movie night? i told you this morning?

mickeymouse: oh shit

mickeymouse: oh shit oh fuck

mickeymouse: i forgot i’m so sorry skhfkdshf i’m coming

i got a big stick: aight

i got big stick: u better hurry ur froggy ass along, babe

**mickeymouse >> batman**

**2.43 pm**

mickeymouse: oh no gay panic

mickeymouse: oh shit wrong person

batman: why do people always accidentally text me with their gay panic

batman: how do i attract this

mickeymouse: probably because batman is gay

batman: i,, fuckin,,, fair enough

batman: anyway, your gay panic

mickeymouse: oh right

mickeymouse: uhhhh legally i cannot elaborate

batman: mhm

mickeymouse: who types mhm in text

batman: i made you bacon show me some goddamn respect

mickeymouse: is that a threat

batman: maybe so

batman: what did will do

mickeymouse: akfksdfSDGKDFGK

mickeymouse: am i that obvious

batman: you laid on him for three hours michael

mickeymouse: ...ok yeah that’s fair

mickeymouse: what does it mean when a boy calls u babe

batman: normally something gay

batman: call him something cute back

mickeymouse: i can’t be cute i’m way too cheesy about it

batman: ???

batman: you have a crush on the most cheesy ass motherfucker in indiana

batman: literally pull out the gayest most domestic shit you can

batman: he cried over the wedding in crazy rich asians like he loves that soft shit

mickeymouse: ok but if he kicks me out i’m taking ur car

batman: you’re so dramatic

batman: if he kicks you out of his room then you can have mine and i’ll take the couch

batman: but that’s not gonna happen so calm the fuck down and go be gay you insolent twelvie

mickeymouse: what did you just call me

batman: michael go be a homosexual or i’ll hit you with my dish towel

mickeymouse: ok FINE

**mickeymouse >> i got a big stick**

**2.56 pm**

mickeymouse: hey where are we meeting

i got a big stick: i told you this morning why do you not listen to me

mickeymouse: i was sleepy )):

i got a big stick: sigh

i got a big stick: we’re meeting at dustin’s

mickeymouse: ok

mickeymouse: thx honey see u soon

**i got a big stick >> batman**

**3.01 pm**

i got a big stick: AH

batman: oh no he’s gay

i got a big stick: shut the FUCK up michael wheeler just called me honey im dying )):

batman: oh no he’s GAY gay

i got a big stick: why do i talk to you

batman: (:

batman: marry him

i got a big stick: fucking bet

**batman >> sharpshooter**

**3.07 pm**

batman: so since you’re going to be maid of honor and i’m gonna be best man then we get dj rights, right?

sharpshooter: yes that’s the law

sharpshooter: have you set a date

batman: yes who do you take me for

sharpshooter: just checking, you unorganised fuck

batman: i’m unorganised? our entire closet is on my bedroom floor because of you

sharpshooter: well,, yes

sharpshooter: shut the fuck up

sharpshooter: i’ll make a playlist of songs for the wedding

batman: hell yes

batman: include africa by toto

sharpshooter: are you allowed to play that at a wedding

batman: no but it’ll be funny

sharpshooter: fair enough! on it goes

**lorde >> mrlobster**

**3.05 pm**

lorde: hey, have you seen syd?

mrlobster: uhh no i haven’t seen her in days

mrlobster: i figured she was with you

lorde: oh

lorde: no, i thought she was with you

mrlobster: ...hm.

lorde: she’s supposed to come see me but she hasn’t and i’m kind of freaking out

lorde: she hasn’t been at home

lorde: and she won’t answer my questions

mrlobster: i know she and her mom had a fight? but that was days ago

lorde: huh…

lorde: how have you been, stan?

mrlobster: me?

mrlobster: oh yeah i’ve been ok

lorde: has your dad left you alone?

mrlobster: not really lmao

lorde: oh

lorde: hey

lorde: come over

mrlobster: like.. to your house?

lorde: yeah, come on! it’ll be fun!

lorde: we haven’t really hung out as the two of us

mrlobster: yeah

mrlobster: yeah, totally! i’m omw!

lorde: heck yeah!

**romeo >> juliet**

**3.20 pm**

juliet: fuck fuck fuck

juliet: im so stupid

juliet: im so fucking stupid

romeo: what

romeo: calm down billy

juliet: no!! no calm down!!

romeo: breathe

romeo: what happened?

juliet: i kissed him

romeo: you what

juliet: i kissed him beverly can you read

juliet: i just fucking kissed richie

romeo: BILL

juliet: IT WAS ON IMPULSE

romeo: i thought you liked stan??

juliet: i do

juliet: i like him so bad

juliet: but i just,,,,,,,, rich

juliet: like we were in his room and he was talking about some song he was writing or whatever and he was messing with his shoelaces like he does when he’s nervous and got his fingers stuck by accident and we were laughing and he just looked so fucking pretty and i just kind of realised that like. holy fuck this is like the most important person in my life. like i could not live without him. and i fucking. i think im in love with him

romeo: wow

romeo: and then you kissed him

juliet: and then i kissed him

juliet: and then i jumped out his window before he could say anything and fucking booked it

romeo: holy shit, denbrough

juliet: i know

juliet: i just

juliet: i don’t know what to do now

romeo: has he texted you or anything?

**toeshere >> romeo**

**3.26 pm**

toeshere: have you heard off billy today

**romeo >> juliet**

**3.26 pm**

romeo: nvm

romeo: should i tell him i’ve seen you?

juliet: if you do i’ll kill you

juliet: please he’s. he can get violent when he’s pissed?

romeo: yeah i know

romeo: it's gonna be ok

**romeo >> toeshere**

**3.27 pm**

romeo: depends on why you’re asking

toeshere: bev seriously

toeshere: this isn’t a joke

romeo: he told me what happened

toeshere: shit

romeo: i swear to god, tozier, you hurt one fucking hair on that boy’s head, and there won’t be any of you left

toeshere: i’m ?? huh??

toeshere: what ??

toeshere: i just need to find him

toeshere: i need to know what just happened

romeo: you were there

toeshere: yeah i fucking know

toeshere: but i don’t know if he meant it or if it was a joke or if i reacted weird ??

romeo: why’s it matter

toeshere: it matters to me

toeshere: i’m not gonna try and snatch ur man but he’s my best friend and i need to know

**romeo >> juliet**

**3.32 pm**

romeo: [screenshot.png]

juliet: fuck

juliet: ok uh

juliet: fine tell him i’m at the quarry

romeo: you sure?

juliet: yeah

**the losers club**

**4.17 pm**

toeshere: do i get to say it you said i could say it i wanna say it

absolutevalue: what?

juliet: yeah sure you can say it

toeshere: thanks babe <3

toeshere: guess who snagged the cutest ginger in derry

romeo: first of all i’m taking personal offence

toeshere: u bully me

romeo: u deserve it

romeo: but awwwwww

beepbeeprichie: wait what’s going on

coolguy: i was gonna be like “yeah what’s going on” but then i saw you guys through the car window

toeshere: oops

coolguy: mike says leave room for jesus

toeshere: im jewish i can be as gay as i like

romeo: how gay are they being

coolguy: bill is stronger than i thought

juliet: not really richie’s just a twink

toeshere: we’re breaking up

juliet: tragic

toeshere: haha i got a kiss

romeo: gayyyyyyy

beepbeeprichie: what the fuck??

beepbeeprichie: what the fuck, you guys. what the FUCK

coolguy: hey calm down

beepbeeprichie: calm down? what the fuck??

beepbeeprichie: they’re fucking,,, the fuck. the FUCK. how is this fair

toeshere: eds what the fuck

beepbeeprichie: you’re saying that to me?

toeshere: why can’t you just be happy for us?

beepbeeprichie: because

beepbeeprichie: i

beepbeeprichie: fuck

absolutevalue: what about bev?

beepbeeprichie: yeah!! what about bev?

romeo: what about me?

juliet: beverly

romeo: shit right right

romeo: yeah we’re not actually dating

absolutevalue: … what

juliet: my parents were being suspicious of me

romeo: i volunteered

juliet: we literally just held hands like i never even kissed her cheek i don’t know how everyone fell for it

absolutevalue: because you’re our friend and we trusted you?

juliet: wow. ok.

absolutevalue: what, i can't speak the truth?

juliet: that’s not fair

beepbeeprichie: that is fair

beepbeeprichie: you fucking deserve that

toeshere: back the fuck off

toeshere: he doesn’t have to tell you anything he doesn’t fucking want to

toeshere: you’re not entitled to know shit

absolutevalue: i know

absolutevalue: i. yeah. i do know that

absolutevalue: i’m sorry, just… give me a minute.

juliet: it’s ok, stan

absolutevalue: i am happy for you guys, really

beepbeeprichie: ...i am too. i guess.

beepbeeprichie: sorry, fuck

beepbeeprichie: i am

beepbeeprichie: it was just a shock

**absolutevalue >> beepbeeprichie**

**4.32 pm**

absolutevalue: you’re feeling pretty shitty too?

beepbeeprichie: yeah

beepbeeprichie: so rich wasn’t straight and homophobic this whole time

absolutevalue: so bill wasn’t straight and dating a girl this whole time

beepbeeprichie: so we missed our chance

absolutevalue: yeah. we missed our chance.

absolutevalue: ... they are kind of perfect for each other, though

beepbeeprichie: i know

beepbeeprichie: it’s… cute

beepbeeprichie: at least they’re happy

beepbeeprichie: and hey maybe im not just pining for richie maybe i just really want a boyfriend that’s tall enough to put his chin on his head and will cook for me

absolutevalue: i just want a boyfriend that will watch my documentaries with me without complaining and hold my hand for no reason

beepbeeprichie: that’s cute

absolutevalue: thanks

beepbeeprichie: yeah

beepbeeprichie: love you, stan

absolutevalue: yeah, love you too, eddie

**trojanhorse >> 10fingers**

**5.06 pm**

trojanhorse: u left ur earbuds

10fingers: oh cool

trojanhorse: i can bring them to you

10fingers: it’s ok

trojanhorse: but what if u want to listen to music tonight and u can’t bc u don’t have ur earbuds and then u cry

10fingers: pretty sure i wouldn’t cry over that

trojanhorse: but what if u have a rlly awful nightmare and u were gonna cry anyway but u can’t find ur earbuds and then it just feels like nothing is right with the world and everything is falling apart and u don’t even have ur earbuds and everything is terrible and u wanna die and u have a breakdown and fall down the stairs and break ur leg and get taken out of track and we don’t have any classes together and u get into art and become an art kid that doesn’t spend time with jocks and i never see u again and it all could have been avoided if u had ur earbuds

10fingers: first of all

10fingers: what the FUCK

10fingers: do you need to talk to someone?

trojanhorse: pls just let me bring u ur earbuds

10fingers: ok??? fine??

trojanhorse: yay ty

10fingers: you're so weird

**chimken nunget**

**5.22 pm**

toeshere: got a boyfriend today

kryptonite: i’m a boy friend today

kryptonite: i’m funny

kryptonite: anyway what’s his name

toeshere: you are funny i laughed

toeshere: his name’s bill

i got a big stick: i have multiple questions

toeshere: how many is multiple

i got a big stick: more than one

riptide: jane is a boy?

kryptonite: that is the vibes of today

i got a big stick: “that is the vibes of today”

i got a big stick: big mood, valid, i support you

i got a big stick: what’s your boyfriend’s number richard

toeshere: what

i got a big stick: nvm i found it

toeshere: WHAT

_i got a big stick has added juliet to the chat_

i got a big stick: hey!

juliet: hi?

toeshere: im?

toeshere: hi babe? welcome to hell

juliet: what

juliet: oh is this the mike chat

toeshere: yes

juliet: cool! let me out

mickeymouse: what did i do to deserve this

i got a big stick: you tried to eat an uno card last night

mickeymouse: bill wasn’t there for that

sharpshooter: i’m sorry he what

mickeymouse: don’t think about it

sharpshooter: michael i’m going to kill you

mickeymouse: please do

i got a big stick: NO

annoyinggoose: NO

kryptonite: NO

lululemon: NO

riptide: NO

batman: no

mickeymouse: thanks for the enthusiasm, jonathon

batman: jump off a roof, michael

mickeymouse: only if you do it with me

batman: this bitch thinks i won’t

i got a big stick: g u y s n o

juliet: can i come

mickeymouse: yeah sure why not

toeshere: babe no

juliet: don’t call me babe after you tried to eat my shoelaces

toeshere: it was a DARE

juliet: that didn’t mean you had to DO IT

ihatethesun: bill. william?

juliet: that is me

ihatethesun: [isthisyou.png]

juliet: that… is me, yes

juliet: that’s me about two minutes ago

juliet: who are you

ihatethesun: excellent!

ihatethesun: just checking that you are hot enough for my favorite sibling

toeshere: oh he’s super hot

mickeymouse: HEY

lululemon: boris openly saying mike is his least favorite even after richie eats shoelaces is absolutely MY favourite thing

riptide: he’s laughing

riptide: [dumbassfallingoffthebed.vid]

mickeymouse: it’s not that funny

riptide: if it’s funny enough to make my boyfriend stop making out with me to laugh? it’s that funny

annoyinggoose: wait a sec

riptide: oh oops gotta blast

kryptonite: WAIT A SEC

lululemon: would you look at that i actually also have to blast bye bye

mickeymouse: ...oh my god

**the losers club**

**5.34 pm**

juliet: so how's everyone doing

juliet: who the fuck is boris

beepbeeprichie: what?

toeshere: about that

absolutevalue: oh, boris! how is he?

juliet: he seems alright?

juliet: he somehow has a picture of me

absolutevalue: yeah, sorry, i sent him that

toeshere: you… text boris?

absolutevalue: i mean, not often

absolutevalue: but sometimes

absolutevalue: i ask about theo, he asks about you

toeshere: that's wack

thankunext: why are there so many people i've never heard of coming up recently

toeshere: honestly? could not tell you

juliet: WHO THE FUCK IS BORIS

absolutevalue: he's the other one

beepbeeprichie: the other WHAT

toeshere: the other me

thankunext: another one??

beepbeeprichie: how many are there???

toeshere: just the three!!

coolguy: “just the three”

coolguy: like two days ago there was one

coolguy: i am so confused

thankunext: need a hug?

coolguy: definitely

romeo: there are…. three….

beepbeeprichie: i cannot fucking believe you

toeshere: look it’s not. a very fun story, ok

toeshere: i don’t really like talking about it

beepbeeprichie: im your best friend!

toeshere: of course you are!

toeshere: you always will be, but i still don’t really like talking about it

beepbeeprichie: ...ok. yeah. that’s fair

beepbeeprichie: why’s his name boris?

toeshere: is now a good time to mention that my first name is innokenti

beepbeeprichie: OH SURE NOW IS A GREAT TIME

juliet: WHAT

absolutevalue: that. i did not know. interesting.

coolguy: that’s cool!

romeo: cool?

coolguy: yeah! it’s like he has a secret identity. like a superhero!

toeshere: ben, you’re my favorite

coolguy: (:

juliet: h e y

toeshere: sorry babe

juliet: … it’s understandable, i too love ben

thankunext: ben is pretty great

**toeshere >> thankunext**

**5.46 pm**

toeshere: i just almost made a joke but then i had a thought

toeshere: very weird i know

toeshere: but i realised that i’ve never actually heard you say it and i just assumed and i really don’t want a repeat of the whole bev thing and anyway are you dating ben

thankunext: you… assumed?

toeshere: i mean yeah it just seemed like it

toeshere: since you’re always touching and disappearing together and sometimes you both just drop out of groupchat for like twenty minutes before showing back up with no warning and no explanation and idk just seemed very coupley

toeshere: but i’m starting to see how i might have been reading things wrong

thankunext: no

thankunext: i mean, you weren’t

thankunext: we are

thankunext: dating, i mean

toeshere: is that public knowledge or

thankunext: you weren’t supposed to know

toeshere: …

toeshere: so is it public knowledge or

thankunext: richie, if we didn’t tell you, we haven’t told anyone else

toeshere: aw that’s cute

toeshere: ok

thankunext: ??

toeshere: hey u and ben and bill and i should go on a double date sometime

thankunext: yeah! that would be fun!

thankunext: i’m still reeling a little bit give me a sec

toeshere: sure thing sure thing im gonna go shag my boy seeya

thankunext: hm

thankunext: im not going to say same

toeshere: im absolutely going to take that as you saying same

thankunext: of course you will

**chimken nunget**

**5.57 pm**

prettyboy: what the actual fuck is going on

batman: sh go back to sleep

prettyboy: i will as soon as nancy gets off me

sharpshooter: im COLD

prettyboy: go lay on jonathon i already have three people cuddling me

sharpshooter: well jonathon fuckin vanished

batman: yeah sorry james and troy were trying to bleach their hair and i decided to Stop That

annoyinggoose: kinda iconic

batman: im not very good at stopping teens from doing things

batman: anyway troy’s new look is cool

annoyinggoose: omfg

mickeymouse: oh my fucking god

juliet: richie is eating my shoelaces again

kryptonite: richie i’m going to kill you

i got a big stick: oh shit you pissed jane off

toeshere: what’s he gonna do from indiana

kryptonite: i have contacts

toeshere: who are your contacts

toeshere: jane who are your contacts

i got a big stick: i just heard him leave the house ksdhfkwefnkw

toeshere: JANE

kryptonite: hush

juliet: i hope his contact just fucking ends you

toeshere: thanks babe

toeshere: romance isn’t dead after all

**batman >> sharpshooter**

**6.03 pm**

batman: just got called dad by my brother’s middle school bully

sharpshooter: kinda iconic

sharpshooter: dad in a dad way or a daddy way

batman: i hate you what the fuck

batman: dad way

sharpshooter: love that

sharpshooter: did you actually bleach his hair?

batman: dyed it. it’s pink now

sharpshooter: nice!! come cuddle me

batman: doth the queen demand me?

sharpshooter: come cuddle me fucker

batman: ok ok ok ok ok ok i’ll be there in a second

**coffee is better fuck you barbara**

**6.11 pm**

bigdickenergy: i be like barb don’t jump in the pool

lesbianhoratio: i be like i am going to jump in the pool

bigdickenergy: i be like carol don’t jump in the pool

lesbianhoratio: carol be like i am going to jump in the pool

sharpshooter: i be like what the fuck

sharpshooter: i be like jon is the only friend i care about

lesbianhoratio: wow

bigdickenergy: that’s fair

bigdickenergy: i went inside for a drink and i swear to god when i came back out carol and barb had switched shirts

lesbianhoratio: but you’ll never know, will you?

batman: she’s so mysterious

batman: also all of you shut the fuck up i’m tired and i want to sleep

bigdickenergy: it’s like 6

sharpshooter: jon goes to bed at like 4 usually

lesbianhoratio: im sorry what

sharpshooter: he goes to bed at like 4 and then wakes up at 7 and makes dinner and then goes back to bed at 10 and then wakes up at 3 and then goes back to sleep at 5:30 and then wakes up at 6 and makes breakfast

sharpshooter: every fucking day

sharpshooter: except for when i stay over and i know for a fact that he doesn’t sleep for the extra thirty minutes because i don’t let him back in bed

batman: it’s true she just kicks me onto the floor

lesbianhoratio: understandable

prettyboy: that… cannot be healthy

bigdickenergy: steve you go to bed at 2 in the morning and wake up at 5 on average unless i make you take melatonin don’t you fucking start

prettyboy: why do you have my sleep schedule memorised

bigdickenergy: shh

bigdickenergy: go cuddle tommy

prettyboy: freak

bigdickenergy: that’s why you love me <3

**lesbianhoratio >> bigdickenergy**

**6.29 pm**

lesbianhoratio: are we going to talk about your crush on me

bigdickenergy: maybe later

bigdickenergy: are we gonna talk about how carol definitely wants to make out with me

lesbianhoratio: maybe after you admit you made out with carol earlier

bigdickenergy: maybe later

bigdickenergy: wanna watch the shining

lesbianhoratio: only if you give me your sweatshirt

bigdickenergy: so high maintenance

lesbianhoratio: don't you know it, luv

bigdickenergy: *misspells it to hide that you're in love with me*

lesbianhoratio: *overtalks about my crush on you to cope with your crush on me and the weird guilt of making out with a taken girl that bullied you in middle school*

bigdickenergy: ok that one hit way too deep

bigdickenergy: come sit on my lap

lesbianhoratio: ok <3

bigdickenergy: <3

**therapy**

**6.45 pm**

annoyinggoose: hey max

riptide: why did you say hi to me in a groupchat

annoyinggoose: i can literally see them all sleeping around me

annoyinggoose: i want them to feel made fun of later

riptide: that's sexy

annoyinggoose: i also noticed that steve is wearing none of his own clothes

annoyinggoose: jonathon and nancy's communal closet is spreading

riptide: what's he wearing though

annoyinggoose: jonathon's sweatpants and nancy's weird sears crop top and that weird tie dyed beanie robin wears to horseback riding

riptide: oh now that is a LOOK

riptide: love that

riptide: lucas is wearing your sweatpants and my sweatshirt but they’re our track stuff so they match and im kind of cackling

annoyinggoose: ICONIC

annoyinggoose: lov that man

annoyinggoose: can't believe you didn't tell me about your sexy clandestine relationship

riptide: first of all don't call it that

riptide: second of all we were just. you know. gonna test it

riptide: and then testing it went really fucking well

annoyinggoose: i mean yeah it's obviously gonna go better when you both want it to

annoyinggoose: i'm happy for y'all (:

riptide: thx dusty (:

riptide: wait why are you watching them sleep

riptide: dustin?

riptide: loser ):

**chimken nunget**

**7.03 pm**

sharpshooter: fuckin told you

batman: shut up i have a Routine

prettyboy: you have the worst routine in the history of mankind

batman: shush

prettyboy: housewife

batman: shush

sharpshooter: he's my housewife :)

batman: i want a divorce

sharpshooter: whatever did i do to you??? what did i deprive you of???

batman: sex

sharpshooter: you're ace??????

batman: ok then maybe i just don't love you

sharpshooter: yeah alright that tracks

juliet: im kind of losing it except richie and stanley had almost that exact conversation earlier

toeshere: how was i meant to know he didn't like being called a housemaid

juliet: hm i wonder

kryptonite: please tell stanley i love him

juliet: yes of course

juliet: he says “huh? what? oh. yeah, he’s cooler than you guys.”

juliet: i think that means he loves you too in stanguage

kryptonite: yayyy

toeshere: i would be mad but yeah no jane is definitely cooler than us

mickeymouse: as his ex boyfriend im qualified to say he’s the fucking coolest

kryptonite: you’re a much cooler ex boyfriend than real boyfriend

mickeymouse: yeah you right

i got a big stick: ...i love you guys wtf

kryptonite: we love you too, william

i got a big stick: why did you call me william

i got a big stick: i feel threatened

kryptonite: :)

**kryptonite >> annoyinggoose**

**7.07 pm**

kryptonite: is it kind of gay if i want to hold your hand

annoyinggoose: what

annoyinggoose: i mean yes it’s a little gay . testin’ that line

annoyinggoose: but what

kryptonite: i was just wondering

annoyinggoose: ok

annoyinggoose: you can come hold my hand if you want

kryptonite: hmm

kryptonite: yes, i think i will

kryptonite: please inform james that i intend to trash his living room

annoyinggoose: he says to bring your softball bat

kryptonite: anything for my least favourite asshole

annoyinggoose: sexy

kryptonite: sexy indeed

kryptonite: hope your hands are ready for all this sexy dumbass

annoyinggoose: "all this" you're like 5'1

kryptonite: im 5'3 and a HALF

annoyinggoose: oh sorry my mistake good sir

annoyinggoose: and yes my hands are ready come hold them

kryptonite: on my way <3

**chimken nunget**

**7.11 pm**

ihatethesun: is it gay to suck your friends dick

riptide: did you suck your friends dick boris

ihatethesun: no but i was thinking about it

riptide: not gay unless you take your socks off

mickeymouse: It's Science!

**the gang**

**7.15 pm**

ihatethesun: i will suck theo's dick

sweaterweather: what

pizzamilkshake: oh sexy

sweaterweather: what

ihatethesun: thank you

ihatethesun: dont worry theo if you keep your socks on there is no gay

pizzamilkshake: yeah theo don't be stupid

sweaterweather: i

sweaterweather: ok????

**lorde >> mrlobster**

**7.30 pm**

lorde: heyyyy stanley

mrlobster: heyyyy dina

lorde: i know you left like twoooooo minutes ago

lorde: but

lorde: BUT

mrlobster: but?

lorde: ...i miss you

mrlobster: oh

mrlobster: oh!

mrlobster: oh :)

mrlobster: ok im omw

lorde: yayyyyy

lorde: can i paint your nails?

mrlobster: only if i can paint yours

lorde: oh this is so exciting

lorde: hurry back i am hug deprived

mrlobster: worry not i shall fix this grave mistake

lorde: ily!!!

mrlobster: ilyt!!!

**mrlobster >> winkwonk**

**8.05 pm**

mrlobster: hey i had assumed you were with dina or something but you're not and im kind of really concerned but not really kind of im just really concerned and anyway if you can please text me back thank you

winkwonk: shit, stan

winkwonk: im ok

winkwonk: im very safe, i promise

mrlobster: ok.. if you promise

mrlobster: i trust you but i also love you and that makes me really anxious sometimes because it's very easy to be very concerned about you

winkwonk: i love you too

winkwonk: and i promise

winkwonk: im gonna stop by dina's in a minute

mrlobster: oh im at dina's!!!!

mrlobster: should i leave?

winkwonk: what no

winkwonk: ofc not, i wanna see you

mrlobster: oh

mrlobster: oh!!

mrlobster: ok! i'll see you in a minute, then!

**juliet >> romeo**

**8.17 pm**

juliet: oh god i am so in love

romeo: aww

juliet: no not aw

juliet: i mean yes aw because richie and i are precious

juliet: but not aw because stan is staying the night and oh god i should not be so in love with seeing richie carry him around

juliet: he put his face?? in rich's shoulder?? and hid there?? and rich spun him around?? and just held him for a bit?? it was so cute?? what the fuck?? what the fuck????

romeo: i

romeo: oh you poor boy

romeo: you are so far gone

juliet: yeah yeah i know

juliet: i love them so fucking much bevvy

romeo: i know )):

romeo: you're uh. you're gonna mention this to richie, right

juliet: yes

juliet: absolutely

juliet: probably

juliet: eventually

romeo: b i l l

juliet: how the fuck do i bring that up like hey boyfriend im in love with my best friend whats sexy, hanging

juliet: *what's hanging, sexy

romeo: WHAT'S SEXY, HANGING

juliet: shut UP

romeo: you love me <3

juliet: shut the fuck UP

juliet: love you

romeo: love you too

**trojanhorse >> annoyinggoose**

**8.36 pm**

trojanhorse: you like toast?

annoyinggoose: excuse me

trojanhorse: it's a conversation starter

trojanhorse: you're making toast

annoyinggoose: yeah but you're five feet away why did you text me "you like toast?"

annoyinggoose: how did you even get my number

trojanhorse: i got it off james's phone oof

trojanhorse: figured you might have an aggressive pavolvian resposne to my voice so i texted you instead you know

annoyinggoose: i. i guess i know now

annoyinggoose: how did you spell pavlovian right but response wrong

trojanhorse: sex appeal?

annoyinggoose: i am going to block you

trojanhorse: ok not morosexual got it

annoyinggoose: im not THAT narcissistic

trojanhorse: lmao

annoyinggoose: "lmao" im five feet away i know full well you just huffed out of your nose

trojanhorse: yeah well

trojanhorse: sex appeal

annoyinggoose: your sex appeal is like 2 maybe

trojanhorse: OK FAIR

annoyinggoose: why did THAT make you laugh

trojanhorse: that was actually FUNNY

annoyinggoose: im always funny dickhead

annoyinggoose: go suck some toes

trojanhorse: has a foot fetish, got it

annoyinggoose: blocking you

annoyinggoose: whore

trojanhorse: i have a degradation kink

annoyinggoose: WHAT

trojanhorse: im fucking KIDDING don't throw BUTTER at me

annoyinggoose: use it as lube you stupid moron fetishing masochist

annoyinggoose: stop laughing

annoyinggoose: s to p

trojanhorse: YOU CAN'T SAY TJAT AND EXPECT ME NOT TO LAUG H

annoyinggoose: YES I CAN YOU FUCJING WEIRDO

trojanhorse: HOW AM I THE WEIRDO YOU TJREW BUTTER AT ME

annoyinggoose: YOU'RE A GODDAMN CHEESE FINGERED NICKI MINAJ LOVING KINK STAN

trojanhorse: kiNKSTAN????

trojanhorse: im a kInKsTaN?????

annoyinggoose: kinkster same thing

trojanhorse: i STAN toesuckers

annoyinggoose: The Return Of The Butter: A Whole Stick This Time

trojanhorse: WAIT NO

trojanhorse: fuck you

trojanhorse: gonna go jump in the pool

annoyinggoose: i hope you drown

trojanhorse: i have a kink for that

annoyinggoose: there's more butter in the fridge you know

trojanhorse: ok ok drowning

annoyinggoose: good boy

annoyinggoose: don't you fucking dare say it

trojanhorse: you walked dead into that one but i will be honorable

annoyinggoose: d. did you just cross yourself.

annoyinggoose: th. that. troy. no.

annoyinggoose: stop dabbing

annoyinggoose: goddammit

**kryptonite >> riptide**

**9.05 pm**

kryptonite: dustin is so cute

riptide: aw

kryptonite: i mean i know he's hanging out with troy and that shouldn't be cute at all but they're fucking PLAYING like WHAT

riptide: send pics right fucking now omg

kryptonite: [dumbassboys.png]

kryptonite: [dustinfalling.png]

kryptonite: [whataretheydoing.png]

kryptonite: [imgonnamarryhim.png]

riptide: aww

riptide: oh he looks so happy

kryptonite: ikr

riptide: i love him

kryptonite: god, don't we all

kryptonite: i love you too, you know

riptide: yeah, i know

riptide: i love you <3

**absolutevalue >> beepbeeprichie**

**9.17 pm**

absolutevalue: stop wallowing

beepbeeprichie: i’m not wallowing

absolutevalue: oh?

beepbeeprichie: i’m not! i’m doing homework

absolutevalue: what homework?

beepbeeprichie: physics! you can’t wallow doing physics!

absolutevalue: no, you can’t, you’re right

absolutevalue: but i’m in your physics class and we didn’t have any homework tonight

absolutevalue: which brings me back to the point

absolutevalue: stop wallowing

beepbeeprichie: ok ok fine

beepbeeprichie: i’m going to pout about how mean you are, though

absolutevalue: i can live with that

beepbeeprichie: what are you doing, oh mighty one?

absolutevalue: baking and watching a documentary

beepbeeprichie: oh, should i leave you alone?

absolutevalue: no, it’s ok. it’s nice talking to you.

beepbeeprichie: aw

beepbeeprichie: what’s your documentary on?

absolutevalue: oh, uh

absolutevalue: birds in africa. like how they’re different from other continents and why they’ve adapted to the environment the way they have and that sort of thing.

beepbeeprichie: oh, that’s kind of cool

absolutevalue: i think so

absolutevalue: mom and i are making brownies

beepbeeprichie: the cool kind?

absolutevalue: yes, the cool peanut butter caramel kind

beepbeeprichie: please savor them for me

absolutevalue: will do

absolutevalue: but you could also come over, if you wanted

beepbeeprichie: you mean it?

absolutevalue: yeah, of course

absolutevalue: mom just asked who i’m texting and i said i was inviting you over and she says if you don’t at least try to come she’s never making you almond milk milkshakes again

beepbeeprichie: i’d love to come over, stanley

beepbeeprichie: i’ll be there asap

absolutevalue: can’t wait (:

beepbeeprichie: (:

**mickeymouse >> lululemon**

**9.28 pm**

mickeymouse: god i am so gone for him aren’t i

lululemon: head over heels

lululemon: absolutely hopeless

lululemon: you passed the point of no return in like sixth grade

mickeymouse: ok but

mickeymouse: hear me out: i love him

lululemon: we know, mikey

lululemon: trust me, we know

mickeymouse: how does everyone know except him

mickeymouse: oh god what if he does know

mickeymouse: oh god what if he secretly hates me

lululemon: wh

lululemon: mike you sleep in his room

mickeymouse: maybe it’s just pity

lululemon: that reminds me

lululemon: a couple days ago? talking about the byers?

mickeymouse: hm?

lululemon: you said you were there because “jonathan felt bad about the divorce”

mickeymouse: did i?

mickeymouse: inch resting

mickeymouse: gtg will is calling me to bed

lululemon: m i k e

mickeymouse: can we talk about this at literally any time that isn’t right now

lululemon: ok fine

lululemon: but please actually talk to me

mickeymouse: yeah yeah i promise

mickeymouse: i love you, lukey

lululemon: ew don’t call me that

mickeymouse: (-:

lululemon: yeah yeah love you too

**chimken nunget**

**9.41 pm**

i got a big stick: does mom realise how full our house is

i got a big stick: has that registered in her head

i got a big stick: mother. mother are you sure you want our cousins to come over

i got a big stick: are you s u r e

batman: wait what

i got a big stick: our cousins are coming to visit

batman: oh man

batman: good cousins or bad cousins?

i got a big stick: both

batman: both??

i got a big stick: there’s a family reunion thing in bloomington and they’re staying with us instead of in a hotel apparently because that makes sense

i got a big stick: hey mike you excited to meet my cousins

mickeymouse: you know, i really never thought about the fact that you have cousins until right now

mickeymouse: i will admit, i’m intrigued

i got a big stick: intrigued works

i got a big stick: they’re, uh… interesting

batman: fucking hell

i got a big stick: fucking hell indeed

**absolutevalue >> coolguy**

**10.12 pm**

absolutevalue: are you up?

coolguy: yep

coolguy: what’s up?

absolutevalue: this might sound super dumb

absolutevalue: but i really need some advice

coolguy: is this about your crush getting together with your best friend?

absolutevalue: what? no

absolutevalue: ok yes, it started off about that, but now i have a bigger problem

absolutevalue: wait, how did you know i liked bill?

coolguy: uh gonna be honest, i didn’t until right now

coolguy: but, uh… mike and bev and bill and i have all thought you had a crush on richie for. a while

absolutevalue: what?

coolguy: sorry

absolutevalue: huh. interesting.

absolutevalue: no, i’m ok with bill and richie together

absolutevalue: it's a… different but tangentially related problem

coolguy: well, hit me with it!

absolutevalue: eddie said he loves me and i panicked and kissed him

coolguy: i didn’t expect you to hit me that hard! 

absolutevalue: thanks, ben

coolguy: sorry sorry ok uh

coolguy: well, do you like him?

absolutevalue: at first i was like no! i like bill!

absolutevalue: god i hate admitting that

absolutevalue: but anyway, after he fell asleep i was like

absolutevalue: hey. i kind of. want to kiss him again? and then i thought about how my first instinct was to kiss him and how that… probably counts for something, right?

absolutevalue: and now i kind of want to wake him up and kiss him again but i don’t want to be mean so i have to wait until the morning but what if he doesn’t want to kiss me in the morning and i just got my only chance and he doesn’t actually love me and i’m going to get crushed again?

coolguy: stan, you’re overthinking

absolutevalue: right right

coolguy: breathe, ok? it’s ok

coolguy: eddie wouldn’t just do that, you know that! it’s eddie!

absolutevalue: ok, yeah, you’re right

coolguy: try and get some sleep, ok? it sounds dumb, but i promise if you let your brain rest, you’ll feel better in the morning

absolutevalue: alright. that actually... yeah, that does sound good.

absolutevalue: thanks, benny. i love you.

coolguy: of course! i love you too (:

**coolguy >> thankunext**

**10.22 pm**

coolguy: thank god our relationship isn’t complicated and dramatic

coolguy: i’m losing my mind

thankunext: what happened?

coolguy: stan and eddie? apparently?

thankunext: that’s kind of adorable

thankunext: but boy oh boy

thankunext: do you think richie still likes stan?

coolguy: mike. when we go to the movies as a group, richie watches stan the entire time

coolguy: pay attention sometime, it’s adorable

coolguy: he just stares at him with these heart eyes and anytime stan laughs his whole face lights up

coolguy: not sure how apparently no one notices

thankunext: why aren’t they all just dating

coolguy: probably no one’s ever brought it up to them

thankunext: ...you’re right...

coolguy: mike hanlon. what are you planning

**losers club**

**10.27 pm**

thankunext: y’all ever heard of polyamory

**coolguy >> thankunext**

**10.28 pm**

coolguy: MIKE

thankunext: WHAT

thankunext: maybe i’m just asking a general question

coolguy: “y’all ever heard of polyamory? not that this has to do with the raging crushes you’ve all been called out for, but just because, you know?”

thankunext: ben, we’re literally poly

coolguy: yeah, i know! but it’s not like we’re with someone else at the moment! and what, are you about to come out?

thankunext: i was thinking about it, actually

coolguy: oh

coolguy: well

thankunext: hey richie knows we’re dating did i mention that

coolguy: WHAT

**losers club**

**10.34 pm**

toeshere: i mean, yes? i don’t know anything about it

romeo: i mean, yes? i’m poly

juliet: why did you never tell me that

romeo: i mean i figured since we weren’t actually dating it didn’t matter

juliet: and here i thought i was your best friend

romeo: dumbass

romeo: i love you lots, best friend

juliet: yayyyyy

thankunext: i just thought it was an interesting concept

beepbeeprichie: what's polyamory?

romeo: it's like… dating more than one person. but not cheating

beepbeeprichie: uh

romeo: like everyone is informed and communicating and stuff

romeo: or like more than two people dating each other

beepbeeprichie: oh

beepbeeprichie: huh

beepbeeprichie: interesting

coolguy: hey eddie aren't you meant to be asleep

beepbeeprichie: woke up

beepbeeprichie: stanley kicked me

coolguy: aw ): anyway im poly

thankunext: as am i

coolguy: also we're dating, by the by

thankunext: we've been dating for eight months (:

romeo: that. wow. that's a long time!!

romeo: im happy for you guys!!!

juliet: yeah, congrats you guys!!!

toeshere: hell yeah that’s very sexy of you guys

coolguy: richie you already knew

toeshere: well

toeshere: you know

toeshere: still sexy of you guys

thankunext: thanks man

toeshere: ofc! we love you guys (:

juliet: yeah!! love you <3

romeo: <3<3<3

coolguy: <3<3<3

thankunext: love you guys too (:

**kryptonite >> annoyinggoose**

**11.09 pm**

kryptonite: thanks for walking me home

annoyinggoose: but ofc

annoyinggoose: my hands feel very held, thank you

kryptonite: as do mine :D

kryptonite: ily

annoyinggoose: ilyt!!

**annoyinggoose >> 10fingers**

**11.24 pm**

annoyinggoose: hey this is weird but like. thanks for hanging out

10fingers: hey, no problem, henderson

10fingers: friends get busy sometimes, but we ain't friends yet, so you can count on me

annoyinggoose: that was reassuring in the weirdest way possible

annoyinggoose: how much do i owe you for the milkshake

10fingers: you don't have to pay me back lmao

10fingers: actually wait

10fingers: you can pay me back in music recs, my spotify is dry asf

annoyinggoose: oh hell yeah i can do that

annoyinggoose: idk what you listen to though

10fingers: i mean. everything, kind of, but im more into, like, softer stuff recently? taking a break from the wombats for like… wallows

annoyinggoose: god, i love wallows

annoyinggoose: i'll make you a playlist of some stuff :)

10fingers: fuck yeah, thanks man

annoyinggoose: anytime

**beepbeeprichie >> absolutevalue**

**11.38 pm**

beepbeeprichie: i woke up and you. wow. you’re really pretty

beepbeeprichie: i’m just kind of watching you sleep, sorry. not in a creepy way

beepbeeprichie: in a gay way

beepbeeprichie: you didn’t say anything earlier but i guess you don’t mind me saying it so

beepbeeprichie: i love you, stan

beepbeeprichie: sleep well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> congrats on making it through all 9026 words of BULLSHIT hope you enjoyed it
> 
> nancy and Jonathan r. babey. they r babey. also that entire groupchat does in fact just have one communal wardrobe no i will not be accepting constructive criticism thank u
> 
> also  
> max & lucas: we shall keep our relationship private  
> max & lucas, literally two seconds later: right so fuck that,
> 
> we're doing GREAT lads


	8. no this is therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i got a big stick: anyway so jonathan mom definitely thinks you're fucking tommy hagan  
> \--  
> lucas and max's incredible ability to just be in love with basically all their friends makes a fun reappearance!! gays can have a little angst as a treat and by gays i mean the monster hunting trio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> side notes:  
> -jonathan & nancy aren't really out abt being aro because they kinda forget to tell people  
> -tommy is bisexual  
> -troy is steve's brother because i had a great new angst headcanon so fuck you his name is troy walsh harrington but he always uses walsh as his last name bc he hates his parents what's goodddddddd  
> -i'm trying not to bash ted too hard i swear
> 
> sorry this took so long to come out i've spent the last week stalking the stoncy tag over and over. gimme more content, motherfuckers (kidding i love you all)
> 
> mickeymouse: mike w.  
> i got a big stick: will  
> lululemon: lucas  
> annoyinggoose: dustin  
> kryptonite: jane  
> riptide: max  
> trashmouth: richie  
> romeo: beverly  
> juliet: bill  
> absolutevalue: stanley u.  
> beepbeeprichie: eddie  
> coolguy: ben  
> thankunext: mike h.  
> prettyboy: steve  
> sharpshooter: nancy  
> batman: jonathon  
> 420baby: tommy h.  
> cornflower.curls: carol  
> lesbianhoratio: barbara  
> bigdickenergy: robin  
> pizzamilkshake: kotku  
> ihatethesun: boris  
> sweaterweather: theo  
> 10fingers: james  
> trojanhorse: troy  
> winkwonk: sydney  
> lorde: dina  
> mrlobster: stanley b.

**chimken nunget**

**4.20 am**

annoyinggoose: blaze it

annoyinggoose: see, it's funny because im actually high this time

mickeymouse: dustin no

annoyinggoose: lmao

annoyinggoose: look i wasn't going to but like 

annoyinggoose: i did

riptide: felt that

annoyinggoose: thanks

toeshere: see it’s doubly funny because i too am actually high this time

mickeymouse: rich wtf

toeshere: love u <333

mickeymouse: ew

mickeymouse: tell maggie i love her

toeshere: yes of course!!!!

toeshere: she says she loves you too and she wants you to move here

toeshere: "he's quieter than you" thanks maggie

mickeymouse: why is she awake what

mickeymouse: GO TO SLEEP MOM

toeshere: she said she's busy ? i think she's making pasta

toeshere: also she's not your mom ? she's not my mom ? we're not related to her ?

mickeymouse: she's my mom in my heart

toeshere: that's fair

annoyinggoose: iconic

annoyinggoose: i can't believe we're finally unlocking mike's Lore

mickeymouse: i AM the aloof and sarcastic yet time weathered npc

annoyinggoose: skwnnskwj yeh

lululemon: a keysmash? that's gay

annoyinggoose: no shit sherlock

**lululemon >> annoyinggoose**

**4.32 am**

lululemon: are you gay??????

annoyinggoose: what the

annoyinggoose: are you ok

lululemon: answer the fucking question

annoyinggoose: kind of?

annoyinggoose: lucas?

**lululemon >> riptide**

**4.36 am**

lululemon: he's kind of gay

riptide: what

lululemon: he's kind of gay

riptide: no i can read

riptide: who's kind of gay

lululemon: dustin

lululemon: he's kind of gay

riptide: ohhhh

riptide: well?

lululemon: well what?

riptide: well, what are you going to do?

lululemon: oh

lululemon: i don't know

lululemon: i didn't think that through

lululemon: what am i supposed to do

riptide: well, does he like you?

lululemon: i don't know

lululemon: probably not

riptide: do you want me to find out for you?

lululemon: am i supposed to send my girlfriend to find out if guys like me?

riptide: i mean. not really normal ig

riptide: but sometimes it b like that

riptide: i dont mind doing it

lululemon: ok

lululemon: if you're sure you're good with it

riptide: yes ofc babe

lululemon: <3

riptide: <3

riptide: i'll start investigating

lululemon: thank u baby ily

riptide: ilyt!!! get some sleep

lululemon: as long as you do too

riptide: fine fine fine

**trojanhorse >> 10fingers**

**4.45 am**

trojanhorse: just letting ya know that im blasting, see ya on monday

trojanhorse: hope i didn't wake you up

**absolutevalue >> toeshere**

**7.20 am**

absolutevalue: so i guess we're matching

toeshere: what

absolutevalue: you know

absolutevalue: dating our best friend

toeshere: what

toeshere: wait what

absolutevalue: [boyfriend.png]

toeshere: holy shit oh my god

toeshere: what???

toeshere: oh my god

toeshere: damn wow

toeshere: congrats i hope he doesn't kill you

absolutevalue: i'll probably fear for my life every day

absolutevalue: but I'm ok with that

toeshere: awwwwww

toeshere: seriously buddy im happy for you!!

absolutevalue: thanks rich :) you too

**toeshere >> mickeymouse**

**7.26 am**

toeshere: fuck

mickeymouse: agreed

toeshere: stan and eddie are dating

mickeymouse: aww cute

toeshere: no

toeshere: well yes

toeshere: that's the problem

mickeymouse: ??

toeshere: it's stan and eddie

toeshere: STAN AND EDDIE

mickeymouse: oh right

mickeymouse: well

mickeymouse: fuck

toeshere: i mean im dating bill and trust me im very good with that

toeshere: but i just

toeshere: i just

toeshere: fuck

mickeymouse: so. so you're poly

toeshere: i guess, yeah

toeshere: ain't that a fuckin' sweet trip

mickeymouse: shit, dude

mickeymouse: im sorry

mickeymouse: not like that you’re poly obviously but that stan and eddie are dating

toeshere: it's ok

toeshere: it'll be ok!!

toeshere: i feel like such a dick lmao

mickeymouse: maybe you should talk to bill about it

toeshere: i absolutely should talk to bill about it

toeshere: but not right now

mickeymouse: hm

toeshere: we just got together yesterday i'm not dropping that on him yet

mickeymouse: yeah ok that's fair

**chimken nunget**

**8.00 am**

i got a big stick: ok what the hell

mickeymouse: what is it??

i got a big stick: what in hell did i do

i got a big stick: last night mom was like hey do you know where jonathan is and i was like yeah he's sleeping over at the hagans because he forgot to tell her like a dumbass

batman: i didn't forget i just decided not to

i got a big stick: asshole

i got a big stick: anyway this morning at breakfast . mom goes "will, we need to talk" and i was like ???????

i got a big stick: she's like "i know we don't always see eye to eye, but i need you to promise me that no matter what you believe, you'll love your brother anyway" and i was like mom it's 7 am what the fuck are you on about

i got a big stick: anyway so jonathan mom definitely thinks you're fucking tommy hagan

batman: doesn't she also think nancy and i are dating

mickeymouse: are you not

sharpshooter: smh

batman: my mother sure does have some thoughts on my relationships

batman: maybe i should clear that up

sharpshooter: my mom thinks i'm dating barb

batman: that's fun

sharpshooter: she also thinks i'm dating you though

sharpshooter: or she might think we're married i don't really know

batman: oh so barb is your mistress how festive

sharpshooter: ok but at least my mistress isn't tommy hagan

batman: yeah im pretty shit at this whole cheating business

i got a big stick: that's all very fascinating but guys

i got a big stick: seriously?? what did i do??

i got a big stick: why does everyone think im homophobic how did i acquire this reputation

i got a big stick: what happened to everyone thinking im gay

batman: aw poor little baby queer

i got a big stick: wow thanks jonathan

batman: no fucko problemo amigo

lululemon: why is jonathan so much funnier online

batman: im always tired as fuck and physical speech is a curse

batman: also people expect me to do like adult things in real life which is disgusting

sharpshooter: you could like. not have two jobs

batman: no i need them

batman: what would i do with my life

sharpshooter: hobbies????

batman: i don't have any

i got a big stick: yeah you do!!

i got a big stick: you uh

i got a big stick: you used to take pictures as a hobby but i guess that's your job now

i got a big stick: what about guitar

batman: nah i don't play anymore

i got a big stick: oh

sharpshooter: you're a mess, jonathan byers

batman: rude

sharpshooter: maybe if you didn't go to bed at 4pm-

batman: shut UP

annoyinggoose: that's the dream tbh

annoyinggoose: i wanna go to sleep at 4pm

annoyinggoose: or just constantly

batman: i think that's called depression

annoyinggoose: thanks

sharpshooter: what the fuck

mickeymouse: are y'all ok

toeshere: as if you have any right-

mickeymouse: i have no problems at all

toeshere: HM

mickeymouse: bitch i'll fight you

riptide: so are we all ignoring that will just accepted being called a little baby queer or

i got a big stick: im gay

mickeymouse: you're what

i got a big stick: im gay michael

mickeymouse: like . like

mickeymouse: boys ?

i got a big stick: that's the general vibe yeah

annoyinggoose: SMSNSMDJJS

annoyinggoose: wait is anyone here straight

lululemon: and…. crickets

batman: do i count as straight if i don't like girls

batman: hm

batman: never mind

sharpshooter: you're an idiot

batman: shut UP

i got a big stick: he's trying his best

i got a big stick: that's just not very good

batman: listen here you little shit

batman: just because you're right doesn't mean you need to say it

prettyboy: you good buddy

batman: shut up

prettyboy: you need any help

batman: i said shut up

prettyboy: hm no i don't think i will

batman: son of a bitch

sharpshooter: yo guys the hagans have a way onto their roof that's cool as fuck

annoyinggoose: oh yeah i found that last night

kryptonite: actually i found it you just crawled out after me

annoyinggoose: well

annoyinggoose: yeah

kryptonite: <3

annoyinggoose: <3

**riptide >> annoyinggoose**

**8.34 am**

riptide: so, you and janey

annoyinggoose: hm?

annoyinggoose: oh

annoyinggoose: i mean i don't think they're into me like that

riptide: mhm

riptide: …but you're into them

annoyinggoose: …yeah, i guess

annoyinggoose: i'm also kinda into someone else, though

riptide: oh shit really

annoyinggoose: yeah lol

annoyinggoose: she's dating my friend tho so like i would never go for it but like also i'm not sure it would be fair to janey if i went for them while also liking this other girl, yknow

riptide: oh shit i felt that

riptide: that's why lucas and i broke up lol

annoyinggoose: fr?

riptide: yeah i had a crush on this girl and he had a crush on this guy and we liked each other but we were so insecure over it and pining so much but that we drove each other away

riptide: it was kind of hell

annoyinggoose: but you're back together now!!

riptide: yeah :) those crushes haven't gone away, though. it's just that we're able to like each other just as much, if that makes sense

annoyinggoose: yeah, i guess it does

annoyinggoose: liking more than one person isn’t a big deal, tho

riptide: oh hell no i’m poly asf i’d be more worried if i didn’t

annoyinggoose: oh valid

annoyinggoose: i actually. i’m actually also poly

riptide: twinsies

annoyinggoose: yeah!!

annoyinggoose: i'm really glad you and lucas are happy

riptide: yeah, me too

riptide: speaking of lucas and i

riptide: we’re going to movies later, you wanna come?

annoyinggoose: oh i mean i wouldn't want to intrude

riptide: smh not at all

annoyinggoose: hmmm

annoyinggoose: you sure he won't mind?

riptide: he'll be thrilled!!!

riptide: trust me

annoyinggoose: if you say so

annoyinggoose: yeah, i'd love to go with you guys

**riptide >> lululemon**

**8.41 am**

riptide: ok so i don’t know if he likes you yet

riptide: BUT

riptide: i do know he’s poly

lululemon: oh good good good good

lululemon: we. we should talk about this

riptide: about what?

lululemon: you know

lululemon: this whole. dustin thing

riptide: what’s there to talk about?

riptide: you like him

lululemon: yeah, but

lululemon: you’re my girlfriend, max

riptide: i am aware, yes

lululemon: i just. ok. Emotion Time

lululemon: you matter a lot to me

riptide: is this the “i won’t break up with you if he likes me back” talk because i already know you won’t

riptide: i trust you, babe

riptide: i trust you to care about me

lululemon: oh thank god

lululemon: but that’s

lululemon: that’s not all

riptide: ok, hit me with ur best shot

lululemon: fuck now that song is stuck in my head

riptide: (:<

lululemon: you’re EVIL, mayfield

lululemon: but. right. dustin

lululemon: you guys are friends

riptide: i’m??

riptide: yes???

riptide: he’s like. my best friend

lululemon: right right

lululemon: right

riptide: where exactly are you heading with this

lululemon: i think we might need to stop this whole. me and dustin investigation thing

riptide: what?

riptide: wait what?

riptide: why?

lululemon: i can’t do it

riptide: can’t do what? can’t date two people?

lululemon: it’s not that it’s just

lululemon: i can’t date him

riptide: ...ok. can you walk me through…. why the fuck not

lululemon: he’s your best friend

riptide: yes

lululemon: and he’s. fuck. he’s my best friend too

lululemon: and god, i love him

lululemon: but i stepped into the idea way too quick, and i couldn’t handle it, because dating two people that are just best friends is never going to sit right with me. if you ever figure something out with el or anyone else and that’s what you want, then it’s ok! because i’m ok with that being what you do. i trust you and i don’t judge you for the way you love and i love because of how you love, because you’ve struggled so much and you’ve fought so hard to open your heart and you have found ways to heal and beneath all that tough skin you are so, so full of affection and full of belief in people, and the fact that you see the best in so many even after so many others have shown you their very worst sides over and over is amazing to me. you inspire me and you make the whole world just a little bit better, because if you can accept and adore it for what it is, then how could i do anything else?

lululemon: but i can’t do that. i can’t love like that. so even if my feelings for him don’t change, i can’t be anything but his best friend, because i would feel torn in two, and i would feel like i was doing something wrong, because it’s just not me.

riptide: ok, i just

riptide: give me a second i will be back in one second but that message made me cry i love you so much what the fuck sinclair

lululemon: i love you too

riptide: ok!!! ok

riptide: ok um. wow. wow.

riptide: i know this isn’t what it was intended for, but i hope you know i just fell so much further for you

riptide: the fact that that’s who you are is part of why i love you. the fact that you’re so devoted, that you love so fully, is… it’s overwhelming to think about, sometimes, because i love so fucking much but you love so intensely and so completely and it’s genuinely amazing to me

riptide: you’re right, we love in different ways. you’re right that i wouldn’t feel that i was doing anything wrong if i dated someone you weren’t, as long as we had talked about it and you were really ok with it. but that doesn’t mean that i would ever judge you for feeling that way. we love differently and i accept that. i embrace that. i love being loved by you as much as i love loving you, and i really believe that we balance each other. so thank you for telling me

riptide: thank you so, so much for telling me

riptide: however i’m pretty fucking in love with dustin so it’s not totally applicable

lululemon: you’re what

riptide: also i’m pretty sure dustin has a crush on me so there’s that too

lululemon: YOU’RE WHAT

riptide: i also know he has a crush on el, though? but he said he likes this girl that’s dating one of his friends and i might just be looking through rose colored glasses but. that seems like it could be me

lululemon: wait wait

lululemon: YOU like el

riptide: quite a bit, thank you for noticing

lululemon: so you’re telling me

lululemon: dustin likes el

lululemon: and you like el

lululemon: and you like dustin

lululemon: and we’re not fucking blind so we know el likes dustin

lululemon: and dustin likes you

lululemon: and i like dustin

lululemon: and i like el

riptide: i'm sorry what was that last bit

lululemon: don’t make me say it again

lululemon: but what you’re telling me . is that you and dustin and el should go on a date

riptide: that is NOT what i was saying

riptide: oh god oh my god

riptide: you can’t just say things like that

lululemon: my oh my would you look who’s FLUSTERED

riptide: YOU JUST SAID I SHOULD GO ON A DATE WITH EL AND DUSTIN OF COURSE IM FUCKING FLUSTERED

lululemon: IM RIGHT AND YOU KNOW IT YOU BISEXUAL DISASTER

riptide: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL ME THAT YOURE AS MUCH A BISEXUAL DISASTER AS I AM

lululemon: MHM YEAH OK I BET YOURE BRIGHT RED

riptide: STOP STOP STOP OH MY GOD

riptide: oh fuck wait i just remembered why i started this conversation

riptide: we’re going on a date with dustin today, be ready at 4

lululemon: huh??

riptide: well i didn’t tell him it’s a date

riptide: but it’s definitely a date

riptide: fuck should i invite el?????

lululemon: will he pick up on it being a date if you do??

lululemon: oh my god we’re going on a date with dustin

riptide: ahahahaha look who’s flustered now

riptide: hm. it’s ok we can take el next time

lululemon: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

riptide: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

lululemon: i love you

riptide: i love you too, babe (:

lululemon: GOD we’re such disasters

**lululemon >> annoyinggoose**

**9.16 am**

lululemon: oh shit i forgot to text back sorry

annoyinggoose: it’s ok lol

annoyinggoose: hey uh

annoyinggoose: max invited me to go to the movies with you guys? is that cool?

lululemon: of course it’s cool

lululemon: as long as you’re cool with it

annoyinggoose: yeah yeah i’m totally cool with it

lululemon: ok hell yeah

lululemon: i think she’s picking you up at like 4

annoyinggoose: ok!!!

**annoyinggoose >> batman**

**9.19 am**

annoyinggoose: i'm going on a date

batman: oh jane didn’t mention she had plans today

batman: they? he? just a sec

batman: ok yeah she didn’t mention she had plans today

annoyinggoose: i

annoyinggoose: no you misunderstand

annoyinggoose: i'm going out with lucas and max

batman: oh damn

batman: oh god am i allowed to swear at my little brother’s friends

batman: fuck i don’t know

annoyinggoose: i’ve sworn at you before it’s fine

batman: ok good

batman: why are you telling me, specifically

annoyinggoose: gonna be honest

batman: you meant to text steve

annoyinggoose: i meant to text steve

annoyinggoose: oh fuck you’re psychic

batman: no people just text me on accident most of the time

annoyinggoose: oh

annoyinggoose: i’m sorry

batman: nah it’s just that i’m usually already with everyone i talk to

batman: i mean i only talk to like four people on average so

batman: but your date?

annoyinggoose: yeah!! uh

annoyinggoose: this’ll sound stupid but she’s basically your sister so uh

annoyinggoose: jane doesn’t like me like that, right? like she’s not gonna care i went on a date with them?

batman: hm

annoyinggoose: oh fuck that sounded so stupid

annoyinggoose: i mean obviously she doesn’t LIKE me like me but i know she likes to hang out and i don’t want her to feel like i’m choosing spending time with them over spending time with her and i don’t want her to get lonely and this is really dumb because she hangs out with way more people than just me and she won’t even notice lmao sorry im gonna blast

batman: ok first of all

batman: no blasting, you stay right here

batman: second of all

**therapy**

**9.24 am**

batman: @annoyinggoose

annoyinggoose: oh come on

batman: :/ @riptide

annoyinggoose: oh come on

batman: :/ @prettyboy

annoyinggoose: OH COME ON

batman: nope you just had a breakdown out of nowhere on me you’re not escaping this

batman: if you don’t talk i Will come over to your house and i Will bring nancy and you Will Not like that

sharpshooter: breakdown??

annoyinggoose: it wasn’t really a breakdown it’s fine

prettyboy: shit dusty, what’s wrong

riptide: is. hm. did i fuck up?

annoyinggoose: no!! you didn’t

annoyinggoose: and nothing’s wrong per se

batman: in like 70 words you managed to convince yourself that jane doesn’t consider you her best friend and that she “won’t even notice” that you’re not around to hang out even though you guys hang out like every day

annoyinggoose: ok look

annoyinggoose: im just saying

riptide: oh god is this about the movies

batman: ooo the movies movie dates are good

riptide: jonathan

batman: sorry sorry

sharpshooter: you don’t even go on dates buddy that’s like the whole schtick

batman: shut up nancy im being supportive of the children

prettyboy: you’re going on a date???

prettyboy: wait not the point

prettyboy: dusty, jane adores you

annoyinggoose: i’m just available to hang out the most lol

annoyinggoose: if richie lived in hawkins she wouldn’t even look at me

riptide: ok 1) if richie lived in hawkins i don’t think jane would look at any of us

riptide: 2) she spends time with you because she wants to have that time spent with you

riptide: that’s the memory she wants to make, because she wants to make memories with you

riptide: because you’re, like, her best friend and she loves you so much and she like never ever shuts up about you

annoyinggoose: ok but like

annoyinggoose: she’s like that about you too

annoyinggoose: she just doesn’t hang out with you as much because you’re always with lucas

riptide: i’m not always with lucas

annoyinggoose: it’s not a bad thing

riptide: i’m not always with lucas

annoyinggoose: ok sorry

annoyinggoose: i’m just saying that i’m not special

riptide: well

riptide: don’t

prettyboy: what the fuck

prettyboy: fucking… what the fuck

annoyinggoose: i’m just saying!

annoyinggoose: you don’t need to get mad jeez

prettyboy: but i am! i’m pissed!

prettyboy: you can’t say that like you mean it that’s not fucking ok

annoyinggoose: wh

prettyboy: you can’t just

prettyboy: ok

prettyboy: fuck. you’re special. you’re special to everyone, but you’re definitely special to jane

batman: look kid, i get it

batman: it’s hard to feel like you can be special to anyone when you’re not even good enough for yourself

batman: it’s easy to feel annoying, it’s easy to feel like you’re pushing yourself into people’s lives, it’s easy to feel like a second choice, and it’s really fucking hard to stop feeling that way, but you gotta say something

batman: you have to tell people what you’re feeling, and things will develop from there, for better or worse. your friends would go to hell and back for you. but they can’t prove that unless you let them.

annoyinggoose: hm

annoyinggoose: look, i appreciate it

riptide: don’t you fucking dare tell him he’s wrong

riptide: you’re one of my best friends

riptide: you are my best friend

riptide: you’re one of my favorite people and i know that sometimes i shut down conversations because i don’t get how i’m feeling and i’m afraid of how you’re feeling and i don’t know what to do with any of it

riptide: but no matter if you’re sad, and no matter if i’m sad, and no matter if anyone else is with me or with you or whatever, if you need me then tell me, ok? don’t let me push it aside

riptide: it’s easier to avoid feelings, but they’ll catch up. there are a million thousand things i’d walk out of for you, and hanging out with lucas is only the start of that

riptide: he’s my boyfriend, he’s your best friend, and if you didn’t want him to come then he wouldn’t, but he’d want to help and he wouldn’t mind me going to help you. and even if he did mind then i’d still walk out on him to help you because that’s dumb and you’re more important than lucas’s stupidity

riptide: this is getting awkwardly mushy and long please reply

annoyinggoose: sorry sorry

annoyinggoose: give me a second i’m crying a little bit

prettyboy: can i say something

annoyinggoose: yeah

prettyboy: ok

prettyboy: i used to be a massive dick, right? like i was such an asshole. all of my friends can confidently attest that i used to be the literal worst

prettyboy: and you know. there are days when i just think about that a little too much. when i think about how lucky i am that they forgave me and how much i don’t deserve that and what a piece of shit person i am because wow i did a whole bunch of bullshit that apparently made up for it but it’s still all just bullshit because hey, half of it i only did to like.. impress nancy or make jonathan forgive me or try and make it so that robin never ever saw who i used to be and that’s all really selfish so am i even any better now than i was then and ok i didn’t mean to say all that but basically what i’m saying is your head can be a right bitch sometimes but you have to take a deep breath and realise that you’re worth more than you think

prettyboy: you just need to accept that your head doesn’t like you sometimes and it’s wrong

annoyinggoose: i guess

annoyinggoose: i will… try

annoyinggoose: i love you

prettyboy: i love you too, kid

**coffee is better fuck you barbara**

**9.46 am**

_ sharpshooter has added cornflower.curls to the chat _

_ sharpshooter has added 420baby to the chat _

420baby: my oh mys what a lovely surprise

cornflower.curls: thomas please do you ever shut up

420baby: bullied by my own girlfriend wow

420baby: anyway are we here to be bullied or doth the queen extend some mercy on us?

sharpshooter: you’re a little shit, hagan

sharpshooter: but you’re wearing jonathan’s jacket so i guess you’re inducted into the friend group

sharpshooter: anyway it’s steve loving hours so i figured you’d want to join

prettyboy: its what

cornflower.curls: oh hell yeah obviously i want to join

batman: steve is cool

prettyboy: thanks jonathan

batman: i’m bad at this

420baby: not to be a bitch because yeah i love steve

420baby: but did something like happen

prettyboy: no

bigdickenergy: he had a breakdown about thinking he’s a bad person

prettyboy: no

cornflower.curls: oh shit

prettyboy: hhhhhhhh

cornflower.curls: stevie

cornflower.curls: what’s wrong?

prettyboy: i just

prettyboy: it’s just a lot sometimes

420baby: is it about your brother?

prettyboy: a little bit

prettyboy: he was here for hours yesterday and i didn’t talk to him at all

prettyboy: i didn’t even see him and i feel bad but i don’t want to feel bad and i hate that i feel bad and it’s a lot

prettyboy: i don’t know it’s just really weird? because i know he’s an asshole for the same reasons i was an asshole and i know it’s probably my fault he turned out Like That because i basically fucking raised him except i didn’t because i barely spoke to him and i wasn’t a good brother and i know that but now all my friends are tenth graders and i’m not even in college yet and you’re all in college but i’m a failure and that’s a whole different thing but jesus!! they all hate him

prettyboy: and i know they have every reason and right but they’re the people i spend my time with and it’s like they expect me to hate him as much as they do and sure yeah i’m not his biggest fan but he’s my little brother

prettyboy: i can’t hate him and i don’t want to and ok maybe i’m more upset over this than i thought wow anyway

batman: i kind of get it

prettyboy: will is like your favorite person dude

batman: i mean yeah

batman: yeah i think he’s great, i love him

batman: but that doesn’t mean i don’t hate him sometimes and with me it’s more that i’m just a really fucked up person and i blame other people for my shitty selfish problems but like. i kind of get it

420baby: you’re not fucked up

420baby: like i know i’m the worst person to hear that from and you’re probably rolling your eyes

420baby: but you’re not, you’re really kind and you just. you’re just a good person underneath all your edgy 80s grunge aesthetic layers and it’s not selfish to have problems

420baby: you deserve help

batman: i mean i don’t need help it’s just. life

420baby: everyone needs help, even if help is just someone to hang out and laugh at your jokes or something

420baby: also, steve?

420baby: i know you probably don’t want to hear this from me, but he’s not an awful kid

420baby: he. hm. i don’t think i’m allowed to throw his Emotions into the void of groupchat but just. you should talk to him sometime. because i have enough crying little brother when it comes to james i don’t need another one

sharpshooter: you should talk to him, i agree

sharpshooter: also thomas stop deflecting your feelings

420baby: why is everyone using my full name today

sharpshooter: you’re inspiring a lot of full name usage what with your feeling deflecting and all that

batman: nancy . nancy you deflect all your feelings

sharpshooter: that’s not true

sharpshooter: i compress all my feelings into a tiny ball in my chest and i keep it right there for as long as possible and then i climb through your window to cry

batman: i-

420baby: oh god crying sounds so nice

cornflower.curls: do you need a hug?

420baby: no i just have literally no filter rn sorry

prettyboy: concerning

420baby: i would like to suggest that we concern over jonathan

batman: what

420baby: are you okay, buddy

420baby: am i allowed to ask that

420baby: how does this work

batman: no yeah you can ask

batman: i’m ok i’m just stressed about Life but what’s new

sharpshooter: hear me out

batman: not quitting any jobs

sharpshooter: it’s summer

batman: more hours to work

sharpshooter: j o n

cornflower.curls: ok i know i don’t know you super well but like

cornflower.curls: it’s summer and nyc is so far away

cornflower.curls: don’t you want to spend time with your family?

batman: i do spend time with my family

sharpshooter: you cook breakfast, leave for the post office, go straight to hang out with steve after your shift, clock in at the antique shop, go home and cook dinner, and lock yourself in your room

sharpshooter: and i hate that i can type that out so clearly it’s such a fucking routine

batman: that’s not every day

sharpshooter: sunday through thursday, your family orders takeout wednesdays because you work double shift at fordman’s

sharpshooter: my brother literally lives in your house like i may not talk to him super often but i have been checking up recently and i do know how little time you’re spending there

sharpshooter: and i’m happy to let you stay at mine and i’m happy to go anywhere you want to, but i don’t want you to hide. i’d follow you to the ends of the earth and you know that, but i never want to run with you if you’re running away. you have to go home.

batman: i’m home right now

sharpshooter: are you in your room?

batman: why does it matter

prettyboy: because that’s the whole point we’re making?

prettyboy: like. ok

prettyboy: like how when i get super upset because i feel like i’ve fucked up too much in my life and i’ve done all these awful things and i’m a shitty person and i don’t deserve you guys then i just. i mean i usually call robin but i’ve called jon once or twice since he’s awake at weird hours

batman: oh, is that why you call me at like two am?

prettyboy: sometimes

prettyboy: sometimes i just wanna talk to my best friend is that a crime

batman: oh

batman: well

batman: no it’s not

420baby: aw he’s blushing

batman: traitor you can wrap your own goddamn ankle

sharpshooter: no don’t leave him to do it he won’t

420baby: ok you know what

batman: she’s right

batman: you’re still a traitor

batman: nobody’s ever called me their best friend before let me live

prettyboy: well now they have

prettyboy: you’re my best friend

batman: damn

batman: you are. also my best friend

prettyboy: you’re so fucking awkward

batman: shut up dickhead

sharpshooter: it’s like having children

prettyboy: wait you all derailed my jon comfort

prettyboy: anyway. i call someone i trust and love. because even when i doubt if i deserve them, or even when i doubt if they really want me around, that feeling of belonging and the acceptance that you guys always offer is just. it’s good. it’s really good. and like tommy said, everyone needs help. and locking yourself up in your room is just. cutting yourself off from that support system

prettyboy: but they love you and they want to be there

prettyboy: so please. you gotta let them be there.

batman: it’s just… hard

batman: like i love my family. more than anything. i’d die for will or for my mom or for jane or even for jim. probably even for mike. i wouldn’t even have to think about it

batman: but i’m the oldest and i’ve been working part time since i was thirteen and i wanted to be independent and nobody stopped me because nobody had the time because my mom had to cope with the divorce and will is. you know, he’s been through shit, and even before that then everyone always made fun of him but everyone always made fun of me too and mom never cared about that, just cared about if i was home to make dinner on time and i had kept an eye on will

batman: and i worked all the time once i was old enough to get the hours and i was like never home and money was still hard to come by and it felt like if i stopped working, i wouldn’t even matter anymore, and i know she didn’t mean any of that like i know it was super fucking hard and i never asked her to give me like more attention or anything but it was like i was some kind of replacement for lonnie? like i was supposed to fill in as the other adult in the house but i was just a kid and i’d do it all again but now i’m in college and i send them money every month but it’s not much because i don’t have much because i’m paying my tuition but i just

batman: it’s like they don’t need me anymore

batman: and i know that i don’t have to be needed to be wanted but. what’s there to want, anyway?

batman: anyway sorry for dumping all that on you guys lmao it’s fine i’m just tired

sharpshooter: my parents are getting divorced

batman: oh shit nance im so sorry

sharpshooter: no, let me finish

sharpshooter: my parents are getting divorced because they need to. my dad, as much as i call him an asshole, is just… it’s not that he’s not a good man. he’s just not a good parent. and i fucking hate him because a dad that doesn’t want to be a dad fucks you up, and i’m fucked up, and it’s so, so hard to live with him. it’s hard to look him in the face when i know the things he’s said to me and the things he’s said to mike and the things he’s said to my mom. it’s hard to see him at the family table when he barely knows our family. he doesn’t remember what college i go to, he doesn’t know my major, he probably doesn’t even know holly’s middle name, because he doesn’t know mine and he pretends he doesn’t know mike’s because he hates it. so yeah, i hate my dad.

sharpshooter: and my whole life, mike has kind of hated me. and i never really knew why, because i didn’t remember being really little, so i just figured it was normal sibling stuff and then normal teenage angst and whatever, like i don’t need to be super close to my little brother, you know? but i resented him for a little bit, because how the fuck am i supposed to make up for whatever i did when i have no fucking clue what it is?

sharpshooter: and now i know about richie and i know about boris and i don’t resent him anymore but i do hate him a little bit, because i know that the reason i couldn’t make up for what i did is that i didn’t do anything. i just wasn’t them.

sharpshooter: i was me, so i wasn’t enough. and i don’t hold it against him necessarily, but i can’t look him in the eye yet. it hurts a lot, you know?

sharpshooter: i just wanted to be home for the summer to support my mom and maybe. maybe. you know, i sort of wanted to bond with mike, and maybe i wanted to take holly out to play more often

sharpshooter: i wanted to be there, you know? i wanted so, so badly to finally really be there, because college has helped me get so much less angry at the world and they didn’t deserve to be pushed away, but holly gets babysat by the girl next door every day and my mom sort of cringes every time she sees me and now i’ve found out that mike isn’t even really my brother and i love him as my little brother but he’s had this whole other family all along and he doesn’t love me as his sister because he never had a reason to. so that fucking sucks.

sharpshooter: so i guess basically what i’m saying is that families aren’t perfect and people aren’t always good to you, but you don’t have to be perfect or good to be ok. i’ll always be there for my little brother if he needs me, and your little brother will always be there for you

sharpshooter: and hey! your dad was a piece of shit, and so’s mine, and so’s steve’s, and so’s tommy’s, so even if your family is kind of distant, you have us

420baby: we can have a club! my dad’s not that bad tho

batman: uhh tommy

420baby: what

batman: ok we can talk about that later

batman: thank you, nance. like. really. thank you.

batman: i love you

sharpshooter: i love you too, jon

prettyboy: ok cuddle pile time

prettyboy: where’s tom

420baby: let’s just go to the basement

cornflower.curls: no stairs

prettyboy: no stairs

batman: no stairs

sharpshooter: no stairs

lesbianhoratio: ok robbie and i have been at the store im sorry we weren’t here for therapy but my phone just had a fucking seizure don’t text at the same time like that

lesbianhoratio: you’re right tho no stairs

420baby: i’m literally fine

420baby: like it’s not even that bad

420baby: seriously

prettyboy: mhm that’s nice

prettyboy: cuddle pile time

bigdickenergy: can barb and i join when we get home

sharpshooter: i’ll sue you if you don’t

prettyboy: “get home”

bigdickenergy: shut up dingus

bigdickenergy: you knew what i meant

cornflower.curls: do you consider me a mother figure

lesbianhoratio: i hope not

cornflower.curls: yeah i didn’t think that one through very well

**10fingers >> trojanhorse**

**11.08 am**

10fingers: i just woke up

10fingers: why’d you leave?

10fingers: just gonna abandon me all alone with tommy and his friends wow ok

**10fingers >> trojanhorse**

**3.14 pm**

10fingers: troy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i lied there will be ST in the next chapter bc of ~the movie date~ but mostly it'll be losers/sydinastans and like . less angst because what the fuck wicker calm down
> 
> no i will not explain what's happening with robin & her redheads they are simply vibing and so am i ok i don't know dude i really don't
> 
> anyway as always comment, lemme know what you wanna see, & hmu on tumblr @theworriedman if you're chill w putting up w more of my bullshit
> 
> also!! also!! i might start writing some lil oneshot drabble things for different moments in this?? maybe . it's a solid Probably. yell at me in the comments if that's impermissible


	9. nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sharpshooter: RATBOY………… WHAT SECRETS DO YOU HIDE…………….
> 
> prettyboy: RATBOY………….. CLASS WITHOUT RATS WAS JUST FINE…………..
> 
> sharpshooter: RATBOY………….. SO MANY HOBBIES YOU COULD FIND………….
> 
> prettyboy: JUST PLEASE!! PUT!! DOWN!! THAT!! RAT!!  
> __  
> or, i remember there's actually a plot to this bullshit. and then i continue to ignore it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot abt will for a hot sec there sorry guys. too many characters im going feral :(
> 
> i have too too too many headcanons and Thots on the stranger teens so please just don't judge my bullshit

**the losers club**

**11.22 am**

juliet: anyone free today?

toeshere: sorry babe eds and i are hitting the arcade

beepbeeprichie: he can come if he wants!!

juliet: nah i’ll pass

coolguy: i’m driving to my cousin’s rn

coolguy: i totally forgot to tell you guys i was going :((

juliet: benny is leaving us?????

toeshere: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

toeshere: NOT BENNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

toeshere: BENNY, WHY?? HOW COULD YOU??

toeshere: IS THIS WHAT BETRAYAL FEELS LIKE?

absolutevalue: shut up

absolutevalue: i’m probably free

juliet: ok great i’m coming over see you in a sec

absolutevalue: let me get out of bed wait

beepbeeprichie: you’re still in bed??????

beepbeeprichie: babe why

absolutevalue: …

absolutevalue: warm

beepbeeprichie: understandable

coolguy: question

beepbeeprichie: no

coolguy: ok

thankunext: i’ve texted bev like sixteen times :((

coolguy: she didn’t answer me either :((

juliet: me either :((

absolutevalue: maybe she’s asleep

juliet: it’s almost noon???

absolutevalue: maybe she stayed up really late

toeshere: like you??? ;)

absolutevalue: ew, first of all? sex is a second date thing

thankunext: STAN

absolutevalue: what what did i say

beepbeeprichie: just a sec

beepbeeprichie: richard is that you

toeshere: please help

beepbeeprichie: how the hell did you do that

toeshere: still kinda a wreck after the night i had with your mom, so i had to hide when i heard u coming back :/ gotta look my best for princess wheezy

beepbeeprichie: FUCK YOU

beepbeeprichie: i’m locking it

toeshere: why the hell does your closet have a lock

absolutevalue: he’s locking you in his closet?

absolutevalue: ironic

thankunext: STAN

absolutevalue: what what did i say

juliet: just stop talking babe

toeshere: was that directed at me or stan because it applies to both

juliet: yeah both

absolutevalue: don’t compare me to richie

toeshere: ur a menace mr uris

absolutevalue: thanks

toeshere: no problem <3

absolutevalue: 

toeshere: WHA 

absolutevalue: < / 3 it’s falling further apart

toeshere: im going to cry

absolutevalue: tasty

beepbeeprichie: STAN

absolutevalue: WHAT

absolutevalue: what did i SAY

**romeo >> winkwonk**

****

****

**12.06 pm**

romeo: just stopped for lunch, im like halfway there

winkwonk: i owe you big time

romeo: yeah no problem

romeo: you wanna tell me what happened?

winkwonk: i think it’s… probably better to say it in person

winkwonk: something went really, really wrong

romeo: are you hurt?

winkwonk: not me, no

winkwonk: i’ll tell you when you get here, i promise

romeo: ok

romeo: i love you

winkwonk: i love you too

**the losers club**

**12.10 pm**

romeo: sorry i was driving ahhhhhh

romeo: i love u guys <3

coolguy: love you too <3 why are you driving?

romeo: on my way to pick up my halfie

thankunext: excuse me

romeo: my half sister

romeo: my halfie

juliet: one why does everyone have secret siblings two please never call her your halfie again

romeo: i love my halfie <3 she’s not a secret

romeo: i just don’t really talk about it all that often

romeo: she’s american :/

toeshere: god imagine being american

beepbeeprichie: i refuse

toeshere: understandable

absolutevalue: i wish i could go back to my grandparents’ house

absolutevalue: greece is just so much nicer than here

romeo: i get to go visit my aunt’s old friend soon!! she still lives in barcelona!! im so exciteddddd

thankunext: ok wait give me a second im wheezing

thankunext: who in this chat was born in america

absolutevalue: ...and crickets

juliet: wait what the fuck

juliet: how has this never come up

juliet: stan you’re greek?????????

absolutevalue: absolutely am

juliet: holy shit that’s sexy

juliet: *cool sorry autocorrect

absolutevalue: i’m sexy shut up bill

juliet: ok ok you’re sexy

absolutevalue: thank you

absolutevalue: be my sugar daddy

juliet: no i’m super broke

juliet: richard be this man’s sugar daddy

toeshere: yeah yeah ok

toeshere: i saw ur toes earlier here’s sixteen dollars

absolutevalue: i was typing out a notes rant on why i hate you but then i got the venmo notif

absolutevalue: richard take your sixteen dollars back

absolutevalue: that does not mean give me another fifty cents

absolutevalue: take your money back richard

toeshere: <33

toeshere: boris told me if im nicer people will love me

absolutevalue: boris pushed me off a roof

toeshere: do as he says not as he does

absolutevalue: hm. can i call him a bitch

toeshere: please do!!!!!

juliet: he pushed you off a roof??????????

absolutevalue: yeah

absolutevalue: he pushed theo too i'm not special

toeshere: theo…………………………

absolutevalue: he's also a bitch

toeshere: damn eds be rubbin' off on ya huh

beepbeeprichie: shut up meathead

toeshere: oh, my meat ain't what you're interested in? eyes emoji

coolguy: uh

thankunext: OK SO MOVING ON

romeo: stan be like i will not reply

toeshere: eyes emoji

romeo: dammit richard turn off ur alec benjamin and stop coping be a man

toeshere: i

toeshere: but there's gotta be a reason that im here on earth

coolguy: gotta be a reason for the dust and dirt

toeshere: ben ur my fave

coolguy: thanks!! im my fave too

toeshere: self love KING

romeo: just general KING

thankunext: king of my heart

coolguy: ckddkldfllhxclc

beepbeeprichie: that's… an ugly keysmash

absolutevalue: just call him a top and move on

beepbeeprichie: ...yeah

coolguy: i

thankunext: now wait a sec

beepbeeprichie: silence bottom

thankunext: 0:

toeshere: adorable

coolguy: I'M SHRIEKING

toeshere: I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPS

coolguy: I WALKED INTO MY COUSINS HOUSE AND SAID HI AND HE LOOKED ME DEAD IN THE EYES AND BIT INTO A FROZEN WAFFLE

coolguy: LIKE HE DIDN'T HEAT IT UP HE JUST BIT THE STILL FROZEN WAFFLE AND WALKED AWAY

romeo: what the fuck is wrong with your cousin

coolguy: i knocked on his door and he started playing sixties music super loud

coolguy: i simply cannot

coolguy: i will now commandeer his brothers room as my fort

coolguy: frick jonathan i want a nap

**chimken nunget**

**12.41 pm**

kryptonite: eyes emoji…………

toeshere: eyes emoji………………….

kryptonite: they at……… the movies………..

toeshere: OHOHOHOHOHO they at the MOVIES

kryptonite: they are HANGING OUT at the CINEMA

toeshere: we see them…………..

kryptonite: we see them………….

batman: let them bang in peace

sharpshooter: JONATHAN

batman: WHAT

sharpshooter: THEY'RE FIFTEEN

batman: I'M AWARE

sharpshooter: you called will twelve literally yesterday

sharpshooter: i couldn't be sure

batman: i was tired

i got a big stick: you called me TWELVE

batman: YOU LOOK TWELVE

i got a big stick: SHUT THE FUCK UP

batman: YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOURE THE ONE BRINGING THE HOUSE DOWN WITH FUCKING SIXITIES LOVE SONGS AGAIN

kryptonite: am i allowed to text dustin while he's on a date

mickeymouse: ha gay

kryptonite: i

kryptonite: that's the least gay thing ive ever done in my life

mickeymouse: we made out

kryptonite: oh fuck right

mickeymouse: it's okay i was a bad kisser age 13 i would forget it too

kryptonite: to be fair i haven't kissed anyone else since so i don't have any perspective

kryptonite: wait

kryptonite: omg was that gay

kryptonite: like i was still genderfluid right???? i just didn't know

toeshere: omg

toeshere: yea u were omg it was gay

kryptonite: mike did u enjoy ur first gay relationship

mickeymouse: yeah it was a good time

mickeymouse: damn wish i could have another gay relationship

toeshere: oh, but you could, darling

mickeymouse: excuse me????

**toeshere >> i got a big stick**

**1.05 pm**

toeshere: sup gay boy

i got a big stick: i

i got a big stick: wait

i got a big stick: are you

toeshere: yup gay boy

i got a big stick: NO WHAT THE HELL

toeshere: oh so you DON'T think he's hot

i got a big stick: what? no im not fucking blind

toeshere: great y'all should date

i got a big stick: WHY WOULD WE DO THAT

toeshere: william.

i got a big stick: richard.

toeshere: please he's so lonely and in love

i got a big stick: i'm not gonna be a rebound

toeshere: what??

toeshere: no i meant like

toeshere: buddy he

toeshere: text him

i got a big stick: OH

i got a big stick: IS HE IN LOVE WITH ME

toeshere: YES YOU FUCKING IDIOT

i got a big stick: woah

i got a big stick: ...woah

toeshere: i know i thought he had taste

i got a big stick: i literally hate you

toeshere: my favorite brother in law :)

i got a big stick: you’re my second favorite brother in law :)

toeshere: ....

toeshere: ok that’s fair

**i got a big stick >>> mickeymouse**

**1.08 pm**

i got a big stick: hey wanna be boyfriends aha just kidding unless

mickeymouse: WILL

i got a big stick: MIKE

mickeymouse: im going to cry

i got a big stick: don't cry!!!

i got a big stick: i will give you. a soft kiss

mickeymouse: i would like a soft kiss yes

i got a big stick: amazing

i got a big stick: i am coming to kiss you

mickeymouse: OK

**the losers club**

**1.13 pm**

coolguy: jonathan texts me like "hey by the way will's best friend lives with us" and im like how do i explain they're not best friends

juliet: what do you mean

coolguy: i'm 90% sure they're making out

**chimken nunget**

**1.15 pm**

juliet: poor will

mickeymouse: bitch

toeshere: rip will

mickeymouse: BITCH

toeshere: BITCH

toeshere: ok im literally hyperventilating i cannot

toeshere: bill i cannot

juliet: i am begging you. do not tell him

juliet: i really want him to see mike and get baffled

toeshere: understandable

mickeymouse: what

i got a big stick: what

toeshere: nothing nothing at all

toeshere: go back to uhhhh your earlier activities

prettyboy: yeah go bang in peace

batman: NO you can't say that to my BROTHER he's like TWELVE

i got a big stick: wow

i got a big stick: okay we're gonna go bang in peace

mickeymouse: oh okay

juliet: how? you're both bottoms

i got a big stick: okay well that's just rude

batman: i hate that i laughed

i got a big stick: i also hate that you laughed

i got a big stick: why do you hate me

batman: personal reasons

i got a big stick: understandable, forgiven

i got a big stick: please continue

batman: fuck off ya weird ass midget

i got a big stick: yeah im turning my phone off

batman: use ~protection~

sharpshooter: ~protection~

sharpshooter: that's how allo people talk right

batman: close enough

sharpshooter: then again, if you own a gun, does it really matter if you fit in

batman: someone should have told me that in high school

prettyboy: that’s a terrifying response have a nice day

**the gang**

**1.29 pm**

ihatethesun: what if i did heroin

pizzamilkshake: oh no

ihatethesun: this is hypothetical kotku

pizzamilkshake: yeah i just think it would feel very “oh no” if you did heroin

sweaterweather: also it doesn’t seem like a very sustainable habit

sweaterweather: so

pizzamilkshake: the twink has a point

sweaterweather: the

sweaterweather: WHAT

ihatethesun: i hear sex on heroin is amazing

pizzamilkshake: i’m not having sex with you on heroin

sweaterweather: i’m not having sex with you on heroin

ihatethesun: ok i guess i won’t do heroin

ihatethesun: you two are such bullies

ihatethesun: i am going to tell richie you are bullies

sweaterweather: who the hell is richie

pizzamilkshake: im with him for once

pizzamilkshake: boris???

**ihatethesun >> toeshere**

**1.35 pm**

ihatethesun: i am in love

toeshere: i know

ihatethesun: theo won’t call me his boyfriend )):

toeshere: oh shit

toeshere: that’s not nice )):

ihatethesun: it is FINE

ihatethesun: i just want him to call me his boyfriend )):

toeshere: i have a crush on the boy that has a crush on my boyfriend

ihatethesun: damn

ihatethesun: that’s rough buddy

toeshere: i-

ihatethesun: what do you expect me to say richard

ihatethesun: that is rough

toeshere: i fuckinh hate you 

ihatethesun: love you too ♡

toeshere: ask theo out

ihatethesun: i literally kissed him and he still thinks we're bros how will that help

toeshere: ask theo to go to therapy

ihatethesun: i mean… yes

ihatethesun: god shouldn't we all

toeshere: cheers mate

**coffee is better fuck you barbara**

**1.49 pm**

batman: i wish to commit acts of violence

batman: i am going to sell my family to the gods

cornflower.curls: Top Ten Ways To Spice Up Sunday Brunch!

cornflower.curls: r you good tho

batman: why did i ever think fifteen year olds are cool

cornflower.curls: because you were wrong

batman: i mean. yeah

batman: that. yeah

batman: i cna’t argue with that

420baby: cna’t

prettyboy: cna’t

bigdickenergy: cna’t

lesbianhoratio: cna’t

sharpshooter: cna’t

_sharpshooter has changed chat name to jon cna’t type_

batman: wow. it’s just like highschool

sharpshooter: they say highschool is the best time of your life

sharpshooter: it’s all downhill from here

batman: oh fuck

cornflower.curls: if highschool is the best time of your life, you’re doing something wrong

cornflower.curls: highschool was sort of like the time my straightener got too hot and my hair caught fire but like for four years straight

prettyboy: no no remember that time in tenth grade when that weird freshman caught a rat in the hallway and carried it around all day

batman: hey wait

prettyboy: that was a classic what a fucking weirdo

batman: hey WAIT

cornflower.curls: no omg ur right that was so good

cornflower.curls: omg that fucking dweeb

batman: HEY WAIT

bigdickenergy: rip ratboy you will not be missed

batman: :((

sharpshooter: ratboy…… the scourge of hawkins high…..

prettyboy: ratboy…… that crazy bitch was probably high……

420baby: ratboy…… why is there nothing in your eyes…….

cornflower.curls: did you ever care for me……. was it all a lie…….

sharpshooter: ratboy…….. please don’t bring the rats inside………

lesbianhoratio: ratboy…….. he got the rodents on his mind…….

batman: i feel bullied but also serenaded

batman: thanks

sharpshooter: wait does will know the ratboy story

batman: NANCY NO

**chimken nunget**

**2.02 pm**

sharpshooter: RATBOY………… WHAT SECRETS DO YOU HIDE…………….

prettyboy: RATBOY………….. CLASS WITHOUT RATS WAS JUST FINE…………..

sharpshooter: RATBOY………….. SO MANY HOBBIES YOU COULD FIND………….

prettyboy: JUST PLEASE!! PUT!! DOWN!! THAT!! RAT!!

sharpshooter: i wish that was an actual song

batman: i hate you so much more than i knew i could ever hate a person

sharpshooter: oh no are you filing for divorce

batman: we’re not even married yet dumbass

mickeymouse: what do you mean yet

mickeymouse: i thought you weren’t together?????

sharpshooter: ew

sharpshooter: romance….. disgosting

batman: the tax benefits, michael

mickeymouse: hm… understandable

mickeymouse: so what’s with the song

sharpshooter: it’s a ballad for ratboy <3

_batman has removed sharpshooter_

i got a big stick: what

prettyboy: ratboy please be kind

_batman has removed prettyboy_

i got a big stick: WHAT

i got a big stick: RATBOY???

batman: SHUT UP ITS NOT FUNNY

i got a big stick: BRING THEM BACK I WANT AN EXPLANATION

batman: THERE IS NO EXPLANATION SHUT UP

bigdickenergy: i wish i had been there for ratboy’s rise

batman: i fukcnig hate youy

bigdickenergy: steve has told me all about it

batman: god DAMN it

bigdickenergy: is it true you set him loose on brendan brick

batman: we don’t need to talk about it

_kryptonite has added 2 others to the chat_

batman: dammit janey

kryptonite: <3

sharpshooter: YES ITS TRUE HE SET HIM LOOSE ON BRENDAN BRICK IT WAS IN GYM CLASS AND WE WERE DOING THE ROPE TEST AND HE JUST REACHED OUT AND SET HIM ON BRENDAN’S HEAD

sharpshooter: IT WAS THE FUNNIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE

batman: i had 2 b gentle

batman: he was only a liddol rat

batman: could not scare the liddol rat babey

prettyboy: breaking news: ratboy goes into uwu mode over rats

batman: shut up

batman: they’re so liddol…….. their teef………. nibble nibble………

i got a big stick: liddol…….. they are just babeys…………

i got a big stick: they r simpley tiney blessings in a great big world……. protect them

batman: thank god i raised him right

i got a big stick: hell yeah

juliet: rats…… i love rats

toeshere: is that why you love me

juliet: yeah

toeshere: yayyyy

juliet: <333

toeshere: <333

sharpshooter: romance… disgosting

_juliet has added romeo_

juliet: nnoi didnt whatteh fuck

romeo: the perks <3

juliet: the perks of WHAT exactly

toeshere: hi bev

mickeymouse: THIS IS BEV??????

romeo: IS THIS RICHIES OTHER RICHIE

mickeymouse: THE ONE AND ONLY

ihatethesun: uh

toeshere: i love my one (1) brother

ihatethesun: crime

ihatethesun: i lied i am doing heroin to forget this trauma

toeshere: have fun

ihatethesun: i will

mickeymouse: wow ive never been loved before

i got a big stick: shut UP we’ve only been dating for an hour i cant break up with you yet

mickeymouse: aw that’s cute <3 ily

i got a big stick: <3 ily2

kryptonite: gay

i got a big stick: literally yes

romeo: iconic

romeo: my halfie says yall cute

juliet: stop calling her that i swear to god

romeo: my halfie says you’re bitch <3

juliet: what!! is!! her!! name!!

riptide: SYD

riptide: SYD HER NAME IS SYD OH MY FUCK

riptide: also the movie was great <3

riptide: dustin come tell them the movie was great and you enjoyed yourself

lululemon: yeah dustin come say it was great right now

annoyinggoose: it was great and i enjoyed myself

annoyinggoose: and lucas put popcorn in my hair

annoyinggoose: but that’s okay

lululemon: it was cute

annoyinggoose: it wasn’t

riptide: it wasn’t

riptide: but it was

riptide: jane you gotta come next time our boys r driving me wild

kryptonite: u were already wild

kryptonite: but yes darling <3 i’ll come next time

riptide: <3

annoyinggoose: <3

lululemon: <3

romeo: that’s adorable wtf

romeo: max when did u get slick?????

riptide: I DON’T KNOW??

riptide: i think they just have a thing for red hair bc i did NOTHING

annoyinggoose: she’s just like one of those people that like. when she lets u See her then you are Looking and it is just So Much to See she is so much she’s amazing

lululemon: she makes me Smile because she’s like so mean and funny but she’s so Good and it’s cute but it’s also so cool like she’s Cute and also Cool she’s amazing

kryptonite: yesterday i learned the word ethereal

kryptonite: das my girl

riptide: wait. im gonna cry

lululemon: also yeah we totally have a thing for red hair

annoyinggoose: but like YOUR red hair

riptide: IM GONNA CRY

kryptonite: <33 loving max hours <33

romeo: thats so cute im so happy for youuuuu

romeo: syd says its disgusting and shes happy for you too

riptide: thank u syd <3

juliet: ....

juliet: more secret siblings in chat

riptide: it wasn’t a secret

romeo: it was a little bit of a secret

riptide: okay it was sort of a secret

romeo: maybe a tiny secret

mickeymouse: spill the deets bros

riptide: mom bad

romeo: dad bad

riptide: girls sad

romeo: dad mad

riptide: mom mad

romeo: dad dead

riptide: girls sad

romeo: i don’t have another rhyme

romeo: girls separated but pronounce separated wrong in ur head

mickeymouse: i don’t understand at all but that’s okay

mickeymouse: i support you

riptide: thanks mophead

mickeymouse: no problem gingy

riptide: oppression

mickeymouse: im homophobic

i got a big stick: is that why u LEFT ME

mickeymouse: get out from under the bed you baby im getting you the coke you ASKED FOR

i got a big stick: oh right

i got a big stick: forgot abt that

i got a big stick: thanks hon ur the best <3333333

sharpshooter: jon we still have the wedding plans right

batman: unless you ate them yeah

sharpshooter: like a rat?

batman: yeah

batman: wait

sharpshooter: ratboy have one thought

sharpshooter: wait no come back

sharpshooter: im sorry )):

sharpshooter: aw )):

sharpshooter: don’t tease people when ur standing on a cliff kids

prettyboy: WHAT

sharpshooter: )):

prettyboy: NANCY

prettyboy: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

sharpshooter: relax he’s fine

sharpshooter: i think

sharpshooter: yeah he’s yelling he’s fine

prettyboy: DID HE JUMP OFF A CLIFF

sharpshooter: …. do u not

sharpshooter: have u never jumped off orange bluff

prettyboy: what the fuck is orange bluff

i got a big stick: is that why jonathan always says hes gonna throw himself off a cliff AGAIN

sharpshooter: yeah probably

i got a big stick: wow

i got a big stick: i thought he was just 3edgy5u

prettyboy: ewfhiowehfiwhg

annoyinggoose: HE KEYSMASHED

prettyboy: WAIT NO SHUT UP

prettyboy: SHUT UP IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

sharpshooter: damn are you gay now?

sharpshooter: what are you and tom DOING

prettyboy: i hat eyou so mcuh

sharpshooter: i love you too, idiot

prettyboy: <33

sharpshooter: <33

juliet: i am literally just waiting

juliet: im like vibrating

toeshere: SAME

i got a big stick: waiting for what

mickeymouse: will why is your cousin staring at me

juliet: AKSKDNFKR

toeshere: JFWJEFdWBEJF

mickeymouse: RICHIE WHAT DID YOU NOT TELL ME

toeshere: IM SORRY IT WAS TOO FUNNY

**the losers club**

**2.24 pm**

coolguy: RICHIE???????

coolguy: [????.img]

toeshere: IM SORRY

toeshere: I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY

juliet: I CANT BRE ATH E

**chimken nunget**

**2.24 pm**

mickeymouse: WHA TS GO IN SG OM

mickeymouse: “i thought you were banging eddie today” thsi bitch look mad

**the losers club**

**2.24 pm**

toeshere: [screenshot.img]

toeshere: BEN WHAT

coolguy: THIS BITCH I S MAD

coolguy: WHAT

toeshere: THATS MY OTHER RICHIE

coolguy: WHAT

coolguy: WHY DIDNT YOU WARN ME

toeshere: to be FAIR i didn’t REALISE until you were THERE

toeshere: but it was so funny

juliet: im still stuck on “i thought you were banging eddie today”

juliet: what kind of playing yall doing at the arcade

absolutevalue: is this why bill has been vibrating all afternoon

juliet: maybe a little

absolutevalue: im going to scream

absolutevalue: you guys drive me wild

toeshere: omg thats what max said about her boys

juliet: omg are we stan’s boys

toeshere: omg we’re his boys <333

juliet: his boys <333

absolutevalue: im going to commit a crime

**chimken nunget**

**2.26 pm**

mickeymouse: he just asked if will and i were making out earlier

mickeymouse: thanks ben

i got a big stick: what did you say

mickeymouse: doesnt matter

i got a big stick: MICHAEL

mickeymouse: you love me shut up

batman: i missed so much

batman: im gonna jump again

i got a big stick: if u die before my wedding i’ll kick ur ass

batman: i accept the terms of contract

batman: what about near death

batman: almost fatal maiming

i got a big stick: case to case basis

batman: fair enough

_sharpshooter changed ‘batman’ to ‘ratman’_

ratman: yep cliff time

**the losers club**

**2.32 pm**

coolguy: this is the hot richie update

toeshere: wait

thankunext: send a pic

coolguy: [heshotter.img]

thankunext: yeah he is the hotter richie

toeshere: WAIT

absolutevalue: oh damn

beepbeeprichie: stan

absolutevalue: sorry babe

absolutevalue: but like…. hot richie

beepbeeprichie: ….. yeah hot richie

toeshere: we’re??????? identical????????

juliet: i’ll tell you ur hot if u come speak russian to me

toeshere: coming

absolutevalue: oh my god

absolutevalue: eddie wanna go for coffee

beepbeeprichie: ok!!

beepbeeprichie: i’ll pick you up in my barbie jeep

thankunext: i want a barbie jeep

beepbeeprichie: the little kid next door grew out of it so i asked if i could have it and they said yes

beepbeeprichie: honestly the best decision i’ve ever made

absolutevalue: stylin’ ride

absolutevalue: yes im with my man for his car <3

beepbeeprichie: <3

coolguy: cars are important yall

coolguy: never stay with a man who mentions his car before the third date

toeshere: i love benvice

toeshere: thank u wise teacher

coolguy: of course

**the gang**

**2.35 pm**

ihatethesun: kotku. your car?

pizzamilkshake: yeah?

ihatethesun: potter, come over

sweaterweather: what?

ihatethesun: we are going in kotku’s car

sweaterweather: where?

ihatethesun: i’ll tell you on the way

ihatethesun: you’ll like it

ihatethesun: pretty, like you

sweaterweather: oh

sweaterweather: ok

pizzamilkshake: i’ll be there soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl i lowkey forgot what max and syd and bev's backstory was supposed to be so uh . i'll expand on it later
> 
> love yall <333 hmu @theworriedman on tumblr i just started school and everything is stressful & boring


	10. ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ihatethesun: hi it’s theo. boris is no longer allowed to talk ever again <3
> 
> juliet: makes sense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHATS UP IM NOT DEAD APPARENTLY
> 
> yes athenianphamplet this is for you im sorry it took like. seven months i forgot i was a person

**trojanhorse >> 10fingers**

**3.00 pm**

trojanhorse: sup!

10fingers: hi

10fingers: glad to see you made time in your schedule for little old me

trojanhorse: what

10fingers: i texted you twenty four fucking hours ago dude

10fingers: you just vanished

10fingers: what the hell

10fingers: who told you that was cool

trojanhorse: sorry?

10fingers: oh my GOD

trojanhorse: im sorry? i didn’t realise you were gonna get pissed?

10fingers: you just?? disappeared??

trojanhorse: it’s not like we had plans??

trojanhorse: and i said i’d see you monday so im actually ahead of the curve rn

10fingers: jesus

10fingers: genuinely. do you realise there are other people in the world

trojanhorse: the fuck is that supposed to mean?

10fingers: how fucking hard is it to understand i care about you

10fingers: you literally just ditched me at like 5 am with no explanation and no apology and no acknowledgement of how i might feel about that at all and now you’re acting like it’s just totally okay and normal

10fingers: except it kind of is because you actually never tell me anything anymore because you know!! im just your weird best friend except oh wait i wouldn’t be your best friend if you had the choice but you don’t because wow!! would you look at that!! no one else hangs out with you!!

10fingers: and it’s funny because all this time ive been constantly saying that hey, you’re not as much of an asshole as you used to be, and it’s okay and everything is okay but it’s fucking not because you couldn’t even stick around when my brother’s face is completely fucked up and i don’t have anywhere to stay so honestly the least my best friend could do is be there

10fingers: although dustin fucking henderson did!! so you know

10fingers: no wonder everyone hates you

trojanhorse: ok

trojanhorse: ok cool

trojanhorse: sorry i ditched

trojanhorse: hope things get better

**trojanhorse >> 420baby**

**3.06 pm**

trojanhorse: hey can you check on james soon thanks be careful good luck

420baby: what

420baby: yo kid

420baby: kidddddddd

420baby: kiddo

420baby: kiddieeeeeeeee

**420baby >> 10fingers**

**3.11 pm**

420baby: why is your friend being weird

10fingers: fuck off

420baby: ??????

420baby: are you fighting or something

10fingers: no

10fingers: yeah

10fingers: fuck OFF

420baby: im just WORRIED

10fingers: well!! don’t be!!

420baby: jesus fucking christ why is it so hard to understand i care about you

420baby: just. come talk to me please

420baby: or i can get steve if you’d rather talk to him

420baby: but please? carol says it’s bad to bottle up your feelings and everything is already really shitty

10fingers: ………..fine

10fingers: but you’re not allowed to yell at me

420baby: i won’t yell

420baby: promise

**the losers club**

**3.20 pm**

romeo: im like. closer to ben than the rest of you rn

romeo: thats so weird

coolguy: COME

romeo: what

coolguy: COME!! TO!! HAWKINS!!

absolutevalue: HAWKINS?

absolutevalue: MIKE LIVES IN?

absolutevalue: HAWKINS?

toeshere: WHY ARE WE YELLING???

coolguy: YES MIKE LIVES IN HAWKINS

absolutevalue: WHAT THE FUCK BEN

absolutevalue: MY MOM’S BROTHER’S EX WIFE’S EX HUSBAND’S SON’S HALF BROTHER LIVES IN HAWKINS

coolguy: WHAT THE FUCK STANLEY

toeshere: WAIT YEAH WHAT THE FUCK

romeo: IM SO CONFUSED BUT IM COMING

coolguy: YAY

romeo: YAY

**chimken nunget**

**3.24 pm**

_ juliet has added absolutevalue _

juliet: welcome stanley

absolutevalue: sup

absolutevalue: wow why did i say that

annoyinggoose: eye-

romeo: eye-

toeshere: dustin are you the mom’s brother’s ex wife’s son’s half brother

annoyinggoose: ex husband’s

lululemon: sorry what

annoyinggoose: mom’s brother’s ex wife’s ex husband’s son’s half brother

toeshere: yeah that

annoyinggoose: yeah

annoyinggoose: here

_ annoyinggoose has added sweaterweather _

sweaterweather: what the fuck

sweaterweather: what is this

ratman: hi welcome to the “how many people can we fit in one groupchat” challenge how may we serve you the lobster is lovely this time of year

i got a big stick: uh jonathan

ratman: haha lobster

sharpshooter: jonathan no

sharpshooter: @prettyboy can you take jon’s phone away from him

prettyboy: yeah sure

prettyboy: hey theo

sweaterweather: hey steve

ihatethesun: THEO

lululemon: oh shit the theo youre gay for?

lululemon: i didnt mean to hit send

lululemon: oops

ihatethesun: the very one

sweaterweather: hi boris

sweaterweather: so what’s happening exactly

annoyinggoose: yeah we don’t know

annoyinggoose: im dating people now did you hear

sweaterweather: i did not because you only ever text me about your mario kart scores

annoyinggoose: oh i WRECKED james last night

sweaterweather: yes you texted me

prettyboy: james hagan?????

annoyinggoose: yes??? why is everyone still surprised when i mention him

kryptonite: he’s gay

annoyinggoose: JANE

kryptonite: i mean this in a kind and caring way

prettyboy: jane oh my god

ratman: jane is my favourite sibling

i got a big stick: wow fuck you too

ratman: dear google when can i go home

sharpshooter: you have like another week, chin up bud

mickeymouse: wait what

sharpshooter: what

mickeymouse: you said you were coming home this summer

sharpshooter: i did come home

sharpshooter: i am in fact home right now

mickeymouse: but? i only got out of school? a few days ago?

sharpshooter: i mean our summers just don’t really line up

mickeymouse: hmph

mickeymouse: william where did you go

i got a big stick: gimme a sec

mickeymouse: why was there a crashing noise

prettyboy: oh jeez

prettyboy: you’re in jonathan’s room aren’t you

i got a big stick: im rearranging his tapes in chronological release order instead of alphabetical

prettyboy: make jonathan cry challenge

i got a big stick: he deserves it

prettyboy: wow

**the losers club**

**3.41 pm**

beepbeeprichie: i swear the god im the only one without weird history in hawkins

thankunext: i don’t

beepbeeprichie: ok well thank god there’s two of us

toeshere: bill doesn’t!!

juliet: i was born there

toeshere: oh

toeshere: well

toeshere: never mind then

coolguy: i am going to cry

coolguy: bev when you get here can i cry on you

romeo: ofc benny

coolguy: ok thank you you’re the best

romeo: <333

coolguy: <333

thankunext: why do you love her more than me

coolguy: you’re not here to cry on

thankunext: that is true

**thankunext >> toeshere**

**3.45 pm**

thankunext: how do you feel about a road trip

toeshere: mike i have never loved you as much as i do in this moment

toeshere: FUCK yes when shall we leave

thankunext: i mean i can pack, tell my parents, they won’t mind

toeshere: my parents would love for me to go see mike so i mean

toeshere: i’ll pick you up in an hour?

thankunext: i’ll be waiting

toeshere: fuck yeah

thankunext: fuck yeah

**10fingers >> annoyinggoose**

**4.06 pm**

10fingers: i yelled at troy and said no wonder everyone hates him and now he’s mad and won’t pick up my calls

annoyinggoose: okay

annoyinggoose: why. why did you do that

10fingers: he idtched me

10fingers: dgyeched

annoyinggoose: getting worse

10fingers: okay look

10fingers: i don’t have fingers

annoyinggoose: and here i thought you had ten. my life is a lie

10fingers: that’s actually a euphemism

annoyinggoose: …

10fingers: i have 10 dicks

annoyinggoose: yeah okay that tracks

10fingers: thanks

10fingers: anyway what do i do

annoyinggoose: apologise?

10fingers: other than that

annoyinggoose: dick pic?

10fingers: which dick

annoyinggoose: 8

10fingers: aight thanks man

10fingers: done me a solid

**chimken nunget**

**4.18 pm**

annoyinggoose: you ever know a man and you’re like

annoyinggoose: well he probably doesn’t have 10 dicks

annoyinggoose: but who could say

juliet: @ihatethesun

ihatethesun: oh fuck i’ve been discovered

sweaterweather: it’s only 6 actually

ihatethesun: goddammit potter

sweaterweather: sorry baby <3

ihatethesun: </3

i got a big stick: lumax vibes

ratman: shut up william

i got a big stick: shut up anthony

ratman: nancy can you shoot me please <3 thanks <3

sharpshooter: i’ve been waiting for you to ask <3

juliet: best friend goals omg

ratman: we try

_ annoyinggoose has added 10fingers _

10fingers: oh okay

annoyinggoose: who the fuck are you

10fingers: hahahahhahahahahaha youre so funny henderson omg

riptide: hhahahahahahahahahaha

annoyinggoose: hhahahahahahahahaha

annoyinggoose: omg max we made the same typo <3

riptide: omg soulmates <3

lululemon: HEY

lululemon: that’s my boyfriend )):<

kryptonite: hey hey hey now

kryptonite: you’d best not be moving in on my man, sinclair

lululemon: never

lululemon: actually no

lululemon: i am

kryptonite: well shit lucas

10fingers: ur man just fell down the stairs

kryptonite: dumbass

riptide: IS HE OKAY

mickeymouse: those reactions were……. swapped

riptide: ...jane wtf

riptide: u just like… stole my chill

kryptonite: sry im just cool as hell

riptide: aight i buy it

kryptonite: <3

riptide: <3

lululemon: <3

10fingers: i sure hope he’s okay

riptide: YOU DONT KNOW??????

10fingers: hey !

10fingers: leave me be im trying

10fingers: “are you okay” “i ate a stapler in second grade” that’s nice honey

sharpshooter: oh mood

ratman: mood you ate a stapler or mood you fell down the stairs

sharpshooter: you fell off a CLIFF shut up

ihatethesun: i fell off thieohgfrvoeprtojoerjb ck

mickeymouse: wh-

toeshere: wtf-

ihatethesun: hi it’s theo. boris is no longer allowed to talk ever again <3

juliet: makes sense

juliet: also gotta stan how mike and richie both came RUNNING to make fun of him

mickeymouse: always

toeshere: always

toeshere: wtf

mickeymouse: omg twin braincell <3

toeshere: omg <3

ratman: help girl why is william listening to billie eilish

i got a big stick: fuck you

ratman: makes sense

sharpshooter: michael do you know the fuck word

mickeymouse: no im not a fucking heathen

sharpshooter: mkay

sharpshooter: karen was asking

toeshere: w

toeshere: why was karen asking

sharpshooter: because he said the fuck word

toeshere: ……………………..okay

juliet: richie said imma hold my shade on that one

toeshere: i’ll be nice bc stan is glaring at me

juliet: oop

toeshere: he says 2 put down my phone or he’ll kilmeme

juliet: …….aight boys im single

juliet: who wants a kith

i got a big stick: god mood

mickeymouse: dude

i got a big stick: oh wait im not single

i got a big stick: marcus i want a kith

mickeymouse: okay

riptide: ah yes

riptide: marcus

riptide: our fearless leader

lululemon: marcus weiner <3

riptide: MARCUS WEINER <3

mickeymouse: i literally hate it here

_ mickeymouse has changed their name to marcus weiner _

i got a big stick: im literally in love with you

marcus weiner: yeah i know

sweaterweather: aw now both your users look like dick jokes

sweaterweather: couples bonding

ihatethesun: hey theo

sweaterweather: fuck you boris

ihatethesun: cries into my champagne

marcus weiner: i’m the only successful romancer in this family

ihatethesun: we have nine cousins from same uncle

marcus weiner: yeah no that’s

marcus weiner: yeah

marcus weiner: wait which uncle

ihatethesun: vodka at hanukkah

marcus weiner: ...yeah okay that tracks

prettyboy: i literally hate it here

i got a big stick: oh my god my username looks like a dick joke

prettyboy: I LITERALLY HATE IT HERE

**ratman >> i got a big stick**

**5.03 pm**

ratman: you’ve been listening to sad music for a while are you okay

i got a big stick: do you think my friends like me

ratman: yes

i got a big stick: are you sure

ratman: yes

i got a big stick: and they’re not just trying to make me feel better because they pity me

ratman: they most certainly are not

i got a big stick: can i have weed

ratman: no

i got a big stick: )):<

ratman: you can pout as much as you want

ratman: i’m not giving you drugs

i got a big stick: oh right right

i got a big stick: bc everybody has to take care of themselves until it’s you

**10fingers >> annoyinggoose**

**5.14 pm**

10fingers: troy is mad at me

annoyinggoose: why?

10fingers: he thinks i was being a dick

annoyinggoose: ...why?

10fingers: because i was a dick

10fingers: but justifiably okay

10fingers: just not

10fingers: okay maybe like

10fingers: okay i shouldn’t have yelled at him

10fingers: i hate when he’s mad at me im gonna scream

annoyinggoose: you yelled at him?

10fingers: yeah

10fingers: cause he said he was gonna stay over and then he left while i was asleep and just texted me “see you on monday” like wtf

10fingers: and i

10fingers: okay well

10fingers: [screenshot100807.png]

annoyinggoose: okay first of all how do you have any space left on your phone wtf

annoyinggoose: second of all

annoyinggoose: ...bro

10fingers: I KNOW

10fingers: i don’t know how to fix it

annoyinggoose: apologise?

10fingers: i’ve called him like four times

10fingers: he won’t pick up

10fingers: and apparently he texted tommy and told him to “be careful” with me and i don’t even know what that means and i just want to find him and say sorry but i can’t and im so fucking mad but in a sad way. im madsad. im sad but in a mad sense

annoyinggoose: you miss him

10fingers: yeah. fuckin…. that

annoyinggoose: okay

annoyinggoose: i’ll help you keep an eye for him

annoyinggoose: have you asked steve if he’s seen him?

10fingers: wait you’re a genius

**10fingers >> prettyboy**

**5.23 pm**

10fingers: I Haven’t Seen Troy In Fourteen And A Half Horse Where Is He

prettyboy: horse?

10fingers: Where Is He, Steven

prettyboy: idfk

10fingers: GAH

**10fingers >> annoyinggoose**

**5.24 pm**

10fingers: he doesn’t know where he is ):

annoyinggoose: hm

annoyinggoose: well shit

10fingers: yeah )):

annoyinggoose: want me to try texting him?

10fingers: you’d do that?

annoyinggoose: sure

10fingers: please

**annoyinggoose >> trojanhorse**

**5.24 pm**

annoyinggoose: yo steve was wondering where you are

_ read 8.09 pm _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i too am listening to billie eilish rn. it be like that

**Author's Note:**

> yes i wrote this no i don't know what's going on either but ily if you read it
> 
> im on tumblr @theworriedman feel free to come bully me or w/e

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Whatthefuckisthis.jpg](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21682339) by [SammiPheonex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammiPheonex/pseuds/SammiPheonex)




End file.
